Time Traveller Essentials

#1
If you were to unfortunately find yourself transported back to Medieval times but were able to bring with you a book full of inventions and discoveries that you could build and carry out yourself, what would you want to see in the book?

A thread about Beer Making this morning brought the idea on, a diagram of a still with instructions on how to make alcohol would be in Chapter 1 :D right alongside the formula for Penicillin...

So, what would you as an ARRSER catapulted back in time want to see in such a book?
 
#3
I'm fairly sure that they had beer in the medieval times?!

I'd take simple recipes for soap and toothpaste - hence breeding chicks with half decent smiles and lickable fannies.
 
#4
Ooooh, nice one.

Just think - no 'puters, mobile fones, Big Bruvver or po-faced bitches from 'Uman Remains.

Mine would be to develop the (hopefully) first truly viable gun, or 'gonne' as it would be termed then. With this new gonne, I would take me to the Scottish Lowlands and hunt down a cetain Brown/Browne/Broon family and introduce the 14th Century to the phrase 'going postal'.

..............but that presupposes that a previous time-travelling arrser had already introduced a rudimentary postal service.
 
#5
My degree notes on metalergy, metal casting, Chemistry, a set of 7.62 loading dies, and a GPMG. And me and King Henry would rule the world
 
#6
So by medieval, we aren't in King Arthur's court and we're not Connecticut Yankees.

Still, in addition to the items mentioned above, plans for a water powered electrical generator, and a design for the electric chair. First users of the chair to be certain ancestors of two people called John Ebenezer Brown and Leo Blair, just so their sons never rise to a position where they can abuse any power they may (or may not) be elected to.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." ~ Arthur C. Clarke
 

Bouillabaisse

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
CCF_CI said:
.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." ~ Arthur C. Clarke
Which quotation would have you tied to a stake with a lot of faggots buring by your feet and not in a good way.

Tropper's metallurgy and an idiot's guide to gunpowder would be good, as well as a basic book on surgical procedures. The latter would make you a very rich doctor, if you combined it with basic hygiene procedures for your patients
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
the hygiene and surgical procedures would be excellent, as would the metallurgy and firearms expertise.

suppose you added naval architecture into that mix, and were able to give Sir Francis Drake a fleet of crude dreadnoughts by the time he faced the Armada? and following on from that, supposing people were able to develop them effectively, where would the Navy have been around the turn of the 1800s?
 
#9
maguire said:
...............suppose you added naval architecture into that mix, and were able to give Sir Francis Drake a fleet of crude dreadnoughts by the time he faced the Armada? and following on from that, supposing people were able to develop them effectively, where would the Navy have been around the turn of the 1800s?
.........but on no account develop a Dark Ages iPod.
 
#10
I took it as read that we would all be able to use the skills we had picked up over our lives so far, so basic medical, military, seamanship,and engineering skills ect would be taken on bourd
 

Fronty

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#11
In addition to Tropper's list, I'd have to throw in something later in the book about basic chemical engineering, possibly to do with cracking crude down to a decent fuel-grade liquid. couple that with the metallurgy knowledge and I'd soon have a few tanks knocking around the Pas De Calais.
 
#12
Huge box of lingerie and soap, perfume etc. If I am going to be stuck in the medieval equivalent of Doncaster I might as well enjoy myself. Maybe a wind up torch or 2
 
#13
Honest answer? I'd want to see a design which would allow me to build, from readily available local materials, a time machine to get me the fuck out of the mediaeval period. I've been to Otterburn, I certainly wouldn't want to be stuck there the rest of my life!
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#15
A copy of the Human Rights' Act of course :twisted:
 

OldSnowy

LE
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#16
Metallurgy textbooks, certainly. Also, a good geophys survey of the British Isles to point out where the ores are (and abroad, if they've got any gold, silver, or gems.....). Followed by a basic blueprint for a good double-condensing steam engine, and soon my ironclad land leviathans would wipe the French from the earth, as is (always has been, always will be) our destiny. With sufficient raw power, provided by steam, the necessity for gunpowder would be reduced for a good few years. Oh, and the plans for a basic Difference Engine, to make all the required maths a little less tedious would be handy.

Finally, a job lot of soft toilet paper would probably not go amiss.....
 
#17
Bouillabaisse said:
a lot of faggots buring by your feet
I think you've just committed a hate crime.

Didn't we end up ruling Hong Kong for 100 years by getting most of China hooked on opium?

Didn't Cecil Rhodes manage to get an entire country named after him by getting the Zulu king hooked on morphine?

Conquest through drug addiction. It's the British way.

All you'd need is the recipe for crack cocaine and you could rule the mediaeval world. That and a few hints on how to find the pole star directed at a certain Captain C Columbus together with a recommendation to fill his ship up with coca leaves instead of tobacco and spuds on the return journey.
 
#18
My book would ideally be full of hentai, and plans to build a camera and film (I believe you need chalk, silver, iodine, and mercury to fix an image at a basic level), and plans for a printing press. I could then become the world's first porn baron.
 
#19
Auld-Yin said:
A copy of the Human Rights' Act of course :twisted:
Aw, AY, you were my role model till you posted that!!! :(
 
#20
The patent rights for the X factor and Microsoft! It might take a few centuries but this time next year Rodney!

P-T
 

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