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Things to do to the Stag

An absolute classic I heard was to give him a viagra, wait for it to take effect then tie him naked in a barn with a calf, and put milk on his bell-end.

Calves do like milk.......

Videofilming the resultant 'suckling' is optional.
 
Father_Gundulph said:
Edited to add - Also you could try to get Jeremy Beadle to film the final un-masking


You'd have to try very fucking hard, he's dead...................................
 
Wait til stag is unconscious, then put some mayonaise in a johnny and carefully poke it halfway into his hoop with a pencil. A pinch of curry powder can be added for the ring sting effect. Make sure you eventually tell him though, otherwise he may end up in counselling and call the wedding off.
 
smartascarrots said:
Shoot it cleanly with a .22-250, gralloch it, mount the rack and have venison for dinner.

.22-250! surely not. Good calibre for shooting foxes but not enough lead for anything bigger than Michael Barrymore! .375 H&H is my bang of choice for anything bigger than a weasel!
 
Completely cover him in boot polish. Colour optional.
shave every hair off his body and superglue a ginger wig on him. and re apply his eyebrows with a red pen.
 
Shave him completly bald im talking whole body then dress him as a cheap tart and take him clubbing and leave him in a bar without the keys to the hotel room. Leave the club and check out of the hotel and go home ideally a train journey away.

You could all dress like that to ease his suspicion.

It would be so funny to watch him try and get a train/plane home wearing a dress bald even more so if you could secretly film him.

Plus a secondary laugh if all hair especially eyebrows havent grown back before the ceremony.
 
shaving the inside of the bum cheeks one week before the wedding is always fun! Hardly noticable until the wedding day, when the combination of nervous sweating, rampant squits and stubble rash ensures that the groom will mince down the aisle, in front of entire family and sniggering mates, like Julian Clary with a bad case of piles!
 
cernunnos said:
.22-250! surely not. Good calibre for shooting foxes but not enough lead for anything bigger than Michael Barrymore! .375 H&H is my bang of choice for anything bigger than a weasel!

I've quite happily taken Roe and Sika with that calibre, although admittedly I can get closer to them in woodland that I could to a Red in the open. I've always found it a good flat-shooting round over the kind of ranges I'm prepared to take a shot and so long as my shot placement is ok, they fall when hit.

Well, actually they jump 6 feet in the air and dash about 70-80 yards before realising they're dead and piling in nose first.
 
smartascarrots said:
cernunnos said:
.22-250! surely not. Good calibre for shooting foxes but not enough lead for anything bigger than Michael Barrymore! .375 H&H is my bang of choice for anything bigger than a weasel!

I've quite happily taken Roe and Sika with that calibre, although admittedly I can get closer to them in woodland that I could to a Red in the open. I've always found it a good flat-shooting round over the kind of ranges I'm prepared to take a shot and so long as my shot placement is ok, they fall when hit.

Well, actually they jump 6 feet in the air and dash about 70-80 yards before realising they're dead and piling in nose first.

My .375 H&H has a similar effect on Pig and red deer except they don't run more than 10 meters. The heavy TLM rounds I use have now been given the nick-name "BD geschosse" by my German hunting mates. BD = Bleib Da! (Stay there bullets!)
 

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