Toilet Phobia- FFS!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Brandt, Nov 10, 2006.

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  1. Radio 4 have been running a story all morning claiming that 4 million people in this country suffer from 'Toilet phobia'- being scared of using public conveniences.

    "It's not a laughing matter" said Claire Mayo from the National Phobic Society. Of course not Claire. We'd never do that.

    Anyone here got Toilet Phobia? Maybe there is a military strain of shovel- recce phobia?
  2. It's not so bad if you go with a friend.
  3. Used to work with a bloke who could only poo at home. Couldn't manage one at work at all.

    Personally I prefer to go at work 'cos it saves on paper at home.
  4. I can understand that. There's no books in the bog at work.
  6. Going for a sh1t a work is great if you take a copy of soldier mag with you, at least an hour away from the desk - and getting paid for it.
  7. You should work here, we've loads. However Dostievsky gets a bit heavy going. Except after a post Vindaloo one, takes my mind off the sting.
  8. Two points are raised here.
    1. "Soldier" doesn't qualify as porn.
    2. If it takes an hour to knock one out, you should see a doctor.
  9. Saturday morning 'downloads' are frowned upon here due to Health & Safety/ COSHH regulations.

    Something to do with corrosive/toxic waste material handling procedures...
  10. putteesinmyhand -Two points are raised here.
    1. "Soldier" doesn't qualify as porn.
    2. If it takes an hour to knock one out, you should see a doctor.

    It does not take me an hour to drop one, I just like to dodge work mate.
  11. He didn't get it did he?
  12. Just got it now. Should have read it properly. Cheers
  13. Sh1thousephobia (technical term) is understandable when given Trainspotting's 'worste toilet in Scotland' effect.
    Perhaps an interesting topic in its own right? On tour, bad stomach, desperate to go before loading kecks... there was more sh1t around this toilet than it could ever have contained. However, duty (and despair) calls.
    I can't describe the cramp, having maintained the ski-jump position to avoid touching the seat.
  14. Surely it must depend upon the toilet involved?

    Now I can see that stainless steel vandal proof equipment, the cold draughty cubicle in a stinking toilet block adorned with somewhat alarming invitations scribed on the sparse partitions (all illuminated by a single 40 watt bulb) and strangers smiling at you on the way in might not inspire the nervous crapper.

    But the cosy mahogany seat atop Villeroy & Boch porcelain in a fully wood panelled and delicately scented washroom with fluffy towels and soft paper? Please.......
  15. IMHO we should send the squeamish civvy 'toilet phobia' types for a bit of aversion therapy: summer, in Iraq, in a chemical turdis where the inside temp is about 60 degrees C, someone before you has done the D&V splattergun and left you just the Voxpop page of 'Soldier' to wipe your arrse with. Nice :wink: