Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Sep 20, 2003.

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  1. just a few names for it

    A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
    Auditioning the hand puppet
    Badgering the witness
    Beating the fuck out of your best friend
    Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
    Beating the snot outta Rotney
    Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
    Blueball baseball
    Calling down for more Mayo
    Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
    Caping the crusader
    Cheating on your other hand
    Checking the plumbing
    Choking the bald guy 'til he pukes
    Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
    Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
    Committing mass spermicide
    Decongesting the weasel
    Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
    Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
    Dropping the kids off at the pool
    Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
    Evicting the testicular squatters
    Firing the presidential staff
    Fishing for zipper trout
    Five-finger discount
    Flogging your dumber brother
    Foreplay with Fistina
    Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
    Freeing the hostages
    Freeing Willy
    Getting your palm red
    Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
    Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
    Giving the seamen shore leave
    Giving yourself a helping hand
    Giving yourself a low five
    Having a play date with your little friend
    Having a puppet show in your pants
    Having a staff meeting
    Hitchhiking under the Big Top
    Launching the morning missile
    Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
    Making special sauce with frank and beans
    Making the bald guy cry
    Making the Cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
    Making the llama spit
    Manhandling your man-handle
    Milking the bull
    Million sperm march
    My sex life! (Okay, that one's more sad than funny)
    One-handed workout
    Opening up a bottle of Squirt
    Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
    Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
    Playing the stand-up organ
    Playing with Yoosef
    Polishing the family jewels
    Polishing the hot rod
    Polishing the purple people pleaser
    Practicing for the Big Game
    Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
    Rapid one arm pull-ups
    Releasing the Olympic Doves
    Riding the Great White Knuckler
    Romancing the bone
    Roughing the passer
    Roughing up the suspect
    Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
    Running in single-user mode
    Running off a batch by hand
    Sanding the obelisk
    Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
    Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
    Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
    Shaking the hand of the self-employed
    Shooting tadpoles at the moon
    Shooting the pump action porridge gun
    Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
    Spackling the ceiling
    Spending some quality time with yourself
    Spilling my children on my belly
    Spit-polishing the purple helmet
    Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
    Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
    Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
    Taking little Elvis to Graceland
    Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
    Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
    Target practice with the yogurt gun
    Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
    Tenderizing the tube steak
    Test-firing the meat missile
    Testing the hand cream dispenser
    Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
    Tube sock tango
    Warming up the altar boy's dinner
    White-water wristing
    Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
    Zygote spraying
  2. Nice collection, i'll have to use some of them more in conversation. However, not one comes close to describing "a sly on off the cuff" in a porta potty which hasnt been emptied for 7 days, in the middle of the desert, when its 48 degrees outside. I now know i can turn myself on anywhere, i've reached the peak of my wanking life :?
  3. I think you've covered all of them MDN. Done a lot of wanking in your time then?
  4. Mdn wasn't known as the wanker of the AAC for nowt you know! :lol:
  5. And a few for the ladies parallel activity

    Applying nail polish remover
    Auditioning the finger puppets
    Brushing your afro
    Buttering your bagel
    Checking for squirrels
    Checking the foxhole
    Checking the oil
    Checking the status of the I/O port
    Cleaning my fur coat
    Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
    Defrosting the freezer
    Dialing the rotary phone
    Diggin' the stench trench
    Digging for my keys
    Doing my nails
    Doing something for my chapped lips
    Doing the two-finger slot rumba
    Double-clicking your mouse
    Draining the tuna
    Drilling for oil
    Dusting the endtable
    Feeding the bearded clam
    Filling the pink taco
    Filling your niche
    Finding yourself
    Fingering something out
    Finishing the job
    Fishing for cumpliments
    Fishing for mackerel
    Flipping the light switch repeatedly
    Flossing the cat
    Fluffing the kitty
    Gagging my meat hole
    Gagging the clam
    Getting a lube job
    Getting a stain out of my carpet
    Getting a stinky pinky
    Getting the last pickle out of the jar
    Getting to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
    Going deep sea diving
    Going to and from the Batcave
    Hand tossing the tuna salad
    Having ladyfingers and cream
    Hitchhiking South
    Indoor fishing
    Jilling off
    Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
    Making your own gravy
    Menage a moi
    Muffin buffin'
    Nail polish remover
    Nursing a hatchet wound
    Opening the bottom drawer
    Paddling the pink canoe
    Parting the Red Sea
    Petting the kitty
    Playing the clitar
    Playing the slots
    Polishing the wedding ring
    Preheating the oven
    Priming the pump
    Reading braille
    Reading the map of Tazmania
    Riding the unicycle
    Riding your own mule down Grand Canyon
    Romancing thy own
    Rubbin Hood
    Rubbin' the nubbin
    Scraping the cheese off the taco
    Searching for Ms. "G"
    Shucking the fresh water clam
    Slapping Susie
    Slapping the mackerel
    Sliding into home
    Soaking in Palmolive
    Spanking your puppy on the nose
    Spearing the bearded clam
    Spelunking in the mystery cave
    Stirring the soup
    Strumming the big open C
    Surfing the web
    Swimming in the Pu-Tang River
    Taking a dip in the lake
    Teasing the little man in the canoe
    Testing the waters
    The magical disappearing finger trick
    The ole feel n' squeal
    Tickling the kitty
    Tiptoe through the TwoLips
    Tossing the pink salad
    Twinkling the little star
    Two-finger taco tango
    Unclogging the drain
    Visiting Niagra Falls
    Visiting your safety deposit box
    Wading in the Bermuda Triangle
    Washing your fingers
    Whipping your cream
    Working out at the Y

    :D :D

    These are flashes favourites since he had his hampton removed and got himself a front bottom :D
  6. I can't believe you missed the all time favourite.......

    'Banging one out' :roll:
  7. burping the worm
  8. Doing ones washing by hand...

    Generally the way in my household since my moroccan dhobiwallah left, pity, but then again the little bugger had gout due to the amount of port and gin he quaffed when I was in the club.


    A picture of the lazy little blighter before he went awol.
  9. Bashing the Bishop
    Clean my Gun
    cleaning the pipes
  10. wanking
  11. Aah, simple yet oh so effective! Someone promote that man! Laughed so much I nearly died! :lol:
  12. Winding one off :oops:
  13. Punishing the primate :oops: