Todays rant

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Pob02, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. Pob02

    Pob02 War Hero Book Reviewer

    Right seeing as I am getting a little on the bored side of things I thought it was about time I made you all suffer by reading a tirade of inarticulate thought, as it leaves my mind, down via my finger-tips to the keyboard, and then by the wonder of the computer age transports itself across the ether and onto your screen.

    I am now giving you one chance (and only one) to stop reading , hit the DELETE button and carry on with your mundane existence as if I never bothered.

    Ok too late. Here it comes. Ok it is here now. Tirade coming up . . . . . . NOW
    What is it with lazy people. Why do they always pretend they are over busy, hard done by, and unappreciated?

    I am looking around the office now, and what I see is somebody who claims to be overworked (with 2 fecking files I am not exactly sure how this is possible), and yet somehow I have managed to hear the same conversation ( or as near as dammit) every morning regarding one of those files. A conversation which would, if Lazy so and so had stopped sitting there with thumb up bum and did some actual work, have disappeared on last Tuesday, creating less work for at least 2 other people in the office.

    It is not just here though . . . Very much the "computer says no!!" arrse that is so prevalent in society today that even mainstream Comedy has picked up on it.

    I thought it was a "chav-mong generation" thing, and actually that is where I think it was generated, but by osmosis it has been picked up by others.

    Talking of Chav-mongs (because I was, before I went off on a complete personal rant against a certain tw@ who sits not a million miles away from me) what is it with chavmong text speak ? Please somebody explain to me what is so hard about writing out words like:


    Instead of:

    Really!! What on Earth is wrong with the education system of today that helps create such lazy, layabout, oxygen-thieving gob-shites ?

    Before we know it these little excuses for human-beings will be creating their own little monsters, that is if they haven't already. See far too many 12 year olds with gold-coloured HUGE hooped earrings, kappa shellsuit tops, and fake Burberry baseball caps pushing those 3 wheeled prams ( how the Feck do they afford those bloody things on benefits?? Damn it there goes my taxes . . . . C*nts) around in Canning Town and Plaistow.

    Once this next generation of "yeah, but no but, yeah! Whatever, Bov vered (spelt as pronounced )" mongaloid twonks is foisted upon this once great island they will probably be rewriting classics such as Shakespeare, Chaucer, Dickens into textspeak/email shorthand gibberish so far removed from our Mother Tongue that even the most intellectual Oxford Don will require a English-Chav/Chav - English dictionary sat next to them. (Please note any spaces left in words typed here are because otherwise the "bigbrother" powers in IT will have alarms sounding as loudly as those NATO had ready for when the Soviet 3rd Shock Army rolled its tanks across Europe crushing all resistance in its path, and not because I am infact an illiterate Chavmong).

    Talking of Oxford Dons, and I was, just look at the previous paragraph and you see its true, the Posh side of society is not getting off scot-free either.

    The bright red moleskin trouser, and Barbour jacket wearing brigade are also in line for some pent up vitriol.
    Now where do these ivory-towered housed, silver-spoon sucking, too much hair to be a "real man" nonces REALLY get on my left test icle.

    "Oh look at me, in the uber-expensive clothing daddy (3rd Earl of Bumfordshire) got me, driving around in the flashy car that Uncle Woopert (spelt as pronounced) ( Daddy's "special friend" when they were at Eton/Harrow/ Arrsebanditry College for bug gery ) gave me for my 17th Birthday. Ra ra ra, lets go and run over some Oiks"

    "Ohh goody Daddy/Uncle Woopert has managed to get me an overpaid job for which I am not the best candidate, but will involve lots of parties at exclusive night-clubs, snorting coke, and drinking champagne"

    Yet even these chinless wonders are not as bad as the faux-posh z list type "celebrities" that take up some much print in those pointless Magazines such as Take a Break, and TV people (or whatever the sodding things are fecking called). You know the people I mean. Big Brother celeb types. Ruddy hell!! Did you see the Celebrity Big Brother first show last night? Faria" I am famous for having Flora legs (they spread easily)" Alam dripping and moaning how she doesn't want to be famous, and just wants a normal life ./ . . Why sell your "story" to The Scum newspaper then? C*NT!! Ohh dear lord these people get on my (rather lovely even if I do say so myself) tits! Don't even get me started on George "Stop the War" Galloway . . NEWSFLASH. It is finished you pig-ignorant porridge-wog, look your best pal Saddam is in the nick! What a self-serving, self-important pain in the arrse!

    Posh and Becks, Jordan, Jodie Marsh etc etc just F off my TV will you! Arrrghhhhhhhhh

    Think I am, going to have a turn now

    Wibbbly wibbly wobble ecky ecky ecky peeeeerrrTTTTANGGG floooop!

    What's that Mother? Give the beans to the donkey? But he is painting the windows black . . Black BLACK BLACK

  2. Good day at the office then?
  3. Wasn't there a thing a while ago where GCSE students could have summaries of various Shakespeare plays sent to their phones as a text message?

    "2b or not 2b?"

  4. I got bored reading your sh1te after the first few paragraphs.

    My only observation would be:

    You complain about people being lazy and not working, yet you write loads of sh1te on arrse. Pot, Kettle, Black?
  5. You actually mentioned (all be it inadvertantly) what the cause of this problem is. There is no big threat anymore. If the third shock army was still poised to come charging through the Minden Gap with just 11 BDE to stop them, the pervading air of fear would keep modern youth in check. So where you may get some spindly youth who weighs 6 stone with his shell suit soaked in waz with nothing better to do than text his friends and hang around the offie, the fear of the big red machine may cause him to join up and be a fine upstanding soldier type who gets harry tankers every weekend and swamps in his own gob from the standing position to impress birds.
  6. Pob02

    Pob02 War Hero Book Reviewer

    oiii cnut! Wind your neck in.

    I am not being lazy and not working. I just happen to have feck all to do today, and as such am bored.

    yep i bit . . but as said am bored so have F all better to do today
  7. Along those lines, I'm now starting to get baby shower and birth emails...notably from the mothers and sisters of Tracey, who's just given birth to Britney-Chelsey (sic). It's usually a shakedown for a gift. The combination of horrible etiquette and the idea that I should be thrilled about their underage daughter's babies is mindboggling.

    Here's something I'm going to start adding to my replies.

  8. Like this you mean?

  9. Pob02

    Pob02 War Hero Book Reviewer

    arrrghhhhh make it stop !!!
  10. My mini rant.

    On my left I introduce Dr Blahhdy Blah (add lots of letters here), scientist extraordinaire, world leader in this and that and very well respected amongst the nanotechnology community...But!.. if the tw*t slurps his tea like that again and adds a big relieved sigh afterwards then the world is going to be looking for a new clever bloke.
  11. more likely some spotty youth weighing 16 stone...... :evil:
  12. If it weren't for the safety valve provided by Arrse, Pob02 might well be the subject of a front-page spread tomorrow that ends with the words '...before turning the gun on himself.'

    Let him have a rant, he's got some points amidst that slab of text - particularly text-speak and chavs.

  13. ... Oh joy! You know my pain. Does he also have dandruff?
  14. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Pah call that a rant! more like a whine!
  15. Shrew......stand up and show yourself!!