Things to do when the wife and kids are away.

Whining Civvy

War Hero
My mrs and the anklebiters are away for a week, leaving me home alone. I have filled the fridge with beer, ransacked the cupboards for things I want to eat and have them nicely lined up ready to go, and have masturbated twice. What other things can I do (which do not break the bounds of holy matrimony, I do have a few morals). I have seven days, four of which I have off work, and I'm bored of the local pubs and need to make the most of my freeeeeedom.
 
My mrs and the anklebiters are away for a week, leaving me home alone. I have filled the fridge with beer, ransacked the cupboards for things I want to eat and have them nicely lined up ready to go, and have masturbated twice. What other things can I do (which do not break the bounds of holy matrimony, I do have a few morals). I have seven days, four of which I have off work, and I'm bored of the local pubs and need to make the most of my freeeeeedom.
Push a flat blade screwdriver into random people.

Then fling yourself into a blast furnace.
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
My mrs and the anklebiters are away for a week, leaving me home alone. I have filled the fridge with beer, ransacked the cupboards for things I want to eat and have them nicely lined up ready to go, and have masturbated twice. What other things can I do (which do not break the bounds of holy matrimony, I do have a few morals). I have seven days, four of which I have off work, and I'm bored of the local pubs and need to make the most of my freeeeeedom.
Do you have any hobbies or things that you like?
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
Your lot are going to come back to :
1. A sink full of dirty washing up.
2. A filthy kitchen full of empty beer bottles and food wrappers.
3. A bedroom full of screwed up tissues and stiff wrinkled sheets.
4. A load of weird stuff you neither want or need bought from Amazon in a drunken frenzy.
5. Radio still blaring out heavy metal rock.
6. TV on an 'adult' channel.
7. Open doors and windows.
8. Stray cats wandering around foraging for scraps in the kitchen.
9, The smell of sulphur and purple smoke from visits by the Emperor.
Have fun mucker.
 
Strip off, smear yourself in your own poo, grab a couple of handfuls and let it dribble between your fingers then go kick down the door of the neighbour across the road and insist they inspect it for worms.
 
What other things can I do (which do not break the bounds of holy matrimony, I do have a few morals).

Rattling everything willing within a 30 mile radius on Tinder or a swingers site is out of the question then? :razz:

Aside from my computer gaming and getting outside for some exercise on the bike or whatever, I'd probably be blasting through all the war and horror films and series that she doesn't like in glorious HD and surround sound.
 
The old saying goes" You are only single when you are more than 100 miles away from home" so jump in the car, head to a nice coastal seaside town, and do the single man thing on the pull. You never know you might latch on to a rich widow,looking for a quick fling , or some ditsy blond sterile nymphomaniac bimbo that likes older men. If you bat for the pavilion end, head south to Brighton............ "This has been a public service announcement" :p
 
@W.Civvy.
I'd book your Specsavers milk-bottle lenses now ....you'll be blind by the time they (might) come back.
Durty auld shite ye.
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964ST

LE
Put a pair of Black Gloves on your feet and walk about like a silverback gorilla very therapeutic, (probably better on your off days).

edit:- NI Gloves we’re the most authentic, would even fool Sir Richard Attenborough at a distance.

1625763040644.jpeg
 
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Rattling everything willing within a 30 mile radius on Tinder or a swingers site is out of the question then? :razz:

This.

Deep down you're bored of the humdrum and tedium of your shitty married life and horrible sprogs and desire once more to go on a drunken debauched fuckfest with as many dirties as you can match with on Tinder. Secretly you know this but are seeking confirmation and approval from enlightened individuals such as ourselves.

After this, BH's suggestion sounds good as a way of cleansing your guilty filthy little self.

Let us know how you get on.
 

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