You'd think with 23 years w@nking experience under my belt I'd have it off to a fine art. Don't get me wrong, teasing a jet of hot c0ck snot from the end isn't a problem but my pre and post polish admin is absolutely dire. I was laid on the settee half an hour ago pondering life and a swelling appeared in my trollies...... on closer inspection I found my whidgy had grown and was crying out to be wrestled... Being weak willed and shallow, I threw caution to the wind, ignored that the lounge curtains were open, freed the trouser mauser and choked fcuk out of it As I got towards the end and sap began to rise, I looked round for something to shoot into....... nothing.... it ended up across the back of my hand, up my belly and went over the bottom of my t shirt. I lay there thinking 'You thick cnut you do that all the time, why not sort out a tissue before you start' Carefully I had to stand and manoeuvre into the kitchen with spuzz on my hands, my hampton hanging out and trying not to let my t shirt touch my skin........ all with my pants round my ankles. No kitchen roll, so had to take off my t shirt to clean up with.... the bottom of it, the bit with harry monk on touched my face as I took it off, that being the final straw. From now on, if I am tempted to rub my rod I'm going to force myself to grab some tissue or a wet wipe prior to beginning, to save me from getting caked in my own man batter. Is anyone elses self abuse admin shot to fcuk?