Thirty things porno producers would have us believe...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bombers_Moon, Mar 18, 2007.

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  1. and don't forget...the easiest way to get a shag is to grow a really dodgy tache and a mahoosive belly,and to keep your socks on!
     
  2. Must be true its in all the errr documentaries i've seen ;-)
     
  3. I thought that was par for the course, either that or both hands on hips.

    Where else do you put your arms, you look like a gibbon if you let them hang by your sides!
     
  4. every bird will take it willingly/easily up the "gary glitter"
     
  5. Could there be a market for 'reality porn'? Picture the script:-

    Pi$$ed squaddie/matelot, fully fitted with beer goggles, arrives at the boudoir of the last walrus left in the nightclub at closing time.

    After 15 minutes he finally gets his trousers off before finding the walrus quite comfy to lie on. He promptly falls asleep on the job while the pinioned walrus complains that she can't breathe.

    At 0400, still pi$$ed, he awakens next to the now snoring walrus to find the bed swamped. Muttering 'dirty bitch', he makes his way to the bathroom - where he crimps off a length in the laundry basket.

    The cat appears and soon finds itself a victim of projectile vomiting. Duly refreshed, our stud returns to the bedroom to find the still sleeping walrus. Foolishly, she is sleeping on her front .....
     
  6. Choking her? More stylish than hands on hips.
     
  7. Thats true, but its far better to choke when its mid-shag, makes it clench :p
     

  8. and look like flash????????
     
  9. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    How come you havn't had a shag recently then.
     
  10. I don't think plumbers ever arrive by van as they never seem to have anywhere to put their keys.
     
  11. Well, they are only women. They need a little help from time to time. This isn't like washing the dishes you know.

    See above.

    Never had any complaints yet. :D
     
  12. Isn't there usually an organist hiding somewhere?

    He/she never features in the action but you usually get a suitable cheesey tune.
     
  13. That'd be onanist surely?