Today's top tip.........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, Dec 16, 2012.

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  1. When friends come around for Christmas Lunch,as they will be away on the 25th,please check that the christmas pudding you dish up does not contain beef suet.
    Otherwise their 17 year old daughter (who became a vegetarian two months ago) is likely to projectile vomit across the dining room floor.

    Yo ho fucking ho.
    • Like Like x 4
  2. Wordsmith

    Wordsmith LE Book Reviewer

    There speaketh the voice of experience.

    In the light that this is the Christmas season, I hope you were truly forgiving...

  3. If you decide on a change from turkey and go for pheasant, run a metal detector over it first.

    Picture the scene, 2 kids, me, my first wife, all in paper hats at Christmas lunch.

    Wife gets first slice, takes a tentative bite......"UUUUUURGH, whats this?"

    She spits out a small lead pellet.

    I say, "That's the bullet to killed him, my precious....."

    She pushes the meat to one side, "I'll just have potatoes and gravy."

    Back to soddin' turkey after that....
    • Like Like x 3
  4. Reminds me of my Grandma saying"if does'nt stick in your throat,it won't stick in your arse". :)
    • Like Like x 4
  5. Your Grandma was "game" too, eh?

    Yep, that's my taxi, thanks...
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  6. You should have given the stroppy little cow the cardboard box it came in and told her to eat that instead.
    • Like Like x 4
  7. Similar happened to me a few years back. Cooked Christmas lunch (brace of pheasants) for the ex - don't ask - and the sprogs. Sprogs filled up on the starters, the ex and I ate pheasant. She and I spent the next two days sick as dogs, the sprogs were fine.
  8. She's not a rug muncher now she's off meat & 2 veg?
  9. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    When the family member who drinks all your good spirits like Whisky arrives,make sure you have a couple of good brands of Whisky refilled with cheap supermarket brands for him to sup on,chances are the old fucker'll be to pissed to tell the difference!
  10. Yes, I'm sure she did.
  11. Think what you want.
    She was a big strapping woman from New Kyo married to a Jock who bore 6 lads and one girl and was straight to the point.
    The Yorkshire side were even more direct.(she was on about a fish bone rather than a bit of shot).
  12. Was she fit looking? :?

    CPT Jean-Luc Picard.jpg
  14. Did she perchance projectile a tampon at you?

    Like Xmas paintballing in a way..