Through the keyhole....Arrse style.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by steven seagull, Aug 25, 2011.

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  1. I've just been looking at footage of the Gaddafi families homes and as usual its all big tv's, gold statues and tasteless decor. They have even less imagination than that fat chav that won the lottery some years back!

    It made me wonder how my fellow Arrsers would pimp their mansions if they were able to help themselves to shit loads of oil money?

    I expect plenty of gold plated sh*ds, rape cellars will become rape wings and the old and bold will want a range in the backyard for their SLR's and LMG's but the odd serious answer would be interesting as well.

    Me? I used to fancy buying one of those forts off the coast until I realised what a bastard it would be getting back from the boozer.
  2. I d buy Arrse, and then charge all youse mobile phone rates to use it.

    I do like talking to myself.
  3. Fair one, but how would you pimp your domicile?
  4. I'd give it all to the polish.
  5. I'd have some right angles designed back into the house. It's rather old and feels like something out of Dr Seuss.
  6. I would build a 'BAT CAVE' under mine, complete with vehicles, weapon systems and a handy butler to keep al in check!!
  7. Mr Sheen? How odd.
  8. Well, thats obvious. My walls would be adorned with the stuffed Heads of all outed Walts, mounted on the best Ebony plaques money could buy, a solid gold engraved shield noting capture date, operational theater etc.

    I d particuarly like Alec Webster as a walking-stick/umbrella-stand "a la" the Elephants legs of Victorian times.
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  9. I'd adorn mine with all the finest hi tech...HD tv's on every wall, six figure cars in the driveway, a floor to ceiling whisky rack and more ps3's than you could wish for. I'd also have the placed rigged with explosives and leave the curtains open and all the lights on at a Croydon resident you can guess where this is going !
  10. You could use his wife clunge as a two car garage. (or would that be two chariots?)

    Anywho, I like the head mounting idea but what weapons would you use on your hunt?
  11. I'd buy a set of dividers and draw a 1 mile radius around my house. I'd then progressively oust people, buildings and cars I didn't like from this area until I was living in my fantasy world.
  12. Oust them with what?

  13. Fixed that for you.
  14. Er, this:

  15. I'd smear dog shit into the carpets, hang nicotine stained net curtains in the windows, beat my pregnant 18 year old wife on a nightly basis after quoffing 2 bottles of Grouse, all whilst living in a newly built married quarter.

    Just like every other married Fiijian Pte.
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