Things you dont want to hear........



Phrases you would rather not hear……

· We're sending you to 224 Signal Squadron
· "You know I told you I was over sixteen ? Well..."
· You've got three weeks to live
· The Americans will be providing the close air support.
· You're posted to Tidworth.
· Your new Troop Sgt has just done P company.
· Leave is cancelled.
· Pick up the log.
· Step off to my timings and my timings only…….By the Front…..
· Do you accept my award?
· It's character building……
· I'm sorry, Sir, but I've had to remove your penis and both your testicles
· We've always done it that way!
· You are cordially invited to the 3 Para Mortar Platoon Rohypnol Party
· My office. Now.
· Move to Grid 12345678 where the helicopters will pick you up at 0300.
· Do you have anything planned for leave?
· It's your turn to blow the blind grenade.
· OK, integrity question, did you do it?
· I think it's yours
· Crack, Crack, Ping, Ping, THUMP.
· Sunray is down.
· Breaking into double time
· Taking you a stage further in your foot drill......... I left you in this position.
· Reveille 05 early hours and Drill until NAAFI break.
· Contact, wait..out.
· Follow me, it's a short cut.
· Of course the Claymore is pointing away from way are WE pointing ?
· Good effort lads, outstanding entry drills, but it's the wrong house.
· Has anyone seen the enemy? Right, You! ... Draw Fire.
· He's waking up, pass the KY, it's better when they fight back.
· The RMP are in the block.
· You feature rather a lot in the Christmas duty list.
· I forgot to tell you, I've got herpes
· You will need this opened umbrella dragged from your piss slit
· Don't make plans for the weekend
· The PRE team have just come through the gates
· You'll get it in theatre
· Is that it?
· We're all out of them, fill out all these forms and we will indent for them.
· There's an Officer in here improperly dressed...
· It's your round.
· Too slow, do it again!
· Standby....
· CDT are here??
· ONE! Two, Three, ONE!!
· Mr Vice...take 5.
· You're in your own time now.
· My tea's a salad.
· Shit rolls down hill.
· Bug out!!!
· Standby your beds!
· You're up first. Now.
· It's either cancer or penile warts.
· The RSM wants your feet in his in tray NOW.
· Tony needs something to whip up voter support and he's decided on another war.
· Right, lads, this one's a silent breach.
· Bend over. This may smart a bit!
· We need a decoy....
· You shure got a prurty mouth.....
· If it ain't raining it ain't training.
· Soldier, I'm the Platoon Commander, I should have the map!
· Right-ho chaps, I know where we are, follow me!
· Can you just have a quick look at my 432?
· More Tea Vicar?
· Don't worry lads. I was in the RAF you know.
· Has anyone actually read the manual Sgt?
· One volunteer required!
· Just a shandy for me please.
· All leave is cancelled until morale improves.
· Iraq? Is that near Catterick?
· Mmmmm...I think it's time to PVR.
· You'll like Osnabruck its a great posting?
· The alert states gone up and we need to double the guard!
· Remove your canister and take a deep breath.
· Can I see his Conduct Sheets Sergeant Major.
· 14 Days Restriction of Privileges, March Out!
· Open your lockers?
· Report to the cookhouse…take some gloves.
· Well, we finished an hour early , and as it's such a pleasant day...
· AGAI 67...
· Tony has decided to send troops to the Lebanon on peace keeping duties.....
· .........using UN rules of engagement........
· .................with only 2 rounds each......
· .....................which have to last you the whole tour!
· Ok lads we've got a choice. Either The US Army air corps A-10's do our close air support ... or its RAF Harriers!
· Greenie to the pan!
· Cyprus is cancelled lads. Budget cuts from LAND I'm afraid. However, we managed to get Sennybridge at short notice for April.
· Do you know you have glowstick on your helmet?
· We need you to lay this comms line... if you see the minefield you're going the right way...
· I'm tired, you can finish yourself off...
· For you Tommy, ze war is over!
· Sarge, what is this stuck in my gun?
· Thats no hill, just get up it!
· Welcome to P Company.
· If it's not raining, it's not training.
· Civvy's pay a fortune to do this! you get to do it for free and get paid for the privlage!!
· Brecon
· Press-up position...Down!!
· You've let me down, you've let the Battery down, but above all, you've let yourself down
· Have you read this book? Brilliant innit?!
· Otterburn
· Lower... Raise...
· You're on stag
· Prepare to double!
· Right you cunts, reference that prominent woodline roughly 4km away? I want each of you to bring me a twig from it...
· DOUBLE!!!!!
· Incoming!!
· This flu you've got ... you weren't in Mexico recently were you?
· Don't bother unpacking as there has been a change of plan.
· I'm sorry, I can't find your name on the list.
· Excellent idea Lieutenant.
· Sure, take what you need from the stores. We got an excellent deal on Webtex the other day.
· So, you served twenty years in the SAS, seven as a Royal Marine Commando and fourteen in the Parachute Regiment...?


Book Reviewer

Copied straight from Arrsepedia!

Why did you bother?
From the Doris this morning at 0645 - " There's a few drips of water coming through the ceiling in the living room but it doesn't look too bad."

1600 - nice British Gas chaps have just finished replacing the leaking hot water storage tank.


No car today so I've got to get the bus. Hope theres something to have a perv at.

To the hole!!
Now Now......not nice coming from someone whose name means DICK...LOL

You're an even worse shagger than your your mum and sister told me

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