Yesterday I was flying from Heathrow. Standing in the queue for security scanning, a couple of stag-do-uniformed (printed polo shirts with "Bov's big weekend" or some other banal shit on them) lads decided to start being a bit lairy in my general direction: Them: "Why did you just sniff your finger?" (seriously...) Me (couldn't be arsed to be clever): "I didn't. I had an itch." Seriously, I hadn't just been scratching my balls or anything... Them: "Are you English?" Me: "Yes" Then: "Do you like the queen?" Me: "I've never met her" ... this continued for some time, and ended up with lairy cnut no. 1 loudly showing off his 'Free Wales Army' tattoo on his neck, which loudly proclaiming his love and respect for Sinn Fein and Gerry Adams. Surprisingly enough, this escalating exposition caught the attention of the assembled security folk, and he was taken off for a chat. I don't think he was very happy about that, given the naught naughty words he was saying. They'd make my gran blush! The most amusing thing was the clear thought that going on about loving terrorist organisations and terrorists. Sorry, reformed politicians, in that situation is clever.