Thoughts please

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Aug 27, 2007.

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  1. Next weekend Natalie Imbruglia is switching on the Blackpool illuminations.

    Ive liked her since she was Beth in neighbours and have showered her with affection and threats of violence for ignoring me and not giving into my requests and demands.

    I'm in two or three minds what to do:

    1. Do I snub her and not attend?

    2. Do I give it one last chance and attempt to woo and seduce her with a spandex trousered love dance to 'Torn'

    3. Do I charge the stage and stab her with a candy floss stick and dismember her tits as punishment.

    I know which hotel she is staying at, so over the past month I've stayed in every room and left a tablet bottle full of my baby batter in it should she find it and want to neck it down in a oner.

    I think Natalie_doh_nut has a ring to it, if I blag her into marraige I shan't be posting on here for a while....... or until Beyonce comes to town.
  2. Dip your co*k in vegemite and charge the stage she will be yours for sure mate!

  3. Why not ambush her on the M6 and deflower her ricker over the bonnet of your car. That way everybody's happy really...
  4. I want the do gooders and campaigners of the site to lobby and pester her. Tell her she is in grave danger if I don't get to drag my balls all over her head.

    Lovingly and affectionatley of course
  5. Just intrude her womb with a black and decker.

    That'll teach her.
  6. Try a petition. Seems to be the fall back for everything
  7. Umm...Quite sure there's a criminal charge lurking in there somewhere, not to mention the Conduct Unbecomings......Bet for me just to shy away....
  8. Got to get near it first.

    I've made myself a Teflon love leotard so I can glide through security, and I've been in the garage and manufactured an ingenious device which cuts the cnut out of her jeans without slashing her flappage and undercarriage.

    If this doesn't work, I've got her family in the basement and I'm going to fill it with water if she doesn't put out.
  9. 8)
    Nooooo, try and woo her with guniness marmite.............straight up the council gritter, over the bonnet of your car and get her to switch the lights on as you splash her chops with ya man fat :wink:
  10. a little electrical rewiring, prehaps ? at the flick of the switch M_D_N's 3phase 415volt anal intruder strap on springs to life, complete with light show of course, if the fuses blow then its just a case of a little stick of blackpool rock..........

    yeah I know..... Taxi !

  11. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Romance her with a fish supper & a glass of Tizer liberilly laced with 'Roofi'
    Then when the Micky Finn's taken hold,bash he clacker in with ya strap on horse c*ck,lubricated with the snot & dribble of a bus load on mongs.Then toss her aside like a used jam rag! (Or parcel her up & post her to the Shot!)
  12. She's Australian, and therefore a criminal.

    All you have to do is tempt her with something she can steal. A silver teaspoon or mobile phone perhaps? She'll be yours before you can say "transported for sheep stealing".

    This plan also works if you decide you want to bed Kylie minogue, or her sister Danni. Kylie is the more alluring of course, now being a mononork.
  13. MDN I have given this a lot of thought, I've weighed up the pros and cons of each of your options and although you present us with three very plausable and altogether acceptable courses of action I feel there is a bigger issue here.

    You have just admitted that you watch neighbours! My god man, what were you thinking?

    I believe the mess webley is load and ready to go. In your own time, go on......
  14. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    If that girls not careful she could lose you................