Tighter than a squids arse....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Nov 3, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I work with a blerk who never ceases to amaze me, his tightness is become legend at work. He can light a fag in his pocket, is always on the bog when it's his round and he can peel an orange in his pocket.

    Now we've all done that when we are skint, or herself, the shadowless pre-menstrual one indoors, is barking for more shoes than the kids have feet, or for IKEA tat to fill the house.

    But I've just noticed that his poppy, proudly sported, has "Haigh Fund" on it's centre boss.

    Now that is tight! I am completely gobsmacked.

    What do you do with a bloke like that?
     
  2. Bend him over the desk and dry bum him


    TPBD
     
  3. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Nick his poppy and sell on e-bay, you should get a fortune for that antique (especially if you said 'as worn by SAS'.)
     
  4. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I knew a bloke in Gutersloh who had laminated his poppy. Tight cunt!

    Oh and TPBD, does it have to be a desk or will any furniture do?
     
  5. I suppose any furniture will do, as long as you can see a tv from it

    TPBD
     
  6. I always put a pound in the tin for my poppy. I would say no less than 50p per poppy for them that want to display one.
     
  7. What if there's nothing good on, as usual? An aquarium, perhaps? An ant farm? Windchimes?
     
  8. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Why would I want to look at a Transvestite whilst being dry bummed or doing the dry bumming. Unless it was for inspiration I suppose.
     
  9. You forgot to mention nodding attentively whilst the smelly old "when I's" from the legion or Chelsea Hospital tell you:

    "We had nout when I were in.... and we were glad to get that!"

    before watching them descend on the mess curry buffett like a hoard of scabby locusts!
     
  10. Nothing wrong with being frugal and making the most of your assets. The other day, whilst making coffee for vistors, I knocked the unlidded jar over and watched in pure horror as the coffee poured over the edge of the worktop straight into the dogs water bowl. No problem, water from dog bowl tipped into kettle, boiled and coffee served. The dog drool in the water combined with milk gave a very pleasing frothy coffee effect which seemed to be appreciated by my guests.

    Edited to add .... I took tea :)
     
  11. I doubt Michael Foot will be wearing his bin man's jacket undone this year unless they buried him in it.
     
  12. You've just ruined a perfectly good thread by mentioning that overstuffed colostomy bag!
     
  13. so....



    how tight IS a squid's arse? And more's the point...how do you know?? You're the one that killed Paul the Octopus aren't you, they hushed up the botty injuries!!!
     
  14. I read it as a squaddies arse. :oops: