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Today's Top Tip

When greeting your sister in law that you have not seen for five months,do not tell her that she "looks better for putting on a few pounds"
Air temperature is now a cool -30 degrees.


I always find it much better to tell a woman her features would make time stand still!
Rather than tell her, her face would stop a clock :roll:
If you have attractive sister in-laws like moi... try not to use tongues for too long when greeting them especially if your wife and brother in-laws are watching... Boxing Day and New Year family gatherings are usually the most risky time...ok!
If your wife has an aunt to whom she bears an uncanny physical resemblance (to the point that it's like looking at the same woman through a time warp), it's a good idea... erm, I mean it would seem to be a good idea... not to grope her tits from behind in the morning until you were sure exactly who was standing at the kitchen sink.
Even if she has nice paps, do not, I repeat do not snog one of the wifes mates at new year, even when intoxicated, we appear to be minus some very nice ornaments.

Although my wife is still speaking to me, as she told me to "Fcuk Off" this morning.


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