Threatened by a walt...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by E=MC_Hammer, Jan 23, 2009.

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  1. Bare with me here, long story...

    I work in a fairly well known military suplies shop (ex reg and serving TA myself) and have had to deal with complete nutters on a regular basis as you can imagine. Think Travis Bickle, you're close to most non military customers of ours.
    However the other day i served a lad who seemed VERY odd, he came to the counter and asked for a mini gun pouch, i laughed thinking he was joking yet his face did not crack. I decided therfore to ignore him and let someone else deal with him until i heard him enquire about the dummy grenades we sell. He stated that he had spent 5 years in the guards yet said the line 'ooh grenades, i never saw one of those before'. I then decided to start serving him again.....

    He then came out with ' these grenades....they're...they're blowing my mind...'

    I love this kind of thing so i was in my element, i asked him how he hadn't touched a grenade if he was a guard for 5 years and he said 'oh we didn't have to do that'. Then he asked my boss if we sold the charges for inside the grenade. I knew my boss didn't know what he was talking about so i said no we don't. He then took umbridge at what i was saying and said that that wasn't what he was asking, i pointed out that it clearly was and so we got into a pathetic 'yes it was, no it wasn't' type arguement.

    He then said i had made a mistake and had been a bit silly and that i was going to get 'a visit'. Then after walking to the exit walked back to me and claimed 'i'm a landmine and you've just stepped on me'.


    He then came back in the shop on my day off apparently looking for me.
    Am i actually going to have to leather someone who is clearly mentally ill if he comes back in?

    *edited as i realised the differnce between 'bear' and 'bare'
  2. Why not throw a grenade at him?
  3. In a word...yes. Then once you've knocked him out prop him up outside the shop with a notice around his neck saying "This what happens to Walt mentalists!"

    .....unless you're a big girl and are scared! :wink:
  4. He's a loon - sell him a fake and tell him it's real - he'll probably wnak himself into a coma (or into a Commer, but that's another story) :lol:
  5. Simple answer is to do a 'Pulp fiction' on him;


    Just don't leave a sword conveniently lying around.
  6. If you do leather him make it a good one, he is probably more of a danger to himself than others.

    Please also remember after you get your lawyer (say fuck all till you have him or her there) "fearing for my life beleiving him to be carrying a weapon I was forced to defend myself" .
  7. you should of told him you had a special secret mission for him :wink:
  8. Get a real grenade, when he comes looking for you, say hi found a grenade with a charge inside, pull pin and shout catch then duck behind hopefully solid counter. Tell boss nutter came in and tried to blow place up. He claims off insurance.
  9. I'm sure if you bluff him back he'll either leave you alone or want to marry you somehow.
  10. Either that or he'll get himself shot on the underground :roll:
  11. i don't know what to do, i'm happy to laugh at the cnut but if he comes in again he obviously has a serious problem. No problem in smacking him one but don't really want the sack or a criminal record. Anyway thats besides the point as i thought it would make my fellow arrsers laugh. He also threated my collegue for accidentally standing on his trainers then said 'no it's alright they're shit any way so i'll let you off' My collegue is massive. I think this walt may well be a comedy genius. Albeit one with a death wish.
  12. Some of these people can be seriously scary feckers. The dribblers that used to go to my pal's shop were unbalanced to say the least. They'd stand at the counter just staring at the knives; or they'd pick up a bit of webbing and stand there stroking it.
    None of them were ex-Forces. Most of them seemed like that strange man that lives up in East Anglia and who said that he modelled himself on Rambo.
    It got so bad that my friends got rid of all the surplus stuff because it driving away their main business of the climbers and backpackers.
  13. OOOH you'll like this, he also asked if we had any snow pattern DPM(???) because he has to go to Oslo next week to 'whack' someone. Seriously. Had a guy in today who claims to be ex 'them' and walks around Manchester in a black web tex assault vest talking into a bluetooth head set saying things like 'target is foxtrot'. He had his son with him, what chance has that poor lad got? He was already wearing SA combats with his rockports(or whatever the 'youts' are wearing now)
  14. here you are sir

    Iv'e got a new way to deal with walts , pull out your note book ,sit them down and bore them to death with the many thousands of photograph you have taken over your many years of service, They end up calling you master just like Renfield the nutter in the Journal of Jonathan Harker

    Attached Files:

  15. Sounds like endless fun to me, try a few code phrases on him "The falcon soars at midnight" sort of thing, see if you can send him on a "mission".