Things you overhear in pubs and clubs...

#1
Thee you are, minding your own beeswax in a pub or club. There's a steady steam of background noise...rhubarb, rhubarb...and then as if through a window in the ether a complete phrase falls through into consciousness before the rhubarbing extras take over again.

Yesterday evening in a public house in Bristol I was chatting away to a chum and the background noise suddenly paused and the following fragment squeezed through..."and then I darted and tranquilized the cheetah".

WTF?? Over the years i have heard some purlers;my personal favourite still being "there's a lot of buggery - and not nice buggery either..." - but that is up there with the best of them.

The expression came from a small tubby bloke with hair that looked like it had been spray-painted on and several pies too many concealed in his waistband.
 
#3
Not really Ilech but it is a cheery image for a rainy day so go on, you can have a pass...
 

jim24

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
I was in a pub in Clifton when this well dressed bloke came in and he f@cking stank," sorry a Tiger just pissed on me " he said,
 
#8
have you heard anything along these lines?

' Look at that daft old git in the corner, trying to eavesdrop on everyone's conversations - hasn't he got any mates - and oh God his colostomy bag is leaking...'
 

wedge_cadman

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#10
last week in the pub, as the music level dropped significantly, a woman at the bar shouted to her boyfriend, "you know me and naughty hole action". at which point half the pub turned around to watch her go deep crimson. Could not have been timed better.
 
#11
Overheard in The Mermaid in Burford (posh)

Old git: "We had a lovely time in the Caribbean - went to Antigua.

Other old git: Marvellous place. Went there last year. The thing is that their blacks seem far more happy than ours.
 
#12
Bet it was in Clifton?
Whiteladies Road - town end. Not a typical zookeepers' hangout I would guess, unless they also cruise for student totty, before you and Tropper nod wisely and go "ah-ha!"
 
#13
I was in a pub in Clifton when this well dressed bloke came in and he f@cking stank," sorry a Tiger just pissed on me " he said,
If it was Clinton in Nottingham I hope you wiped your feet on the way out and threw away your syringe responsibly!
 
#14
I've heard: '....of course he's never been the same since he was attacked by that badger', and the classic, just exactly as the noise suddenly died down at a party from a mate's wife :'I always swallow it'.
 
#15
The most annoying thing you hear on a regular basis is the bloke who goes up to the bar, with all the beer pumps lined up for pumping action in front of him, labels proudly displayed and he asks:

"So what beers do you have?"
 
#17
Thee you are, minding your own beeswax in a pub or club. There's a steady steam of background noise...rhubarb, rhubarb...and then as if through a window in the ether a complete phrase falls through into consciousness before the rhubarbing extras take over again.

Yesterday evening in a public house in Bristol I was chatting away to a chum and the background noise suddenly paused and the following fragment squeezed through..."and then I darted and tranquilized the cheetah".

WTF?? Over the years i have heard some purlers;my personal favourite still being "there's a lot of buggery - and not nice buggery either..." - but that is up there with the best of them.

The expression came from a small tubby bloke with hair that looked like it had been spray-painted on and several pies too many concealed in his waistband.
Odd you should mention that.

I was in a pub near the top of Black Boy Hill a year or two back and overheard a bloke complaining about the "...bastard monkeys were sh*tting all over me!"

Guess working with all those animals must drive the zoo lot to the drink

.....Whiteladies though, great for perving on all those tidy Bristol Uni girls and some of the sexy professionals (women of course!) on lunch or after work on a Friday
 
#18
I was having a cuppa in a transport Cafe close to the M6 in Cheshire and several Irish truckers were chatting by the one arm bandit.

One said, "I was ******* lucky today, the sea is so bad that the ferry I came over on to Stranraer was the last today, all the rest have been taken off because the forecast says it's getting worse, so none of the other lads will be getting over."

Another of the Paddy's said, "Well, I'm in luck then, the weather won't affect me, I'm on me way back over" WTF??

The beauty of it was that none of the others even remarked on it. They must have wondered why I sat there on my own, laughing.
 
#20
I hear the following nearly everytime I walk in a drinking establishment

"He's got the looks of Brad Pitt"
"Look at that stud muffin of a man"
"I'd like to wake up next to him"
"I bet he could last all night and I want to find out"










I really must stop drinking in gay bars.
 

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