Time to come out of the closet

#1
Right, over the past few weeks, and on various threads it has been alledged that I am a raving homo of the highest order (higher than Jarrod it would seem??)

So...after reading all these post, I feel that perhaps I am a queen......if I weren't then why would these post say otherwise??!

So....to that end, I must be a shitstabbing, uphill gardening, shirt lifting poofter.

So....how do I start acting like one? If I am destined to suck on the purple headed pleasure piston.....the one eyed trouser snake.....the anal intruder....for the rest of my life....then all advice will be greatly received (so to speak).

Do I need to go out and purchase a "Salmon Pink" shirt....or some moleskin trousers?

If it is to be my destiny then I NEED TO KNOW!!
 

BiscuitsAB

LE
Moderator
#2
smudge67 said:
Right, over the past few weeks, and on various threads it has been alledged that I am a raving homo of the highest order (higher than Jarrod it would seem??)

So...after reading all these post, I feel that perhaps I am a queen......if I weren't then why would these post say otherwise??!

So....to that end, I must be a shitstabbing, uphill gardening, shirt lifting poofter.

So....how do I start acting like one? If I am destined to suck on the purple headed pleasure piston.....the one eyed trouser snake.....the anal intruder....for the rest of my life....then all advice will be greatly received (so to speak).

Do I need to go out and purchase a "Salmon Pink" shirt....or some moleskin trousers?

If it is to be my destiny then I NEED TO KNOW!!
Uphill gardening is a cardinal sin as opposed to a Cardinal sin which is one especially reserved for Cardinals but ehm we wont go there!

Go stick a red hot poker up yer arrse and your sins will be absolved.
 
#4
I have it on good authority that one might require a signet ring.

By the way, is Jarrod really one of those tinsel-toed chaps :? I would have thought he was far too rugged & northern.

I remain, &c.

~D.C.
 
#5
Dashing_Chap said:
I have it on good authority that one might require a signet ring.

By the way, is Jarrod really one of those tinsel-toed chaps :? I would have thought he was far too rugged & northern.

I remain, &c.

~D.C.
He's just rugged and Northern with it. Ought to put him in touch with a Northern gay mechanic I know - they could play with each other's socket sets!
 
#6
verticalgyro said:
smudge67 said:
verticalgyro said:
Come on Smudge, I thought you were an armourer.

You must have a few terabytes of bum-fondling porn on your hard drive.
That's not gay.....that's the Armourers way!
Then stop wnaking over it, get yourself down to the local Blue Oyster and start living the dream!
Feck i was in the Blue Oyster in Manc on sat.
Someone could have mentioned it was a gay bar. 8O
 
#7
Smudge, why not ease yourself into the gay lifestyle gently? No, I'm not talking about vaseline or swarfega, but how about trying bisexuality? Bi- now, gay later.
 
#8
Matty0001 said:
verticalgyro said:
smudge67 said:
verticalgyro said:
Come on Smudge, I thought you were an armourer.

You must have a few terabytes of bum-fondling porn on your hard drive.
That's not gay.....that's the Armourers way!
Then stop wnaking over it, get yourself down to the local Blue Oyster and start living the dream!
Feck i was in the Blue Oyster in Manc on sat.
Someone could have mentioned it was a gay bar. 8O
You never watched the police academy films? Or am i showing my age now
 
#9
joey_deacons_lad said:
Matty0001 said:
verticalgyro said:
smudge67 said:
verticalgyro said:
Come on Smudge, I thought you were an armourer.

You must have a few terabytes of bum-fondling porn on your hard drive.
That's not gay.....that's the Armourers way!
Then stop wnaking over it, get yourself down to the local Blue Oyster and start living the dream!
Feck i was in the Blue Oyster in Manc on sat.
Someone could have mentioned it was a gay bar. 8O
You never watched the police academy films? Or am i showing my age now
The Blue Oyster Bar is a fictional bar, and the setting of a recurring gag-scene of the comedy film series Police Academy.

The bar is a stereotypical depiction of a leathermen's/bear gay bar, featuring patrons dressed up as bikers in leather clothing, police officers, sailors, and other stereotypical masculine gay fashion archetypes.

Within the Police Academy film series, unsuspecting characters periodically enter the bar unaware of its nature (this usually happens as a prank by the lead characters). Once inside, a group of patrons are depicted as leering towards the police officers and ready to force the frightened victims to dance with them, invariably to a tango called "El Bimbo", a 1972 hit from Bimbo Jet.
Oh crap, it's like deja vu.
 
#10
Its common knowledge that if you are as the the song goes

A Im an armourer

B Im an armourer

C Im an armourer

D Im an armourer

By default your are a latent spaff guzzler. Its common knowledge that its the gayest trade in village, unless your Rechy Mech - you swing both ways or you wear signet ring.

Buy a tub of vaseline of and cut your arse out of your newly bought new leather pants, and buy plenty of marc almond records and bronski beat tunes, to get you in to mood before you get down to your local sausage fest hostilery.

Have your tee-shirt have printed on the back saying - 'get it here' with and arrow pointing towards your gaping hole in your leather trousers.
 
#13
Smudge, if you're going 'batty' does that mean Laura is surplus to requirement? And if so, ask her my chances vìs a vìs a soapy tit-wаnk – it would be a shame to let that ‘rack’ go to waste. :wink:
 
#16
LEFTY478 said:
Smudge, if you're going 'batty' does that mean Laura is surplus to requirement? And if so, ask her my chances vìs a vìs a soapy tit-wаnk – it would be a shame to let that ‘rack’ go to waste. :wink:
Of course! I'll drop her round when I get a free minute.
 
#17
verticalgyro said:
Come on Smudge, I thought you were an armourer.

You must have a few terabytes of bum-fondling porn on your hard drive.
He is an Armourer and is therefore a bronzed beach God, handsome, intelligent and modest. ALL ARMOURERS are God's in their own right and are the standard that other mortals aspire too.
 
#18
If you should choose the deviant side Smudge do us all a favour and keep it in the closet.
You see, being a back door bandit is perfectly respectable in this day and age (apparently) but the rest of the world would far prefer not to know!
You can all fcuk whoever you like but must you really invent a fooking flag to celebrate it (and dangle it from North Wales Police HQ)?
Enjoy, but kindly keep the closet door shut!!!!!
 
#19
Right, it's been nearly a year and so far I can only conclude that you ARRSErs must have got it wrong. Not so much as a sniff of man love, or the urge to purchase Vaseline thus far. I even met Jarrod, and there was no offer of cottaging let alone manly toilet love.

Looks like I'm destined to carry on servicing the ladies :)

Oh, I did kiss a guards Capt on new years eve, but that doesn't count.
 

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