Thrap admin

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Apr 30, 2008.

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  1. You'd think with 23 years w@nking experience under my belt I'd have it off to a fine art.

    Don't get me wrong, teasing a jet of hot c0ck snot from the end isn't a problem but my pre and post polish admin is absolutely dire.

    I was laid on the settee half an hour ago pondering life and a swelling appeared in my trollies...... on closer inspection I found my whidgy had grown and was crying out to be wrestled... Being weak willed and shallow, I threw caution to the wind, ignored that the lounge curtains were open, freed the trouser mauser and choked fcuk out of it

    As I got towards the end and sap began to rise, I looked round for something to shoot into....... nothing.... it ended up across the back of my hand, up my belly and went over the bottom of my t shirt. I lay there thinking 'You thick cnut you do that all the time, why not sort out a tissue before you start'

    Carefully I had to stand and manoeuvre into the kitchen with spuzz on my hands, my hampton hanging out and trying not to let my t shirt touch my skin........ all with my pants round my ankles. No kitchen roll, so had to take off my t shirt to clean up with.... the bottom of it, the bit with harry monk on touched my face as I took it off, that being the final straw.

    From now on, if I am tempted to rub my rod I'm going to force myself to grab some tissue or a wet wipe prior to beginning, to save me from getting caked in my own man batter.

    Is anyone elses self abuse admin shot to fcuk?
  2. I often pre-position used boxers/socks or commonly known as spunk rags, failing that I have half used bog rolls also strategically placed around my flat when Im on leave and the missus is at work. I manage about 5 a day when on leave, thats what having 220GB of filth on your covert external hard drive does to you. So in answer to your question MDN a little prior admin does help, just remember to get rid of spunk rags, bog roll used or not before she comes home otherwise questions are asked, trust me
  3. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Never, so long as I can whip a sock off my foot.
  4. Oh and the reason I use bog rolls that have already been started is that they are a pain in the arse to rip the initial first sheet off whilst mid thrap and can be a distraction
  5. I always carry a small silver Victorian pill case when away from home.

    Makes a handy place to keep a few Smarties for the kids, too.
  6. MDN you said the lounge had curtains so why struggle all the way to the kitchen...i'm confused!
  7. Cannot relate on this one, as i have catch rags always at hand.

    just sounds like PPPPPP is out of date
  8. MDN

    You need a w@nk bucket mate... when it's full you can spread all over the garden... good fertilizer and keeps the neighbours cats out....errmmm - so I'm told.
  9. I know one of the grotty fcukers in my troop just leans over from his bed and spaffs onto a shag pile rug he has in his basha which never gets cleaned, needless to say its a little bit flakey now
  10. Or do as they do in Austria and fire the muck into your daughter!
  11. I must admit to being a fan of the good old dressing gown. I'll start with a nice fluffly one that feels good when rubbed around the old bell end, but a few weeks into ownership and the mrs is chipping away at it and folding her up to put in the washing machine.

    I was sat watching a bit of porn on the old 'puter the other night in just my shreddies while trying to convince one of the few good looking Arrse maidens to put some saucy pics up on her MSN (she didn't by the way, the fucking tease). I thought I could get away with shooting into my boxers in the same way that I do into my dressing gown.

    The result - Warm spunk dribbling down the back of my leg, all over my ballbag and into the chair cushion.

    What's worse? Being spunked on (allbeit by myself) made me feel like a right dirty whore which got me randy again.

    The mrs keeps asking why there's kitchen roll next to the computer.
  12. :puker:
    Does it not pong a bit as well? I find socks very convenient.
  13. You've either got to lick it off or look upon every dose of hot fish yoghurt as an opportunity........ Mother - in Law's cutlery drawer, wife's shampoo bottle, ice cream tub in the freezer.

    Think of the latent satisfaction achieved.
  14. Ex-fcuking- cuse me?