Thirty things porno producers would have us believe...

#2
and don't forget...the easiest way to get a shag is to grow a really dodgy tache and a mahoosive belly,and to keep your socks on!
 
#3
Must be true its in all the errr documentaries i've seen ;-)
 
#4
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
I thought that was par for the course, either that or both hands on hips.

Where else do you put your arms, you look like a gibbon if you let them hang by your sides!
 
#6
every bird will take it willingly/easily up the "gary glitter"
 
#7
Could there be a market for 'reality porn'? Picture the script:-

Pi$$ed squaddie/matelot, fully fitted with beer goggles, arrives at the boudoir of the last walrus left in the nightclub at closing time.

After 15 minutes he finally gets his trousers off before finding the walrus quite comfy to lie on. He promptly falls asleep on the job while the pinioned walrus complains that she can't breathe.

At 0400, still pi$$ed, he awakens next to the now snoring walrus to find the bed swamped. Muttering 'dirty bitch', he makes his way to the bathroom - where he crimps off a length in the laundry basket.

The cat appears and soon finds itself a victim of projectile vomiting. Duly refreshed, our stud returns to the bedroom to find the still sleeping walrus. Foolishly, she is sleeping on her front .....
 
#8
Praetorian said:
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
I thought that was par for the course, either that or both hands on hips.

Where else do you put your arms, you look like a gibbon if you let them hang by your sides!
Choking her? More stylish than hands on hips.
 
#9
Thats true, but its far better to choke when its mid-shag, makes it clench :p
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#11
bigbird67 said:
and don't forget...the easiest way to get a shag is to grow a really dodgy tache and a mahoosive belly,and to keep your socks on!
How come you havn't had a shag recently then.
 
#12
dingerr said:
Must be true its in all the errr documentaries i've seen ;-)
I don't think plumbers ever arrive by van as they never seem to have anywhere to put their keys.
 
#13
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
Well, they are only women. They need a little help from time to time. This isn't like washing the dishes you know.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
See above.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
Never had any complaints yet. :D
 
#14
Isn't there usually an organist hiding somewhere?

He/she never features in the action but you usually get a suitable cheesey tune.
 
#16
As long as he/she/it can play a Hammond.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#18
bigbird67 said:
and don't forget...the easiest way to get a shag is to grow a really dodgy tache and a mahoosive belly,and to keep your socks on!
Excellent! I fit all those criteria. Just say where and when.
 
#19
Ancient_Mariner said:
Could there be a market for 'reality porn'? Picture the script:-

Pi$$ed squaddie/matelot, fully fitted with beer goggles, arrives at the boudoir of the last walrus left in the nightclub at closing time.

After 15 minutes he finally gets his trousers off before finding the walrus quite comfy to lie on. He promptly falls asleep on the job while the pinioned walrus complains that she can't breathe.

At 0400, still pi$$ed, he awakens next to the now snoring walrus to find the bed swamped. Muttering 'dirty bitch', he makes his way to the bathroom - where he crimps off a length in the laundry basket.

The cat appears and soon finds itself a victim of projectile vomiting. Duly refreshed, our stud returns to the bedroom to find the still sleeping walrus. Foolishly, she is sleeping on her front .....
Brill! :thumright:
 
#20
B_AND_T said:
bigbird67 said:
and don't forget...the easiest way to get a shag is to grow a really dodgy tache and a mahoosive belly,and to keep your socks on!
How come you havn't had a shag recently then.
BECAUSE the stench is too much for even the hardiest of men,respirators melt at 20 paces
 

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