Toilets and Traffic

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by NurseyMai, Mar 31, 2013.

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  1. It wouldn’t be a bank holiday weekend without the inevitable mass exodus cluttering the roads, and today I lost 2 hours of my life while sitting on the M25. It’s the law of the sod that as soon as I hit traffic longer than a mile in length, the need to pee appears. A quick scan of the surrounding area doesn’t look promising…concrete walls, 8 foot chain link fences followed by either bare banks or the skinniest trees imaginable. Given that everyone passing/stationary by the road would have a camera to hand, and I didn’t fancy making my youtube debut falling off the top of the fence, attention went to passing the time. I used the following techniques:

    1. Playing with mobile phone to irritate family & friends.
    2. Trying to change the clock in the car – failing – what’s wrong with the old type where you just push the button and the hands spin round? Still, at least it’s right half the year.
    3. Observing bored looking drivers/passengers.
    4. Trying to lip read the dispute going on in the car behind.
    5. Singing – which is fine when done driving along as people only get a quick look, but this isn’t the case when sitting still belting out ‘Like a Virgin’…
    6. Dancing – as above, but more pointing & laughing.
    7. Writing a mental letter to Mr Cameron and Mr McLoughlin requesting that all major motorway incidents include the delivery of portaloos at points along the queue.
    8. Thinking up inventive ways to kill the utter cunts that think putting on hazard lights makes it acceptable for them to use the hard shoulder while everyone else waits.

    Finally made it through to the services…then got lost in the HGV area…then missed the junction coming off the M25…I think someone should take the keys away.

    So over to you lot – any stories of traffic, travel and toilets (all or one of them – I’m easy) from this weekend or anytime in the past, and how you passed the time!
  2. I tend to just piss in a bottle and hoy it out the window at any cunt that pisses me off :)
    • Like Like x 7
  3. Bit of a poor first post but we used to keep a shit/piss bucket in the back of the works van.

    We did a contract in central london a couple of years back and the M1 had a contra flow coming out of the smoke, so the bucket did come in handy more than once.
  4. Seems you are a bit of a confused individual, discriminating against coloured folk and women. Unless it's man-made women and they're alright in your book - you thinking of getting the chop job yourself?
  5. I imagine zero-over as a small, pigeon chested man with sparse pubic hair and a smell of desperation about him although most would just think it was someone using a tin of Lynx to hide the smell of unwashed underpants.
    • Like Like x 5

  6. Sheer poetry........ your family doesn't originally hail from Stratford on Avon?
  7. This has been done before.

  8. A colleague of mine dealt with one of these a month or so ago. He stopped with a Transit on hard shoulder of the M27 and called in that there was "a gentleman in the rear of the vehicle defecating in a bucket"

    Was it you?
  9. Car or bedroom window?
    • Like Like x 6
  10. Both given the opportunity :)
  11. I did wonder if the postie got a hat-full when he delivered too many bills...or the milkman when he mistakenly dares to leave red top?
  12. They do indeed still exist. I am guilty of going to the supermarket for milk instead of supporting this dying breed, but I know some of my neighbours still get their milk delivered (he usually delivers about 5 minutes after my alarm has gone off and the clink of the bottles gets me moving).
    • Like Like x 1
  13. My neighbours still get a pint a day....... and a weekly visit from the Ringtons Tea van.