Things you have said without thinking!!!

#1
On dover -calais ferry once,very windy a young lady about 16 went past and the wind blew her dress up over her head she had the briefest of thongs on and a cute arse to boot! :D
turning to the other half not thinking i said "will you look at the arse on that".........................she did not talk to me for a while!!! 8)
 
#2
When trying to make my way through the massed ranks of schoolchildren of various different nationalities when visiting Auschwitz the comment 'i feel like im about to be crushed to death' went down like a lead balloon.
 
#4
I have a friend who is a paralized after having a C-spine fracture. Shortly after they were out of hospital I walked through their front door and slipped on the laminate flooring, then said "Jesus, I nearly broke my fcuking neck" I was met by silence and shaking heads.

Same person, I had been knealt on the floor sorting a printer, stood up, "oh sh1t dead legs, oh b0llcks cant feel my feet" just got given a withering look and told "yeah, I get that all the time".
 
#5
Famous Medic of Geordie extraction with an Irish surname was on exercise in the Bergen-Hohne area when he decides to take his young sidekick to see Belsen. Got there and parked in the car park and went for a look-see. The place was chocca with Jews. It turns out it's Yom Kippur. We decide to make a quiet withdrawal and come back another day. Gets to car park and there's a little crowd round the truck staring at the "Rations - No Lifts" Sign. Instead of apologies I managed to come out with 'it's OK it's empty'. Not my finest hour.
 
#9
I was chatting to a young girl student. I didn't know her at all well, not even her name. She asked me what I was doing that evening (by way of polite conversation) I said I was going to rent a film and watch it at home with some junk food.

She: "oh, don't you download movies from the Internet?"

Me: "Isn't that illegal?"

She: "Yes, but it's a victimless crime."

Me: "What, like rape?"

*silence*

Me: "Whoops"
 
#11
long_tall_frenchie said:
I was chatting to a young girl student. I didn't know her at all well, not even her name. She asked me what I was doing that evening (by way of polite conversation) I said I was going to rent a film and watch it at home with some junk food.

She: "oh, don't you download movies from the Internet?"

Me: "Isn't that illegal?"

She: "Yes, but it's a victimless crime."

Me: "What, like rape?"

*silence*

Me: "Whoops"
That made me laugh moi arse off, no beverages in range though for keyboard/monitor destruction. Why the feck they get the hump over that I'll never know, fair play to you though - some day they'll get it.
 
#12
What, get raped?

Own effort, said whilst concentrating on something else, comparing working at DSS with being dead and buried;

'You're kept in the dark, immobilised by circumstances beyond your control, and surrounded by vermin'

Guess that's why I was still on probation when I left six years later...
 
#15
Her: does this look nice?
Me: yes
Her: should i try it on?
Me: Yes
her: does my ass look big in this?
Me: yes...........wait what?
silence for a few days.........bitch

Me: you sound like your mum (she did)
silence for another few days

she was wearing this huge top the kind pregant chics wear
Me: you look pregnant!
Her: well.... i might be
Me: is it mine?
silence for yet another few days

watching a film toghether she keeps asking who he is/ what she did/ what he said
Me: shut up im trying to watch it you spastic!
Her: we are finished!

haha what a fun girl :)
 
#16
Cant see how its not been done before

Gestapo Chappie: "Gud Luck"
Group Captain Ramsey: "Thank you"


'I love you too'

Trp S/Sgt: I need a volunteer...
Being NIG and keen a a beaver: *springs to attention** 'Staff!'
Trp S/Sgt: Sig C******r, you are now on Fire picket, have fun
 
#18
Oh and mentioning ARRSE to the other half as well as explaining the art of Wah.....been walking on egg shells in a state of wah-shock ever since
 
#19
Wifey and I are ready to go out:

I am of course looking my usual dastardly self, she is wearing flat black shoes, black peddle pusher pants and a black top.

"Do I look OK in this ?"

"No you look like a Vietnamese peasant"

"Your a git"

"Shut it Charlie and lets Di-di Mau"

So at the pub she tells all of her mates, who promptly laugh their asses off at my wit, which pisses her off so much that she calls me a git again, gets a cab and goes home to change, :oops: down 40 sobs and not a pint drowned yet.
 

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