To affend a lot of people

#1
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'





I took my Biology exam last Friday.

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.





A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually. '





I walked past an a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.

When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you’re still black'









An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??

The boy says Me ma is dead. Oh no, the man says Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you? The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.






Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed

that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.





I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I’m going to take that.





Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’
 
#5
Offend, effendi.

Edited to add: there's a "are our people going to rock the world" ad from McDonalds at the bottom of this thread. So all I can say is "No, they're chips, not fries ..."
 
#6
I looked out my bedroom window the other night to see some fucker nicking my garden gate.

I didn't say anything in case he took offence (You thick cunt)
 

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