This is what your taxes are paying for.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by retired_taz, Oct 18, 2011.

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  1. The following questions were set in last year's UK GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

    Q. Name the four seasons.
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q.. What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids?
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

    Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination?
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

    Q. What is a terminal illness?
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

    Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

    Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning>
    A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

    Q. What is a turbine?
    A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
  2. Bullshit.
  3. I saw these questions and answers 4 years ago on an email joke that was sent to me. Back then it was supposedly GCSE answers.
  4. hey guys..I didnt say they were real..just funny..
  5. Funny how they were also setting the same questions and getting the very same answers in the US when a friend sent it to me...
  6. Q. Use the word 'contagious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning>
    A. My neighbours is painting his shed with a 2" paint brush and me Da says it will take the contagious.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. oldbaldy

    oldbaldy LE Moderator Good Egg (charities)
    1. Battlefield Tours

    The UK don't do GED exams, it's a Septic thing, so I hope my taxes aren't paying for their education.
  8. Pedantic Barsteward.
  9. so a septic mate sent it, I just couldnt be arrsed changing it..
  10. typical fcuking military-- you try and bring a smile to their faces..raise moral in these times of economic difficulty..and all one gets is shed loads of abuse...speaking of sheds................
  11. Given that our Gobment are very keen on giving away "our" money,I wouldn't be too surprised if we were.
  12. oldbaldy

    oldbaldy LE Moderator Good Egg (charities)
    1. Battlefield Tours

    Ah sheds, now your talking. Better make sure they don't stick an extra tax on those though.
  13. Hey kids before cutting and pasting STOP. THINK.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    You'l be able to sit in front of your T.V. next week (30 Oct)and enjoy watching some overseas Aid being wisely spent.
    The Indian Grand Prix - were all the little starving Indians are herded into one place fed hotdogs and burgers and forced to watch some races.
    Enjoy the cheer from the starving Indians as large screen T.V.'s bring a life feed from an Indian orbiting the Earth.
    • Like Like x 1