Throwing Oneself On The Fat Grenade.

#1
Having read numerous recent posts about gallant tales of operational derring do; it has come to my attention that there is in fact, a large band of unsung heroes amidst the denizens of ARRSE who deserve both our gratitude and recognition.

I am of course talking of those selfless and courageous souls who make the ultimate sacrifice:

Those men whom sacrifice their dignity and self esteem by throwing themselves on the fat grenade so that their mate can score with the much slimmer and better looking bird.

Though it may seem to us the least that a good soldier would do for his general I feel that their should be some reward for this noble deed.

Now if you make a donation or numerous postings you get a Medal on ARRSE, if you are a cad and a boundah, you get an O2 Thief tag, it seems to me that their should at least be some sort of award for bravery in the field of whoring and beer drinking, especially if you are quoted in the press for "Embarrasing" The MOD.

I was thinking along the lines of something like "Mentioned in ARRSE Despatches"

Thoughts and any relevent tales anyone?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#2
What a wonderful idea. It's an overdue award for those brave and selfless souls who give their all for a friend. No greater duty can a man perform. Incidentally, a welcome by-product of this sacrifice is that "well-endowed" women generally give superb blow jobs! Or so I hear!!!
 
#3
Yes, My Batman used to describe this phenomona to me. Unfortunately I myself am the type of Cad who "Goal Hangs".

You know the type, you spend all evening chatting up a delightful filly, buying her drinks etc, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, then you pop to the lavatory and I nip in and score the winner.

Ding DONG!!
 
#4
I was always first over the top with the fat lasses, it was my duty to recce the area before full drinking ops, once the main body joined us, i was always defending the flanks sparing and fending off the fat evil looking enemy, however after numerous hits by the stella sniper, i usually was taken prisoner by the big nurse type (POW wounded) (prisoner of wench)

As i watched my comrades escape out to the next flesh OPs, I was dragged to Flat/nurses flat/ allyway/ doorway to await my fate!!

I could go in to the gorey detail, but i cant talk about it!!
 
#5
Sounds like a reasonable idea.

How will the scoring or judging be done - where will be the proof of such activitiy.

BT.
 
#6
The_Cad said:
Yes, My Batman used to describe this phenomona to me. Unfortunately I myself am the type of Cad who "Goal Hangs".

You know the type, you spend all evening chatting up a delightful filly, buying her drinks etc, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, then you pop to the lavatory and I nip in and score the winner.
Ding DONG!!
So, basicly, you're a cnut then?
 
#7
Time spent on recce is seldom wasted Old boy!
 
#9
A cnut who doesn't waste valuable beer tokens on lubricating strumpets.

I take it you often return home Sans Totty due to the actions of less scrupulous comrades?

Never mind, in these days of Gay liberation, I'm sure you will find alternate methods of pleasure.
 
#11
The_Cad said:
A cnut who doesn't waste valuable beer tokens on lubricating strumpets.
No, you let your "mates" waste their money, so you can slime in afterwards (why do I have a feeling you are a PTI??)

The_Cad said:
I take it you often return home Sans Totty due to the actions of less scrupulous comrades?
No, I return home by myself for a pot noodle and a w@nk, due to me being an ugly git.

The_Cad said:
Never mind, in these days of Gay liberation, I'm sure you will find alternate methods of pleasure.
Was that an offer, or do I have to wait for your muckers to get me pi$$ed first?
 
#12
Nope, you have to wait for my mate to score with you so that I can run off with your much better looking PTI boyfriend...

The only reason I adopted the goal hanging technique was due to unscrupulous colleagues sharking in like Great Whites when there's blood in the water.

Attack being the best form of defence when it comes to the fairer sex.

Besides, my intention is to recognise those souls who put the likes of me to shame.

My cnutishness is not in doubt.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#13
I was once captured by a 'lady' who was not only VERY comfortably built, but was ginger and Welsh! I blame copious amounts of San Mig and a very dubious Malayan whisky. She held me hostage for 14 hours. 14 long and terrible hours!
However, after many,many years I can now stop taking the tablets, and my visits to the shrink are becoming less often. Soon, I hope to be able to resume normal sexual activity, and that will be a blessing.
 
#14
The_Cad said:
My cnutishness is not in doubt.
Well said that man.

But for now, I'll stick to pretending i'm taking one for the team, when infact, you actually get a decent breakfast if you go home with the bloater. (and maybe a piggyback ride to camp afterwards, depending on how big she is).
 
#15
Theres only two things that come from Wales... Rugby Players and beautiful women.


So... what position did she play?
 
#16
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I was once captured by a 'lady' who was not only VERY comfortably built, but was ginger and Welsh! I blame copious amounts of San Mig and a very dubious Malayan whisky. She held me hostage for 14 hours. 14 long and terrible hours!
However, after many,many years I can now stop taking the tablets, and my visits to the shrink are becoming less often. Soon, I hope to be able to resume normal sexual activity, and that will be a blessing.
This brought a tear to my eye, brought back painful mamories, gonna have to lay down and hope those bad dreams go away :frustrated:
 
#17
This is precisely why I want to raise attention to the hidden cost of shagging fat birds. At least some sort of grateful recognition of your sacrifices may ease your suffering during those long scary evenings.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#18
She was a tight head. And good at it too.
 
#19
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I was once captured by a 'lady' who was not only VERY comfortably built, but was ginger and Welsh! I blame copious amounts of San Mig and a very dubious Malayan whisky. She held me hostage for 14 hours. 14 long and terrible hours!
However, after many,many years I can now stop taking the tablets, and my visits to the shrink are becoming less often. Soon, I hope to be able to resume normal sexual activity, and that will be a blessing.
Normal??? Whats wrong with black and nasty, a pair of pliers, rocking chair, alsatian and a scatched cd of "stuck in the middle with you" playing, just to get me hard???

I really worry about people today.
 
#20
sebcoe said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I was once captured by a 'lady' who was not only VERY comfortably built, but was ginger and Welsh! I blame copious amounts of San Mig and a very dubious Malayan whisky. She held me hostage for 14 hours. 14 long and terrible hours!
However, after many,many years I can now stop taking the tablets, and my visits to the shrink are becoming less often. Soon, I hope to be able to resume normal sexual activity, and that will be a blessing.
This brought a tear to my eye, brought back painful mamories, gonna have to lay down and hope those bad dreams go away :frustrated:
Brought a tear to mine as well.
 

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