Things You Done and Wish You Hadnt Done

Anyone who's ever done something stupid, though harmless and legal I might add, won't want us to know about it, and we never will, will we?

O really?

1. The ex wife: waiting at Stranraer, as a train goes past the Boat:

"Has the train just come off the Boat, then?"

2. Me to girllfriend..."Who won the Grand Prix?" answer: "Balaclava" :oops:

Go on it's your turn, no names, but they'll know who they are :twisted:
A certain blonde who shall remain nameless takes the credit for this:
Me: I**** could you put the microwave on for a minute
Her: Yes ok how long for?
Bought Mrs Puttees some nice Sabatier knives and spent a little time sharpening them.

"You will be careful with these, won't you? They're sharp."

"I'm always careful."

"Uh huh.... But these are REALLY sharp."

"It's the blunt knife that cuts you."

OK, I tried.

I come back from work and Mrs Puttees says, "I've done something really silly." as she holds up her bandaged finger. Note BANDAGED, not just a plaster.

"What happened?"

"Well, I'd just cut some cake - it was really easy - and then I wiped the crumbs off the blade with my finger...."

Apparently, the cut was an inch long before she noticed.

Do I wish that I hadn't sharpened the knives? NO. But she wishes that she'd used a cloth to wipe the knife.
A few of us were looking at a lighting fault on a box body. Come 1000 hrs, tools were downed for NAAFI break. One yound nig wasn't in the rest room with us. We suddenly heard a loud bang and a lond drawn out "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

The daft twat, a qualified Electronics Technician, decided to help by following the wires with his finger whilst leaning on to a live pin.
bird working on her PC .. blue screen of death .. ok turn off and turn on the PC again.

She turn off the VDU and back on.

"Oh the problems still there"
I was working in a college library a couple of years after leaving the regulars. When dealing with a complete fcukwit I asked in a voice loud enough to carry the length of the room - " are you a natural idiot or do you have to work really hard at it?" could have heard a pin drop.


Took my entire active edge kit to NI with me, as instructed. What the f*ck was I supposed to do with vests, red PT * 2 whilst sitting in a sangar?
Wasnt me but saw a lad once try to stop a ceiling fan with his hands.
Joining the RAF Regiment. Does that count?


whils sat in the pub one evening, we were talking about some crap we'd seen on the T.V and Peaches Geldof was mentioned...(no pun intended)

my V BLONDE mate pipes up ' you know , i don't understand it... I thought he was a fictional character in lord of the does he have a famous daughter?'

'no, mate, that Gandalf ...not Geldof'

Oh dear... :oops:

Another great one from the same daft bint (bless her) when talking about applying another layer off gloss paint to the window sill. ' I wouldnt worry too much about it mate it's all prosthetics'.....

'Um , dont you mean aesthetics?'
' you say tom-ay-toe , i say tom-ar-toe'
' nah, you say an artificial limb...i say something thats pleasing to the eye...'


I believed every word the recruiter told me, oh how he must have laughed!!!!!


Book Reviewer


Book Reviewer
Slept with my sister..........bad move on my part thinking back on it


Book Reviewer
4-8-Alfa said:
B_AND_T said:
4-8-Alfa said:
B_AND_T said:
That's what Mrs B and T said as well :D
No she didn't, she can't talk with her jaw wired up.
I could have sworn she said. mm, mmmmm, mmm, mmmmmm, mmmmm, mm, mmmm, mmmmm arid!
To be fair she was giving you a nosh at the time.

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