Time to come out of the closet

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by smudge67, Feb 2, 2009.

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  1. Right, over the past few weeks, and on various threads it has been alledged that I am a raving homo of the highest order (higher than Jarrod it would seem??)

    So...after reading all these post, I feel that perhaps I am a queen......if I weren't then why would these post say otherwise??!

    So....to that end, I must be a shitstabbing, uphill gardening, shirt lifting poofter.

    So....how do I start acting like one? If I am destined to suck on the purple headed pleasure piston.....the one eyed trouser snake.....the anal intruder....for the rest of my life....then all advice will be greatly received (so to speak).

    Do I need to go out and purchase a "Salmon Pink" shirt....or some moleskin trousers?

    If it is to be my destiny then I NEED TO KNOW!!
     
  2. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Uphill gardening is a cardinal sin as opposed to a Cardinal sin which is one especially reserved for Cardinals but ehm we wont go there!

    Go stick a red hot poker up yer arrse and your sins will be absolved.
     
  3. That's not gay.....that's the Armourers way!
     
  4. I have it on good authority that one might require a signet ring.

    By the way, is Jarrod really one of those tinsel-toed chaps :? I would have thought he was far too rugged & northern.

    I remain, &c.

    ~D.C.
     
  5. He's just rugged and Northern with it. Ought to put him in touch with a Northern gay mechanic I know - they could play with each other's socket sets!
     
  6. Feck i was in the Blue Oyster in Manc on sat.
    Someone could have mentioned it was a gay bar. 8O
     
  7. Smudge, why not ease yourself into the gay lifestyle gently? No, I'm not talking about vaseline or swarfega, but how about trying bisexuality? Bi- now, gay later.
     
  8. You never watched the police academy films? Or am i showing my age now
     
  9. Oh crap, it's like deja vu.
     
  10. Its common knowledge that if you are as the the song goes

    A Im an armourer

    B Im an armourer

    C Im an armourer

    D Im an armourer

    By default your are a latent spaff guzzler. Its common knowledge that its the gayest trade in village, unless your Rechy Mech - you swing both ways or you wear signet ring.

    Buy a tub of vaseline of and cut your arse out of your newly bought new leather pants, and buy plenty of marc almond records and bronski beat tunes, to get you in to mood before you get down to your local sausage fest hostilery.

    Have your tee-shirt have printed on the back saying - 'get it here' with and arrow pointing towards your gaping hole in your leather trousers.
     
  11. It's only gay if you push back...apparently.. :wink:
     
  12. Look at the bright side smudge. You can shower with the girls and help them choose their bra's and undies :)
     
  13. Smudge, if you're going 'batty' does that mean Laura is surplus to requirement? And if so, ask her my chances vìs a vìs a soapy tit-wаnk – it would be a shame to let that ‘rack’ go to waste. :wink:
     
  14. Hmm....becoming a walt gay may not be a bad idea.
     
  15. Hmmmm......every cloud and all that!