Things to do in Communist China

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Jul 28, 2011.

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  1. Hello chaps!

    I'll be in Beijing for a few days, does anyone have any ideas for what I can do? Bearing in mind that I don't want to offend my sensitive guests nor spend the next 10 years in a labour camp. Is it true what they say about going to the hairdressers? Fraid I can't really be too explitict as I'm in country now. Am I the first arrser to access Arrse from behind the great firewall?

  2. I suppose you could always spend a bit of time finding out if it is true what they say about Chinkies. You know, that thing about half an hour after having one you want another.
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  3. I was there recently and only advice I can give is don't................ and I mean don't go to the Military Museum it is a waste of time and money.

    Other than that enjoy! as for extra Curricular activities can't help as I was wiv Mrs S4S
  4. Have you considered hiring a "bull" outfit and running round some shops?
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  5. See if I am right that well versed asian chics do have muscle control that could milk a cow - go on
  6. Apparently for a decent tip the hotel staff will let you do the whole DSK, rutting chimp thing at no risk to your political career.
  7. I wouldn't worry too much about offending your sensitive guests, it's the hosts that you have to worry about.

    I was there about 10 years ago and most regret not visiting the Forbidden City - I was under the misapprehension that entry was forbidden.

    My hosts took me to see the Great Wall. It's a fair old journey, but worth it if you immerse yourself in the architecture, rather than the tourist stalls. The Summer Palace was another good place - some nice violent British military history there. They also took me to the restaurant where Peking Duck originated. Or, at least, that's what they solemnly believed - I have my doubts as I'm sure Peking Duck was around before the 1960's, certainly the building was of reinforced concrete construction.
  8. Oh, and another...

    A visit to a hot pot restaurant is a must. It's nothing like a Lancashire one, it's more of an indoor barbie without the BBQ - very DIY and entertaining in company.
  9. Forbidden city is v. impressive especially when they explain amount of detail / resources needed to build it - audio guide there is voiced by the one and only Roger Moore.

    Top tip - when someone there tells you Tianaman Square has purely been used for ceremonial and military parades, nod and agree. Nothing else has ever happened there...just ceremonial and military parades, that's all...never anything else....
  10. Why isn't this in Travel?
  11. It's true about the hairdressers, but I think you'd have to be pretty desperate.
  12. You could go and see a public dry bumming of criminals.....


    At least I think that's what is going on.......
  13. Isn't that like forbidden? The city that is, although Roger Moore should also be banned, gay wig wearing yarpie twat that he is.

    If not, they need to make their fucking minds up......
  14. If you ask at the tourist office...
  15. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer


    We have just been informed the Ministry of State Security has stuck a key-logger on your laptop. DO NOT email me or any of the rest of the gang. DO NOT go online. When you have been given the customer records from the Bank of Shanghai on the memory sticks from our Wo Shing Wo triad contact you must tie them in a condom and push them up your anus. Use a spoon to get them right up beyond the reach of a probing finger. Its not as if the slimy fucking half men at the Ministry of State Security are going to jam their hand up your arse looking for them, is it?

    Be lucky Brother and DEATH to the dogs of the Government of the Peoples Republic of China.
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