Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by LazyCaretaker, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. When a man and a woman get married they need a Marriage License.

    When Lesbians get married, they need a Licker License.

    Have you heard about the new deordorant called Umpire?

    It's for foul balls.

    Vice is nice, but incest is best.
    Do adults have as much fun in adultery as infants have in infancy ?

    The word for the day is legs;

    spread the word.

    Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?

    -She takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

    For a good screw, call Ace Hardware.

    Oral sex sucks.

    Anal sex is a pain in the ass.

    Mammary glands - Mother Nature's dairy delight.

    The difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit is that an American rabbit goes hippity hop while the French rabbit goes lickety split.

    Visit scenic IDAHO
    where men are men, cows are nervous, and sheep run scared.

    Why are cowgirls bowlegged?

    - A Cowboy likes to eat with his hat on.

    What's the hardest thing about having AIDS?

    - Leaving your friend's behind.

    Did you hear about the pretty young woman in San Francisco who was attacked by three men?

    Two held her down while one did her hair.

    What do they call kids in a whorehouse?

    - Brothel Sprouts.

    What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?

    - A dildo.

    Did you know that the largest manufacturer of vibrators is Genital Electric?

    Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the playhouse?

    - Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and said, "Lie mutherfucker, lie!"

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet masturbation.

    Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man socially and sexually deprived.

    "I would call you a sadistic sodomistic necrophile,
    but that would be beating a dead horse."

    -What's up Tiger Lilly

    A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

    Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

    The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

    The newly pregnant woman responded "confidentially, me too."