Tiny but crippling injuries!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Squiddly, Jul 9, 2009.

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  1. I have of late, somehow managed to inflict or otherwise suffer a tiny cut on the inside of my nose 8O . This little bugger can't be more than a mm or two long, yet so much as accidentally brushing it is enough to cause coughing fits, sneezing, teary eyes, and no small amount of swearing.

    Are there any of you out there who have suffered similar tiny but (for their size) crippling injuries throughout your varied activities? :lol:
  2. Man up, cupcake.
  3. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    a spider bite a few years ago in the midlands on a camping trip - my arm swelled up to the size of my thigh, I couldnt move it at all and a patch of skin about six inches by four surrounding the bite bubbled up into a massive blister.
    then as that healed, the layers of skin turned pale green and starting coming away like jelly, leaving raw patches behind. it was like something out of a Cronenberg film.
  4. I suffered from a small amount of mental anguish earlier..... then I opened another beer & quickly got over it. It was terrible at the time though, no, really it was...
  5. Fag end to bell end. Need I say no more..

    Edited...when I say "fag" I mean the cigarette type.
  6. Sustained a couple of minor inconveniences during the early days of my zwaffeling career. I got over it. My kn0b didn't however.
  7. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    There's nothing quite so bad as yanking out a small hair from your eyebrow, really, there isn't, apart from your ear, jeez that hurts. Last time I did that, I thought I might have to call an ambulance!

    Like de men say 'man the fcuk up yu whinging weakling'
  8. Hahahahaha Squiddly, you utter fanny!!!!!

    That'll teach you not to howk your beak!! :D

    I'd got a faceful of lime dust while working with bitumen, the effect was like CS gas TBH but not as severe.

    Washed out my eyes, face, mouth etc from the site bowser and all was hunky dory.

    As I did the fitba "bogie blaw" - you know the one, press one nostril shut, trumpet out of the other - I used my finger to evict a dangler.

    The edge of my finger nail cut the inside of my nostril, resulting in two months of a continually runny left nostril and a tiny scab that felt like a blockage in the Clyde Tunnel.

    Best cure is to leave it well alone and intone thrice daily "the dree dirty from dotting'am has beed delayed. Thaag You."

    Enjoy :D

    edited to add; God help you if you get a splinter or skelf.
  9. Women wax and pluck their eyebrows, upper lips, lower lips, oxters (sorry armpits), legs etc. Do they whimper?


    But they won't take it up the chuff because they say it hurts?...

    Long nose hair extraction is for Real Men, none of this clipper nonsense.

    That's a sport that'll bring a tear to your eye at the traffic lights!! :D :D
  10. For all those that say man up - yes I probably should! :p
    But you yank out one of your nose hairs and see if YOU enjoy the feeling! :p
  11. See my second post :D

    So, man up and speed up!!! :D
  12. Zipped up too quick when taking a piss behind a rubbish skip to get back to the drinking action with a USMC friend and 2 Au-pairs(One Swedish and one Finnish) when we had finished in one bar and were underway to another. Did a really good job of it too, where the fastener and the foreskin actually joined together and half the teeth of the zip had actually chomped onto the todger and didn't want to let go. As the pub we were heading to, had extended drinking hours(back then in Bern this was allowed once a month)and I didn't want to miss out, I just repositioned my jacket to hide the piece of pink skin that was sticking out and resumed drinking for another 2 hours.Once I was home, I tried to quickly unzip but the pain was unbearable and I opted to to separate myself from my jeans by cutting the fly out.Next morning I awoke to find the zip still attached. I went in the bath soaped everything up to try and gently slide the fastener off to no avail. I tried with pliers and when I applied pressure to the fastener to try and break it the pain quickly stopped that attempt.To take my mind off my predicament I started switching channels on the TV, RTL and Sat1 were repeating the previous late night films both containing a fair amount of nudity and as things started to swell I had to rush to the bathroom and spray cold water from the shower on my nether regions. After taking a few photos of my situation to show in the pub at some later date, I then got another pair of jeans and studied how the zip worked.The solution was to remove the cloth that holds the teeth together and then pick off the teeth from the skin.Another application of soap and the fastener slid off. There was a nasty open wound which took 6 weeks to heal as rubbing of clothes, sheets etc opened the cuts up,shagging,wanking and getting a stiffy was to be avoided. The solution was to wear two pairs of underpants, the front of the inner pair went all crusty like a codpiece.After 9 weeks I was able to test everything was again fully functional on the above mentioned Finnish au-pair. That was my tiny but crippling injury.
  13. on long night drives i used to pull out nose hairs out to keep myself awake,makes your eyes water but its better than nodding dog.
  14. Stop breathing that will heal it
  15. i amuse myself by sneaking up on the other half when he's having a post-beer kip and giving his, admittedly very long, nasal hairs a really good rip!!! Off topic but SO much fun :D