Toilet wit

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by terdal, Nov 18, 2009.

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  1. Can anyone remember all the witty things that used to be written on toilet walls? There's always the classic "Kilroy was here" and " want a w*nk ring Mandy" followed by a non existant phone number of course, but I mean some of the good ones. I rather like the one that started with you seeing a line of arrows going up the wall when you're having a slash. You follow the arrows up and there at last is the message. "You are now p*ssing on your shoes" Then one that I found to be very amusing was scribbled just above the bog roll. "Insert between legs and pull till end of brown line"
    The bogs in most London stations seemed to be full of these little gems. I've had many a crap at Waterloo while waiting for my connection and always managed to find something to chuckle about and now I wish I had written some down. Can hardly remember any now. Pity !!!! Haven't been in UK for a long time now. Is it still the same or is all now clean, PC and sterile in these unofficial libraries of common folks wisdom and wit?
  2. How about the ever popular.....

    It's no good standing on the seat,
    The crabs in here can jump 10 feet!
  3. Good one. Just written it down so as not to forget. Cheers mate.
  4. The old classic, on the left wall, "look right" on the right wall, "look left" and so it goes on.........
  5. The painter's work was all in vain,
    The sh1t-house poet strikes again.
    Don't STAND upon the toilet seat.
    The crabs in here can jump ten feet.

    Little Red Riding Hood is a Russian contraceptive.
  6. ancienturion

    ancienturion LE Book Reviewer

    Quite a few years ago.
    "Tolkien is Hobbit forming"

    and written on the ceiling of a toilet whose walls would resist being written on
    "The writing is on the wall"

    "Oedipus ring your Mother."
  7. Better and better. All coming back now. Keep 'em coming.
  8. flush twice it is a long way to the cook house
  9. I saw on in a Porta LOO in Drowsko Pormorski Once

    Whats the difference between Females and Toast

    You can make soldiers out of Toast

    Ba Dum Tisch, eyeeeeeeeeeeeeee thannnn uuuuuuuuu

    Not toilet humour, but I couldn’t resist :D :D
  10. We aim to please.

    You aim too, please.
  11. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    One of the shitters in the Lynx Det in Sarajevo had one of those doors that came right up to your nose when closed, when you were sat on the throne.

    There one day appeared two dayglo footprints on the floor for your feet, a handprint on each wall for you to brace with, and a circle on the door in front of you with the immortal words "Press forehead here and squeeze"
  12. Look Left----------------------------------------------------------Look Right------------------------------------------------------

    Fucking wankers, use a bit of imagination.
  13. written on the door which have gaps between them and the floor....

    arrow pointing downwards then....careful Limbo dancers, always made me snigger
  14. :clap:

    Another popular one....

    Here i sit, broken hearted.
    Came to shit, and only farted.
  15. "This bloody sh1thouse is no good at all.
    The seat is too high and the hole is too small."

    And then written beneath, in a totally different hand:

    "To which I must add the obvious retort:
    Your arrse is too large and your legs are too short."