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Tinman Walt

@Taffd You don't do dying the easy way, do you! Joking aside, glad that you're still with us and reading your journey, really puts things into perspective. I'm in next Monday for a bit of my neck to be cut out, as I apparently have a form of skin cancer. Luckily, it's benign and I am a sun dodger anyway, Freaked my wife out, as after her cancer, any mention of it and it's always a negative feel for her. Me? Couldn't care less and will be happy after it's done.

Keep us updated and glad that yer ent ded yet.

My aunt recently had a nasty "thingy" on her shoulder. Had it removed and got biopsy report last week stating "fast growing BENIGN tumour". (?otherwise known as "rodent ulcer" I believe). Anyway, all done and dusted. Hope yours is the same.
 
But you ARE full of shit sometimes. :D
Most of the time. I even talk it.

Hadn't had any output all day since about 0600, Thought it all might be happening again.

Then what seemed to be just a bit of a wet fart turned into fuckmethebag'sfull a couple of seconds later. This at about 0330. Good job I was still awake. Bed saved.

Still, one or two moments of diaheehihay a day is better than continuous slower output.
 
Had me exercise test yesterday. Wired up to monitor heart and 4 blowie tests. Tried my hardest and managed to get 4 similar readings. Daughter asked, 'Should he be turning purple like that?'

Next onto a bike with face mask on - sit for 3 minutes. Something not working, so machine recalibrated and functioning, sit for 3 minutes.

Pedal for 3 minutes at zero level, keeping the pace at 60 on the digital read-out. Continue pedalling while bike machine increased difficulty, although any increase was not discernible to me. This test can last as long as you can go - up to 2 hours.

I lasted 3 minutes and 10 secs before they stopped me, as my blood pressure dropped and I was about to faint. It was like a switch going off, one moment going ok and then suddenly my whole body seemed to give in and collapse inwards.

All good though. I'd tried my hardest and they'd got enough data.

Before the test I was weighed and had my height measured. Have lost a couple of pounds, which was probably all the shit I've got rid of over the last few days. I've also shrunk. I've lost an inch and a half since I don't know when. Age and fucked-up back due to the myeloma.

Ent ded though.

To add - stoma still working great. Tried a mac cheese on toast 2 days ago - no noticeable change in liquid output. I've tried nothing else solid for over 30 hours. I'm going to allow myself a mac cheese then, every 2 days, as a liquid/mush diet gives a craving for solid food, now I've got an appetite.
 
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So, it was time for meds. Went from chair to kitchen; take laxative. Decide I'll have an Ensure to take my tabs with. Return to chair.

Drink Ensure. Fuckit, forgot to take tabs with it. Bollocks, forgot to take the other laxative. Back to kitchen, take other laxative, make coffee for tabs.

Brainfucked.
 
oooo, dangerous combo, amnesia and laxatives...at least you remembered you forgot, better than sitting on a chair in the hall/back yard next to teh kharzi, just in case
 
Stardate etc. Logging stuff for reference before I forget.

Have noticed over the last few days that mac cheese on toast was getting harder to eat, causing a feeling of fullness part way through eating and mild pain/discomfort after. A couple of days of feeling generally unwell, not all consecutive.

Have had a chest infection for just over a week - finished a course of antibiotics and prescribed another. Hadn't ate today and when I came home from hozzy, having picked up new prescription, took two straight away. About ten minutes later I started to feel a bit unwell, vague, so asked for mac cheese. Only manged to eat a bit then a vast nausea came over me and I threw it all up. Had to go to bed where I went straight to sleep. Feeling better now and have just had chicken soup, still feeling ok but a bit lacking. **** knows what that means but it seems to fit.

After the exercise test had to be stopped to to a fall in blood pressure the other day, I was referred to cardiology and today's hozzy visit was that consult. Had an ECG which was all ok.

Apparently the drop in blood pressure would usually indicate problems with the heart's blood supply but in my case there's the long term anaemia which is probably the culprit. I've been a long time chain-smoker although I stopped a few years ago; it would be surprising if I didn't have something wrong with heart or blood vessels. The next stage is to have an Echo cardiogram, after being injected with something to cause heart stress, and thus check the heart's blood supply.

In other news my daughter has been putting things together and finding logical possible conclusions for how I've been feeling the last few days. Possibly a flare up of ischaemic colitis.

Overall, there's an awareness that things can change very quickly and become possibly life threatening. I idly wonder from time to time, 'Is this the one that's gonna get me'? Not pondering, just the occasional thought. And oddly, I get the occasional day where I feel emotional, when I could cry quite easily, when I feel a need to be hugged or snuggled warmly. It's not connected to anything or to any particular thoughts and there appear to be no triggers. Is it, I wonder, a feeling of feeling sorry for myself, a bit of self-pity? I don't know but I've no conscious feeling of being so. Hard to explain - not being aware of feeling sorry for myself while apparently having the physical feelings of being so. Odd

Ent ded though, which has a quality all of its own. And grandkids continue to be a source of utter joy; a new one came into the world on Tuesday and another two are on the way, one in the next two weeks.

Ent ded is great.

I know there's many others here with various ailments and conditions and disabilities. I wish you all well.
 
'Ideally, we'd want to be operating on someone who's not you.'

'Basically, you're dealing with a lot of shit.'

Two things said today by my gastro consultant.

---------------

In other news, another grandson has entered the world.

Having cancer means I can get pissed without an associated bollockin'.

Ent ded

---------------

I wish you all fair fettlin'.
 
I hope Dynorod do their stuff matey - get better soon.
Thanks.
"If you don't fart, you die"
Particularly relevant for me and thus I'd like to note that I've just had four or five good ones. Not that they'd usually be worthy of mention but in my case, today, they're of vast import

Not only am I ent ded, I'm also not going to be this night.

Which is nice.

My best to all
 
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