Time to play the minority card

ugly

LE
Moderator
#1
I am considering applying for a job with a big publicly owned firm and as it is run for left wing lesbos etc and funded by your taxes I figured my best chance to secure the job at the interview was to play the race card.
Now those that know me may wonder how under equality and diver4sity there isnt a slot for a racist white middle class overwight bigot, surely they are underrepresented, but alas it wont work, I have tested the water with HR and its a no no!
I figure that I will do the interview and if going badly ask if its because I'm a traveller that they are making things difficult?
What do you reckon, worth a stab? :?
 
#2
Give it a go. Now if you turn up with arseless chaffs on sporting a pink sombreo that should seal the deal.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#3
I thought about the pink option but they know me too well.
 
#4
White, fat, racist and homophobic bods are most definately under-represented in government funded organisations.

I feel they/we have been marginalised and left on the terraces, or worse, invading the pitches.
 
#5
roninxix, you beat me to it.
Just pretend to be gay.

Or go for the albino-negro option. I bet they haven't got one of them working there.
You'll be snapped up in no time.
 
#6
I must admit on most forms I fill in now i always state I am mixed race,
The old man was a jock, and my mother is a geordie, so it should count, although
the last time i filled it out I was definately given funny looks but was moved up to the front of the line.
 
#7
When it gets onto the "which public figures do you most admire...?" question. Lead in with "Hitler, obviously", then pause before naming your diictator of choice - don't forget to point out that both of these people were massively misunderstood, and that you are looking forward to working for an organisation where diversity of creed, colour, religion or political view is no bar to anyone.

Good luck Ugly - you know you want to!
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#8
I might add that I have been temping here for almmost a year and they still havent sussed me out yet!
 
#9
Over here you have to fill out a 'equality monitoring form' when applying for a job.Load of old bollux really....

[/quote]MONITORING QUESTIONNAIRE Private & Confidential




We are an Equal Opportunities Employer. We do not discriminate on grounds of religious belief or political opinion. We practice equality of opportunity in employment and select the best person for the job.

To demonstrate our commitment to equality of opportunity in employment we need to monitor the community background of our applicants and employees, as required by the Fair Employment and Treatment (NI) Order 1998.

Regardless of whether we practice religion, most of us in Northern Ireland are seen as either Catholic or Protestant. We are therefore asking you to indicate your community background by ticking the appropriate box below.



I am a Member of the Protestant Community



I am a Member of the Roman Catholic Community



I am a member of neither the Protestant nor
Roman Catholic Community



Please indicate whether you are: Female: Male:


If you do not complete this questionnaire, we are encouraged to use the ‘residuary’ method, which means that we can make a determination on the basis of personal information on file/application form.

Note:

It is a criminal offence under the legislation for a person to “give false information …in connection with the preparation of the monitoring return”.


Please return the questionnaire only in the envelope provided.
 
#10
Tell them you're Cornish, I know a few blokes who got into northern filth forces using that one.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#11
Cornish said:
Tell them you're Cornish, I know a few blokes who got into northern filth forces using that one.
Careful, as I enlisted at Redruth I was dicked to be the junior oggie in CCoy 1LI and had t5o present pasties to outgoing Brigs etc. I was actually born in lancs and only went south west aged 7.
 
#12
I think that being 'gay' is your best bet. I have applied for several government based jobs only to come away thinking that I was the token white middle aged (I was then) hetrosexual male interviewed.
 
#14
In the area of government that I work the most over represented category is female, grossly overweight & massively incompetent/idle...
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#15
CaptainPlume said:
In the area of government that I work the most over represented category is female, grossly overweight & massively incompetent/idle...
Nearly there, I can be a Cnut!
 
#16
I hasten to add I am now out of the Forces & never was a member of the RLC...
 
#17
Surely the easiest one, and the most difficult to disprove, is that you are a 'traveller'? They are the current, flavour of the month for whining, left-wing councils. Just surround your desk with piles of rubbish and old fridges, burn the fence on a big bonfire in the car park and help yourself to any pick-ups or 4x4s that have been left there. You might also like to trade in the Lab for something a bit more psychotic with a spiked, dog-fighting harness. If you could build something on a piece of common land without planning permission, that would help.

If anyone says anything, just claim discrimination as a result of your cultural heritage, and you should get enough compensation to mean you don't need the job anyway.
 
#18
ABrighter2006 said:
When it gets onto the "which public figures do you most admire...?" question. Lead in with "Hitler, obviously", then pause before naming your diictator of choice - don't forget to point out that both of these people were massively misunderstood, and that you are looking forward to working for an organisation where diversity of creed, colour, religion or political view is no bar to anyone.

Good luck Ugly - you know you want to!
Incidentally, similar comments work very well for the avoidance of Jury Service. Just a thought.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#19
I think Travelling Cornish Nationalist is the way ahead!
 

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