Guess what? That’s actually a very genuinely funny post... I am serious!You're on holiday now.
Put the internet down, see those people outside, those with 2 lumps on their front? They are called women.
Your aim, over your week's leave, is to exoperience the touch of one of them.
There are various methods of approaching this. Experts on here plump for the rohypnol and black maskers method. I feel yor ninja skills are not up to that yet though.
These people with lumps at the front, you need to find a way of speaking to them. Tell them about your cooking...nah scrub that, ....tell them about your travels, make yourself sound interesting.
Don't try and "big time" yourself going on about consultancies etc when the reality is you live in a bedsit eating cheesy wotsits and your knob is bright orange.
Tell them about the fluffy clouds.
in Arizona, that go on forever...the beautiful skies, that are on fire...fluffy clouds.
Great!...you're in...normally now, an experienced swordsman would have this one in the bag already but, you, "fella" have some more work to do.
Give us a shout when you get to the fluffy clouds stage and I'll take you back to VMC and guide you further