Tom Cruise to Fly again!

#1
It appears Tom cruise is to take to the Sky’s again. This time though he is going to be playing an American WW2 Hurricane pilot called Billy Fiske, who was killed during the Battle of Britain. http://www.fiskes.co.uk/billy_fiske.htm

The Film is called ‘The Few’ and I’m guessing this film will be a “ How America won the Battle of Britain”

I can just picture the scene of Tiny Tom pedalling along the runway on his Bicycle at Tangmere as a Hurricane takes off!
 
#2
Hmmm, wonder if they're auditioning for the part of the boxhead who shot him down?

I'd put in a very realistic performance
 
#4
Strut Jack wrote:

Hmmm, wonder if they're auditioning for the part of the boxhead who shot him down?
Hmmm-usual suspects would be Alan Rickman, Patrick Stewart or anyone else British. Perhaps that's why the Septics shoot at us so much- they associate the Brits with the villains in movies...
 
#5
The Brits will be portayed as either simpletons with pitchforks or evil Senior Officers hell bent on bureaucracy (i can never spell that bloody word) and stopping Tom defeating Fritz on his lonesome. Oh and he'll shag keira knightly along the way, thus sticking that final boot in: "Not only did we stop the Looft-wafer from destroying your airbases after the Nimitz and Iwo Jima pulled your ass out of the fire at Dunkirk, but we also shagged all your women too*!"

And Tom Cruise? If we were really in trouble, i'd like to think that the special relationship would stretch to sending someone a little more useful than a midget actor, even if he does look remarkably like me.



*In order to avenge my ancestors' honour, I have endeavoured so that (at the time of writing) at least two of you spams have daughters who have 'entertained' me in the bottom and mouth. Not consecutively though, that would be gross.
 
#6
RTFQ said:
And Tom Cruise? If we were really in trouble, i'd like to think that the special relationship would stretch to sending someone a little more useful than a midget actor, even if he does look remarkably like me.
Of course! That's why it's Tom Cruise, short enough to fit in a Hurricane.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#7
strut_jack said:
RTFQ said:
And Tom Cruise? If we were really in trouble, i'd like to think that the special relationship would stretch to sending someone a little more useful than a midget actor, even if he does look remarkably like me.
Of course! That's why it's Tom Cruise, short enough to fit in a Hurricane.
What? Are they using an Airfix one?
 
#8
Billy Fiske was in fact a short arse. And a bloody hero, although IIRC there's no record of him shooting any Nazis down.

Good on the guy for standing up for freedom, a full 18 months before most of his countrymen.

If you think about it, he helped us to save America - if the Krauts had won the battle of Britain, they might have subsequently got their mitts on our Navy and the French too, thus making the US of A a pushover.
 
#9
I'm sure that it will get the usual Hollywood treatment and be a bag of b0llocks. Without wishing to do a dis-service to the man, he is not even a big name in the Battle of Britain. brave to volunteer but only shot down one enemy on 13th Aug 40.

Web Page Name

If Hollywood wanted to make a good film about the BoB they could have swallowed their over-developed pride and chosen one of the real stars and characters from the battle. Instead, in their arrogant Yank way, they have to big up one of their own.

I shall watch the film but sneer all the way through. It will not be as good as the the Battle of Britain from the 70s.
 
#10
RTFQ said:
*In order to avenge my ancestors' honour, I have endeavoured so that (at the time of writing) at least two of you spams have daughters who have 'entertained' me in the bottom and mouth. Not consecutively though, that would be gross.
............who have 'entertained' YOU in the bottom and mouth?????????...thats a very enlightened way of looking at it 8O
 
#11
IdleAdjt said:
I shall watch the film but sneer all the way through. It will not be as good as the the Battle of Britain from the 70s.
What the one with the Yank as lead in order to get funding for the project? :wink:

Fair point though, it should be emphasized that we're mocking Hollywood, not the blokes that walked the walk in WW2.
 
#12
moving-target-survivor said:
RTFQ said:
*In order to avenge my ancestors' honour, I have endeavoured so that (at the time of writing) at least two of you spams have daughters who have 'entertained' me in the bottom and mouth. Not consecutively though, that would be gross.
............who have 'entertained' YOU in the bottom and mouth?????????...thats a very enlightened way of looking at it 8O
Ah.

Should read.... Oh forget it.
 
#13
:roll: I can see it now!

Cruise: "Yeeeeehah, Fritzys dead.......requesting flyby!"

Tower: "Fraid not old boy...the pattern is rather full....terribly sorry"


Cue Cruise pulling barrel rolls, tearing past the tower, as curly moustachioed RAF types spill their tea
 
#14
RTFQ said:
IdleAdjt said:
I shall watch the film but sneer all the way through. It will not be as good as the the Battle of Britain from the 70s.
What the one with the Yank as lead in order to get funding for the project? :wink:

Fair point though, it should be emphasized that we're mocking Hollywood, not the blokes that walked the walk in WW2.
Correct on the slight being directed at Hollywood and not The Few.

As for casting a Septic as lead, at least he played a Canadian in the film thus keeping some historical realism.

Anyway, he was completely overshadowed by Ian "Lovejoy" McShane.
 
#16
Instead of the well oiled game of volleyball in the middle of the film, they'll be one incredibly homoerotic game of badmington or mixed doubles lawn tennis. Cruise, with knightly at his side, will perform a smashing backhand to win the point, then shout "Mother Goose you Pussy!" to His Flight commander and his wife, who will promptly faint. His Sqn ldr will take him to the sidelines and have a quiet chat about his language.

or

Cruise will describe his encounter with a Bf109E, over Calais, to a Waaf from the War Office. She'll mutter "So you're the one" and his mukka from New Jersey will describe how they gave the german 'the bird.' One of the brits will leap to his feet and shout "that is no way to act in front of a lady! I must have satisfaction Sir!" then they'll duel.

This sh1t writes itself!
 
#18
Cruise and the rock will be walking back from dispersal discussing the evening dinner and dance and what they are going to wear. Cruise will say " I feel the need.... the need for tweed" and give the rock a high five!
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#19
Just want to see a scramble and Cruise failing to get his foot high enough to get into his aircraft! Several times of course!
 
#20
If the current Abomination-formerly-known-as-the-RAF is anything to go by, the scene in Fightertown Miramar, when they're in a bar with their sunglasses and square jaws, surrounded by loose women fawning over them, will actually more resemble the following:

A bunch of chinless RAF pilots, still in their babygrows (even if they've had a sports afternoon) in a huddle talking shop or about the clutch on their motorbike, while a bunch of bored looking women form their own group and spend the night looking around the room instead of talking to each other. By the time they start shooting down their left hand with their right, the women have left.
 

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