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Things you only do once

Ord_Sgt said:
You see I didn't know what that was (episiotomy) and made the mistake of looking it up. You really didn't need to tell us that now did you. :shakefist:

I just looked it up too. Fukcin' owww. :omg:
 

Wedgy

War Hero
Older_by_the_day said:
episiotomy.... just looked it up.... Eeek! Sounds like a winner! :omg:

Wow and I didn't even know that happened and really on reflection didn't really need to either .....
 

Ord_Sgt

RIP
RIP
Wedgy said:
Older_by_the_day said:
episiotomy.... just looked it up.... Eeek! Sounds like a winner! :omg:

Wow and I didn't even know that happened and really on reflection didn't really need to either .....

See bigbird you've scarred us for life... :sweatdrop:
 

happy_as_a_hat

War Hero
An episiotomy is a surgical incision through the perineum made to enlarge the vagina and assist childbirth. The incision can be midline or at an angle from the posterior end of the vulva, is performed under local anaesthetic and is sutured closed after delivery. It is one of the most common medical procedures performed on women, and although its routine use in childbirth has steadily declined in recent decades, it is still widely practised in Latin America.

From Wikipedia and so everone doesn't have to look it up!

Ouch!

I don't possess the technology to copy and paste the pic but it does illustrate the process very well!

Edited to add some very good advice to others considering it...

Avoidance
Perineal massage with Vitamin E oil or pure vegetable oil beginning around the 34th week is an unproven way to make the perineum more flexible and reduce the need for episiotomy.

Controlled delivery of the head that allows slow gradual stretching of the perineal tissue can help in minimising damage to the perineum. In some cases an episiotomy may be required if the perineum can't stretch sufficiently and is required to help minimise damage to the anal sphincter. If the tissue is stretching, some studies suggest that small natural tears heal quicker and are less painful, so a tear is preferrable to an episiotomy.

But I'm just waffling now! :yawnstretch:

Ouch again!
 
fas_et_gloria said:
Ord_Sgt said:
Wedgy said:
Older_by_the_day said:
episiotomy.... just looked it up.... Eeek! Sounds like a winner! :omg:

Wow and I didn't even know that happened and really on reflection didn't really need to either .....

See bigbird you've scarred us for life... :sweatdrop:

But, luckily, not as badly as your perineum...
you're telling me...i've got 3 kids and every one of the little fuckers did it to me....b*stards
 

nurse_ratched

Old-Salt
Big Bird

Are you the same Big Bird wot was the pin up for Military CPNs? If so, can I see your epiosiotomy scars, and if not, can I see your episiotomy scars?
 
My toaster jammed and I unplugged the microwave thinking it was the plug for the toaster, then I incerted a knife to unjam it and jumped 3 feet into the air. Only do that once.
 
Trying to make excuses later on in the day as why I was late for parade, when the CSM saw what time I got up!
 
nurse_ratched said:
Big Bird

Are you the same Big Bird wot was the pin up for Military CPNs? If so, can I see your epiosiotomy scars, and if not, can I see your episiotomy scars?


errrrr! That would be a big fat no to both!!I don't want to be slated for causing grown men to wake up screaming when they're meant to be keeping quiet,hiding in holes with crap on their faces and stuff!Its frowned on by the military dontcha know :thumright:
 
Going to her house because she said, "my husband won't be home until five o'clock."

Husband walks into the room. I don't hear the creak of the door because she is in the throes of an orgasm and is yelping in pleasure.

Husband grabs a whiskey bottle and swings it violently at me. I see it in time and move my head to the left. Next thing I hear is the sickening crunch of broken teeth as said bottle connects with her mouth.

I have the wherewithal to grab my pants as I do a beeline for the door. She reports sick for the next few days. When she finally comes back, she says she was waylaid by ten thugs who wanted to steal her purse but she managed to fight them off. I say nothing.

Until now.
 
sorry to disappoint but being in the trade i could probably find you some nice piccies though :) i love the sound of crepitus in the morning
 
Devil_Dog said:
Going to her house because she said, "my husband won't be home until five o'clock."

Husband walks into the room. I don't hear the creak of the door because she is in the throes of an orgasm and is yelping in pleasure.

Husband grabs a whiskey bottle and swings it violently at me. I see it in time and move my head to the left. Next thing I hear is the sickening crunch of broken teeth as said bottle connects with her mouth.

I have the wherewithal to grab my pants as I do a beeline for the door. She reports sick for the next few days. When she finally comes back, she says she was waylaid by ten thugs who wanted to steal her purse but she managed to fight them off.I say nothing.


Until now.

and that a one off why??? i got the impression thats the average saturday night out for you lot!!!!
 
Devil_Dog said:
Going to her house because she said, "my husband won't be home until five o'clock."

Husband walks into the room. I don't hear the creak of the door because she is in the throes of an orgasm and is yelping in pleasure.

Husband grabs a whiskey bottle and swings it violently at me. I see it in time and move my head to the left. Next thing I hear is the sickening crunch of broken teeth as said bottle connects with her mouth.

I have the wherewithal to grab my pants as I do a beeline for the door. She reports sick for the next few days. When she finally comes back, she says she was waylaid by ten thugs who wanted to steal her purse but she managed to fight them off. I say nothing.



Until now.

DD I notice you conveniently forgot to mention it was your sister! :wink:
 
My aunt, actually.
 
When an electric stapler jams never pick it up and look to see what the problem may be unless you've unplugged it first..

anyone seen the guy from Hellraiser flicks?

ouch and whimper...
 

Blogg

LE
Being very tired and having lost the plot, attempting to exit the M2 via one of those lovely short slip roads with a 90 degree turn at the end an ikkle bit too fast.

Broken arm, cracked ribs and in general looked like having spent 1/2 an hour in a cement mixer but the paperwork was the worst bit.
 

whit_RE

War Hero
Brings a whole (boom, boom, tsssch) new meaning to the term split arrse:

 

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