Things you have to force yourself not to do

Yeah. But half the passengers will still be on the airport concourse
They've never left me behind, maybe because I treat the queue to get on like getting off. Like a well organised soldier always be there early.
 
I frequently have to restrain an urge to say, 'Oh, for ***k's sake' when the person in front of me at a coffee shop submits a order that will take the staff ten minutes to make up. There should be two counters at such shops. A 'normal orders' counter and a 'Coffee *******' counter, preferably somewhere out of earshot so I can avoid the pretentious, chemistry - like instructions some of these ******* come up with.
That, and when there's more than one of them together usually women talking away till they get to the 'how can i help you today' request for what they want and they go 'oooo I haven't decided' spend what seems an insufferable amount of time thinking and talking amongst themselves then order the most complicated calory stuffed chocolatta with whipped cream and marshmallows and chocolate dusting on it which takes ages to make and then they wonder why they're fat, the fat f**kin hags.

Added to which THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOT THEIR EFFIN PURSES OUT OF THEIR OVER EFFIN STUFFED HANDBAGS WHEN THEY EFFIN KNEW THAT AT SOME FRIGGIN POINT IN THIS FRIGGIN TRANSACTION THEY WOULD HAVE TO FRIGGIN PAY. FOR F SAKE.
 
Added to which THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOT THEIR EFFIN PURSES OUT OF THEIR OVER EFFIN STUFFED HANDBAGS WHEN THEY EFFIN KNEW THAT AT SOME FRIGGIN POINT IN THIS FRIGGIN TRANSACTION THEY WOULD HAVE TO FRIGGIN PAY. FOR F SAKE.
You forgot to add the orange mongs with wedge eyebrows sporting 30 furry dangly toys etc from Zante & Puerto.wherevah attached their Poxhall Captiva key-rings. I really would like to ask them exactly what is wrong with them, and are they on meds as opposed to going again to the Med...to come back with yet another stupid mobile fridge magnet.
 
People wearing hats inside, like right now in my hotel at breakfast.
Last year I was quietly eating alone in a smart'ish restaurant and a party of six comes in. One of the blokes is wearing a baseball cap. Backwards. The waiter asks "Can I take your coats, and your hat sir" to which the bloke declines.

Manager comes over and asks the bloke if he'll just step outside for a moment. They go outside and the manager appears to have a few words, but then just leaves him there and comes back in.

Bloke in cap makes to come back in but is met at the door by the head waiter and the manager and I can just make out the manager saying "yes sir, your friends will be right out as soon as they've finished their meal..........my restaurant, my rules............yes you can post that on tripadvisor but if it's libellous we may sue........etc"

Eventually one of his friends called over telling his mate not to be such a twat. He came back in sans hat.
 
As a young Sergeant recently said to me “can you not see your self respect slipping through the holes in your Crocs?”

Only if you're that weak you pay attention to the foibles and opinions of the desperately fashionable.
 
That, and when there's more than one of them together usually women talking away till they get to the 'how can i help you today' request for what they want and they go 'oooo I haven't decided' spend what seems an insufferable amount of time thinking and talking amongst themselves then order the most complicated calory stuffed chocolatta with whipped cream and marshmallows and chocolate dusting on it which takes ages to make and then they wonder why they're fat, the fat f**kin hags.

Added to which THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOT THEIR EFFIN PURSES OUT OF THEIR OVER EFFIN STUFFED HANDBAGS WHEN THEY EFFIN KNEW THAT AT SOME FRIGGIN POINT IN THIS FRIGGIN TRANSACTION THEY WOULD HAVE TO FRIGGIN PAY. FOR F SAKE.
And they then try and give the cashier the exact money.
'There's a 1p here somewhere...'
 
Only if you're that weak you pay attention to the foibles and opinions of the desperately fashionable.
I had no idea what crocs are, so a few seconds of google fu later I now do.
Do people seriously wear those in the street?

Here (Catalonia) they use them like slippers around the house or for washing the car, stuff like that. Maybe popping to the local shop to get something you've forgotten. I don't have them and couldn't imagine wearing them to go out, or at least up to now.
 
Convenient. I prefer bare feet TBH, but apparently some folks come over all faint when one strolls through a mall kaalpoot with the dags. If the crocs give them something else over which to squeal while being powerless to do anything about it, so much the better.
 
And they then try and give the cashier the exact money.
'There's a 1p here somewhere...'
Toooo right. I usually try and work out the exact amount before I get to the till and hand then it over, any delay then being the cashiers fault for not trusting the amount I've given them as they count it out. But they're ususally pretty quick with it...................although I sometimes make mistakes in what I've given them.....................but not often.

Still quicker than ladies who wait till they hear the total amount to pay, then start fishing their frikkin purses out.
 
Added to which THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOT THEIR EFFIN PURSES OUT OF THEIR OVER EFFIN STUFFED HANDBAGS WHEN THEY EFFIN KNEW THAT AT SOME FRIGGIN POINT IN THIS FRIGGIN TRANSACTION THEY WOULD HAVE TO FRIGGIN PAY. FOR F SAKE.
But this is the default for all women. It's almost as if they are completely unaware that they're going to have to pay until the cashier surprises them by asking for the folding stuff (or epayment or to individually count out each penny until the old dears get to £19.98 for their £19.99 bill and say "oh I'll have to give you a £20 note", aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!)
 
But this is the default for all women. It's almost as if they are completely unaware that they're going to have to pay until the cashier surprises them by asking for the folding stuff (or epayment or to individually count out each penny until the old dears get to £19.98 for their £19.99 bill and say "oh I'll have to give you a £20 note", aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!)
It just gets worse.



Bless 'em.
 
No it's those of us with only hand luggage; and what stone age airline do you fly with that take 15 minutes to get the doors open. Ryanair will have the plane empty, refilled and taxiing in that time.
Odd then that the "early risers" whose crotches I became so up close & personal with are all stood around a still empty baggage carousel when I turn up.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Why?
Just curious as I sit here with my hat on,
One might ask (and does) why it is necessary to wear a hat when in a building under cover.
 
One might ask (and does) why it is necessary to wear a hat when in a building under cover.
because it indicates that one does not wish to be addressed whilst one is consuming comestibles.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
because it indicates that one does not wish to be addressed whilst one is consuming comestibles.
That might apply for crabs but not for normal people, apart from Guards officers, who are not really normal people anyway.

Oh, and builders' labourers.
 
because it indicates that one does not wish to be addressed whilst one is consuming comestibles.
I imagine then one will be disappointed as oiks ask the question "Oi, why are you wearing a hat indoors?" Or one gets asked to leave the restaurant for wearing one's baseball hat reversed and declining to remove it when invited by the management.
 
Whilst we are still fired up,

When I take my dog for a stroll, we always pass a poxy Coffee Shop, no name no publicity
I have never seen a bigger bunch of tossers in one place
x1 cup of coffee £4.95, x1 tray bake from £4 x1 scone £5 x 1 sarnie from £6. At those prices, I thought the place would last a week. No siree, still open after 2 years.
The carpark is full of posh motors, they even line up outside waiting for a seat.
They do the writing your name on the cup thingy tossers. How I would love to level the place.
 

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