things to fcuk up a new troopy

what things have been done to fcuk up a new troopy,

at 27 Regt in the 80's a new troopy was giving out the vehicle regs stating that they should be lined up ready to go on exercise etc etc no fcuk ups as this was his show blah blah blah he was being a konb so when he gave out a few regs stating Dvr A & Dvr B to drive 34 KE 56 then later down the line Dvr X & DVR Y to drive 36 KF 67 we just got on with it, his face was priceless when when the first few wagons st off then nothing esle happen so when he can back in his rover to find out what was happening only to find 4 X Dvr's sat on 2 water trailers........
On the first day, take a troopy of the opposite sex, dress them in a Pte's uniform and get the sarn't major to wheel them in to the new troopy with a real sob story (hard drugs, pregnancy, menage a trois with the CO's wife (or the CO)) with the comment that "this is really urgent, Sir, and you must deal with it now...". Sit back and wait for the stressed b***er to realise at lunchtime that he has been had!

Swapping a junior soldier/subbie with the CO works well as long as the ground is well prepared! "Have you met the CO? New boy, youngest CO in the Regt etc etc."

A new troopy on arrival in bos, was told that there was an inbound helo with a wanted war criminal on board heading for their loc. As he was the only sober one, he would have to marshall the helo in. He received a brief, issued the relevant safety equipment, and told to 'get on with it'. He stood in the middle of the tank park awaiting for the Wokka to come over the hill, the OC shouts out 'here it comes, start marshalling'.

Troopy starts and he starts to here the familiar sound of 'wokka wokka wokka wokka' then wonders why there is no helo and the sound appears to be coming from behind him, turns to the balcony of the bar and sees it full of 'merry' soldiers laughing their tits of at him. He took it in good humour, not much choice really as the OC made him ring the bell!!!
On Telic our Sqn had a new Tp Comd arriving straight from the Tp Comds Cse. As such he was collected from the APOD and the driver briefed to bring him to Sqn Ops. On his arrival he was met by the SSM (Ops Sgt), the Sqn Ops Offr (female LCpl Rad Op), Ops LCpl (Sqn Ops Offr), and a few other "personalities". Needless to say when the “Ops LCpl” drops his trousers in front of a fan to “cool” himself the “SSM” went ballistic, the “Ops Offr” couldn’t do a brief for the new Troopie due to the “Ops Sgt” gobbing off. The poor sod must have wondered what on earth he had got himself into!

The look on his face the following morning when he realised he’d been stitched up was a picture. The unfortunate thing was apart from the roles being changed our ops normally ran like that!!! 8O

Having just read this I suppose it's one of those tales where you really had to be there! :oops:

BTW if said Tp Comd is reading this he still owes me for a DJ!
what about getting smacked in the face by a bloke that they have never met in the Sgts' Mess? ahhhhhhh fond memories, and no i didn't do anything wrong (for once)


Mess Dinner, Gluing the cutlery to the table cloth, hole in the bottom of the wine glass, flour in the knapkin, fishing line from the chair runs under the table to somthing precarious at the othe end, Massive portion on the plate, cold soup, mess waiter loudly telling him where the toilets are, when port is presented to the table getting the mess waiter to have port already in glass before the decanter is opened. Mess waiter clearing there plates halfway through meal, vodka in the wine, guard commander coming in to tell troopy to move there car as some mess steward has put them in the co,s spot

Loads and Loads of things you can do

When the Troopy start work on their first day start a fight outside their Office. when the Troopy starts flapping like a good one the OC comes out and has a go at the new troopy for not sorting it out. If you are going to do this all you will need are a couple of people to have a fight (that should not be to hard to sort out). You will also need to get the OC to play along as well. We done this a couple of years ago to our new Troopy and she did sh1t herself. It was worth the to Extras that I got.
My first and only Female Troopy...

After an Exercise Recce, earliest start possible, on way back in series 3 Landy, I stuffed wet bog paper into my heater otulets (ha there's a joke), turned it up full on heat her side, just as she's nodded off.
Get up proper close the an artic truck, hit the full beam, horn & brake at same time, and screeam FU*kin Hell!

She woke up suddenly, sees the truck, shits her pants.

Result !

Smelly for the next half hour, but funny as f*ck.
On her first day & fresh out of the factory, Troopy was asked to investigate a recent spate of clothing thefts from the accommodation block drying rooms. This was met by a worried look from Troopy & advice on how to proceed with the investigation.

She was informed that the last distinct item of clothing to be stolen was a pair of Dennis The Menace boxer shorts. She was then informed that as this was a recent theft, it could be that the undie thief might be wearing this new addition to his wardrobe. The best way to find out who the thief was would be to catch him red-handed, so-to-speak. Therefore Troopy was advised that getting all living in singlies paraded for a random underwear inspection was the best way to catch the thief. Sgt X informed Troopy that this was a tried & tested method that more often than not got results.

By the way, the entire Troop were in on the 'Hit'

The next morning the singlies were assembled. Troopy came out in her new capacity..........Undie Detective. She then went through the story of how she had reason to believe that there was a thief in our midst. (Please note: Troopy had already been introduced to the entire Troop on the previous day.) The usual was mentioned, how thief's are the lowest of the low, thieving from mates not tolerated, etc, etc.

Troopy then continued to let her captivated audience know that she had an idea who the thief might be. With that Troopy gave the nod to Sgt X, to which he proceeded to ask this fine body of men to drop their CS 95 trousers. This was done whilst Sgt X had a grin from ear to ear, how everyone else managed to keep a straight face I do not know. (That is, everyone except Troopy, she was in serious mode, she was of course about to apprehend a thief.)

Now the idea was that the blokes in the front rank were meant to wear specially designed boxer shorts. White in colour, each with a letter painted in black on the front. When stood side by side the boxer shorts should have read YOU'VE BEEN HIT. However one bright young soldier thought that it would be funny not to put his special boxer shorts on, in fact he didn't put any on.

A certain females face was a picture..................................unfortunately mobiles with built in cameras were not a common thing then.
New Troopy posted into Berlin – Cold War era but the Sov MPs were up for a laugh when asked. Phase 1: Troopy met at CP A, Helmstedt – given the “special” brief: harassment by SOCMIS and flag cars etc. 20 minutes down the corridor she is boxed in by 2 spoofed up black Opal Senators with drivers in furry hats. Guns pointing, photos taken – hassle for the next 100 km. On arrival at CP B, proceeds through successively senior debriefs with RMP Sgt then WO then Capt then LtCol (all successively junior members of her new RCT squadron). The whole thing lasting into the wee small hours. Phase 2: 2 hours to complete a 30 minute route to her new barracks. Phases 3 onwards too long to recount here but lasted the better part of a week. Funny how she never trusted us again.
Ford_Prefect said:
“things to fcuk up a new troopy” about their OC!
Oh Dear. F_P were you bu&&ered by your OC when you were a subaltern? Or did he/she merely make you earn your pay between getting lashed and living the dream...?
They day our last one arrived we had a rehersal for a CO's parade. New Subby was told he would be holding the Station Colour for the parade but as it is obviously an important item he would be given a substitute for the practise.

Both Sqn's on parade and the Subby proudly marches front and centre carrying an broom upside down. Fair play to him he stood rigidly to attention the whole time despite the laughing.

He then thought that was him stitched up and so totally missed the fact the LE OC was infact the Trg Senior. He made him write a timed essay, tore a strip off him when it was not good enough and then promtly sacked him. His face was a picture.
New troopy in Op Telic 1 , at camp condor, we got one of our maltise lads dresses in iraqi uniform and hid in an iso container, with some of us kick the crap of the side of it, and whilst hes screaming maltise at us, we beat him up, and make her sign for him on a 1033, after role reversing (SSM,OC,etc) he escapes and as shes the one who "signed for him" gives chase - then captures him and is taken to the CO who has know idea whats going on..... funny americans came close to shooting him.... :( and forgot about the beating pictures... was scared when the film went for development ..ooops

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