• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

Three Tasks...

A bloke goes into a pub and sees a sign saying, 'Complete 3 tasks and win 500 quid'. The bloke can't resist, so he heads inside and asks the barman about the details.

The barman says; "See that big bloke in the corner, the skinhead? First off, you've got to knock him out". The bloke doesnt like the sound of this, but he says "Whats the second?".

The barman replies, "I've got a vicious rottweiler downstairs, with a toothache, you've got to pull the tooth out".

The bloke says "And whats the third?" The barman leans over and whispers;

"You see that young woman over there, well, she's never had an orgasm. You have to have sex with her until she does."

"Well", says the bloke, "I don't like the sound of those first two, I won't bother." So, he goes back to his drink.

After several pints of Stella, the bloke returns to the bar, pissed as a fart. "So... " he says to the barman "Haar bout dat fife undert quid". The Barman points the skinhead, and the bloke walks over and punches him out with a single blow.

"Whash next?" the drunk says. The barman points downstairs and says "The Rottweiler". So the bloke goes downstairs, and soon there is an almighty commotion, barking, howling, screaming, things getting smashed up and so on.

Eventually the bloke staggers back upstairs, covered in blood and says.."Right, wheres that bird with the toothache then?"

Latest Threads