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Things you only do once

Listen to your sister describe her episiotomy.

Then your mother pipes up about the three she had. Followed by "and then your husband demands sex a couple of weeks later, I could hardly sit down".

Fcuking scarred me for life that (and my mother + sister probably). Although why my mother thinks she deserves to sit down when she should have been ironing/washing/cleaning I don't know...
 
whit_RE said:
Brings a whole (boom, boom, tsssch) new meaning to the term split arrse:

no thats when they won't DO the episiotomy and let you "tear naturally"bless em..like thats meant to make it better cos its'natural' :cyclopsani:
 
s'funny how you trained to 'kill with a toothpick' types go all squeamish about gynaecology things :applaud:
 

chemystery

Old-Salt
bigbird67 said:
s'funny how you trained to 'kill with a toothpick' types go all squeamish about gynaecology things :applaud:

Not me.....have a butchers at this (looks like someone already did)!! Pic will probably get pulled soon enough!
 

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chemystery

Old-Salt
Things only done once......

Run away from Armed Police in a London Subway.... :shock:
 
that looks familiar!!!! There isn't a fecking HUGE baby in the next frame is there? Wondered where i'd left it!!!
 

chemystery

Old-Salt
Like this you mean.....
 

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THATS him...ugly little fecker! Now where'd i put that bin bag
 
Try and be all "Tommy Walsh" with a new gas powered nail gun.............

Mate went back to hammers verrrrrrry quickly after that!
 
bigbird67 said:
whit_RE said:
Brings a whole (boom, boom, tsssch) new meaning to the term split arrse:

no thats when they won't DO the episiotomy and let you "tear naturally"bless em..like thats meant to make it better cos its'natural' :cyclopsani:

And you had that three times? could they not have put in a zip or something on the 1st occasion to save agro later?
 

The_Phantom

Old-Salt
That cartoon chick in the episiotomy picture is obviously not from Aldershot. Have you seen how small her anus is? If she hangs out at Cheeks it would be like a wizards sleeve by now.
 

booty_cadet

Old-Salt
LordVonHarley said:
My toaster jammed and I unplugged the microwave thinking it was the plug for the toaster, then I incerted a knife to unjam it and jumped 3 feet into the air. Only do that once.

Done it three times....
 
booty_cadet said:
LordVonHarley said:
My toaster jammed and I unplugged the microwave thinking it was the plug for the toaster, then I incerted a knife to unjam it and jumped 3 feet into the air. Only do that once.

Done it three times....

DOH! :shock: Muppet!!!
 
booty_cadet said:
LordVonHarley said:
My toaster jammed and I unplugged the microwave thinking it was the plug for the toaster, then I incerted a knife to unjam it and jumped 3 feet into the air. Only do that once.

Done it three times....

Silly cunt then arn't you.

Mine is allow your mate to spray some of his aftershave on you. Cunt hit me in the eye. CS hasn't got shit on a hit of Jean Paul Gaultier.
 
bigbird67 said:
fas_et_gloria said:
Ord_Sgt said:
Wedgy said:
Older_by_the_day said:
episiotomy.... just looked it up.... Eeek! Sounds like a winner! :omg:

Wow and I didn't even know that happened and really on reflection didn't really need to either .....

See bigbird you've scarred us for life... :sweatdrop:

But, luckily, not as badly as your perineum...
you're telling me...i've got 3 kids and every one of the little fuckers did it to me....b*stards

Your old man has got you well sussed. You never knew it was him all the time what told the nurse to put in an extra stitch, did you.

Hence two more sprogs?


I guess it must be like having your ball-bag 'clipped' before you go in for a fight, stings like fcuk but it's amazing where the strength comes from after that.
 
Me and my little brother first learned about electricity when he put the two wires of a 6 volt electric motor into a plug socket, this was in the days before they had them protective red bits that slam shut.

<blinding flash>

fack my old boots * dazzled

Mum: 'What you's two been up to then?'

Us: 'Nuffink Mum' -gazing round the room trying to make out where the voice is coming from cos we can't see a fcuking thing heh heh


He really should have known better, having taken the bedside light bulb out the night before and shoved his finger in the socket, soft cnut but I laughed like fcuk.
 
datumhead said:
booty_cadet said:
LordVonHarley said:
My toaster jammed and I unplugged the microwave thinking it was the plug for the toaster, then I incerted a knife to unjam it and jumped 3 feet into the air. Only do that once.

Done it three times....

DOH! :shock: Muppet!!!

And you did not learn from the first or second time!
 
jagman said:
bigbird67 said:
whit_RE said:
Brings a whole (boom, boom, tsssch) new meaning to the term split arrse:

no thats when they won't DO the episiotomy and let you "tear naturally"bless em..like thats meant to make it better cos its'natural' :cyclopsani:

And you had that three times? could they not have put in a zip or something on the 1st occasion to save agro later?

Nah but jolly nice surgeon put a drawstring in it afterwards cos it was like chucking a banana up Oxford Street :brilsmurf:
 

lastresort

Old-Salt
Actually try to answer any of those "questions" the CSM "asks" you on Staff Parade... :confused:
 

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