Things you overhear in pubs and clubs...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Cuddles, Oct 1, 2010.

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  1. Thee you are, minding your own beeswax in a pub or club. There's a steady steam of background noise...rhubarb, rhubarb...and then as if through a window in the ether a complete phrase falls through into consciousness before the rhubarbing extras take over again.

    Yesterday evening in a public house in Bristol I was chatting away to a chum and the background noise suddenly paused and the following fragment squeezed through..."and then I darted and tranquilized the cheetah".

    WTF?? Over the years i have heard some purlers;my personal favourite still being "there's a lot of buggery - and not nice buggery either..." - but that is up there with the best of them.

    The expression came from a small tubby bloke with hair that looked like it had been spray-painted on and several pies too many concealed in his waistband.
     
  2. Saw a girl getting wanked off in a nightclub once, she was making a noise, does that count?
     
  3. Not really Ilech but it is a cheery image for a rainy day so go on, you can have a pass...
     
  4. I once heard a man ask for a drink at the bar. Bizarre or what?
     
  5. Bet it was in Clifton?
     
  6. " Of course what the didn't know was that the vicar had a bicycle"
     
  7. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    I was in a pub in Clifton when this well dressed bloke came in and he f@cking stank," sorry a Tiger just pissed on me " he said,
     
  8. have you heard anything along these lines?

    ' Look at that daft old git in the corner, trying to eavesdrop on everyone's conversations - hasn't he got any mates - and oh God his colostomy bag is leaking...'
     
  9. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    You do all know whats in Clifton?,don't you
     
  10. wedge_cadman

    wedge_cadman War Hero Reviewer Book Reviewer

    last week in the pub, as the music level dropped significantly, a woman at the bar shouted to her boyfriend, "you know me and naughty hole action". at which point half the pub turned around to watch her go deep crimson. Could not have been timed better.
     
  11. Overheard in The Mermaid in Burford (posh)

    Old git: "We had a lovely time in the Caribbean - went to Antigua.

    Other old git: Marvellous place. Went there last year. The thing is that their blacks seem far more happy than ours.
     
  12. Whiteladies Road - town end. Not a typical zookeepers' hangout I would guess, unless they also cruise for student totty, before you and Tropper nod wisely and go "ah-ha!"
     
  13. If it was Clinton in Nottingham I hope you wiped your feet on the way out and threw away your syringe responsibly!
     
  14. I've heard: '....of course he's never been the same since he was attacked by that badger', and the classic, just exactly as the noise suddenly died down at a party from a mate's wife :'I always swallow it'.
     
  15. The most annoying thing you hear on a regular basis is the bloke who goes up to the bar, with all the beer pumps lined up for pumping action in front of him, labels proudly displayed and he asks:

    "So what beers do you have?"