Toilet Observations

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by The_Flying_Hamster, Apr 4, 2004.

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  1. What is it about the “Eye-Ties” that makes us think of them as greasy, lazy, chauvinistic, self-centered, posing b’stards.

    I happened to be in the toilet of a night club last night when one walked in.

    These were my observations on the toilet habits of both British and Italian men.

    British Man:-
    1. Walks into toilet and locates urinal.
    2. Extracts equipment and points it at urinal.
    3. Pisses.
    4. Knocks drops off on side of urinal.
    5. Packs equipment.
    6. Walks out, glancing in mirror on the way past whilst wiping hands on legs of jeans.

    Italian Man:-
    1. Walks into toilet and locates mirror.
    2. Spends 2 minutes 43 seconds grooming quiff.
    3. Spends 1 minute 21 seconds grooming pencil moustache and goatee.
    4. Continues on to locate cubicle.
    5. Extracts equipment.
    6. Spends 3 minutes and 16 seconds admiring own tackle.
    7. Arranges foreskin into a more rakish angle.
    8. Repeat item 6 for 1 minute 17 seconds.
    9. Suddenly remembers purpose of visit and starts to piss.
    10. Re-directs equipment into the bowl.
    11. Spends 46 seconds re-arranging foreskin and knocking off drops with comb.
    12. Move back to the mirror.
    13. Re-arranges quiff with wet hands.
    14. Locates basin.
    15. Washes of grease and locates paper towels.
    16. Wipes hands.
    17. Spends 1 minute 52 seconds admiring self in mirror.
    18. Finds a skin blemish and spends a further 36 seconds trying to rub it off.
    19. Turns around and admires self from rear angle.
    20. Takes final check of goatee.
    21. Turns and walks out of the door.
    22. Trips up step on the way out and falls flat on face.
    23. Picks himself up and goes immediately to the mirror.
    24. Repeats items 2, 3 and 17.
    25. Finally departs toilet after 19 minutes and 38 seconds.
     
  2. ...........so when did this habit of watching blokes take a slash start then? :lol:
     
  3. Last night, in this club, along with the habit of watching young schoolies waggling their parts on the dance floor and flashing white teeth and knickers in my general direction.

    May I just add that both habits have developed in the interest if science!

    Well, that's what my brain was telling me after 12 bottles of Amsterdams finest brew.