Things they don't tell you about being a parent

#41
My lads are 44 & 41 so now responsible adults ha ha
Responsible, at 44 & 41, giz a break. My Mrs will tell you I still shouldn't be allowed to go out unsupervised, play with matches, or be near single unaccompanied wimmin..........and I'm 61.
 
#42
They are worth every minute of the expense and worry raising then to 14 years, then the compensation from the Serbian sex traffickers more than makes up for it.
Ah, you waited the extra 2 years and took the lesser amount. Responsible parenting.
 
#43
Oldest boy - English grad, still at home but no issues really. (just wish he could find a job)
Middle boy - halfway through a M.Eng in Sheffield, no issues.
Youngest (apple of my eye) - a clone of me, and, because of that I worry - loves the pop, is irresponsible as feck, spends every penny he's ever had, and is always after more.
BUT a steady A* student and is hoping to do Chemical Engineering at Uni in a couple of years.
Loves nothing more than watching the Six nations in my local and being accepted and included in conversations with my degenerate mates.
I'm pretty lucky really.
 
#44
Two that come to mind from when mine were still young were that no one ever told you that the mere act of leaving the house, which previously took less than a min (shoes on, coat on, locate wallet and away), is now a 15 min exercise in time and motion.
As you have clothe the baby, locate it in pram/car seat, pack a vast array of bottles, nappies and other baby essentials, get yourself ready, leave house, go back in house because in your fatigued state you've forgotten something then crack on with whatever you had set out to do.
Repeat for two years.

That bit where you and your partner are left alone with your new-born baby for the first time in your house (either getting back from hospital or if a home birth when the nurses finally leave) and you look at each other and go 'Now what?'.
Whilst you may have read all the books on babies, gone to classes and asked advice, nothing will ever prepare you for when you are on your own with a tiny human who is totally dependent on you.
And your life as you know it, is over.

Mine are now in their teens at high school and I just have to put up with all the irrelevant trivial guff which to them is so important.
 
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#45
Oh! And babies don't care of that designer shirt you are wearing cost £100. It will be puked on.
 
#46
Eldest did uni and is now a professional mouse wrangler, I kid you not.

Younger finishing an MA with the option to do a PhD.

Both well balanced despite my best efforts.

What I was amazed at is the impossibility of getting any information out of them when smaller.

'Did you have a nice day at school?'
'It was ok.'
What did you do today?'
'Stuff'
'What sort of stuff?'
'School stuff.'
'Did you enjoy it?'
'It was ok.

Repeat ad infinitum

They should instruct at resistance to interrogation courses:-D
 
#47
Two that come to mind from mine were still young were that no one ever told you that the act of leaving the house, which previously took less than a min (shoes on, coat on, locate wallet and away) is now a 15 min exercise in time and motion.
As you have clothe the baby, locate it in pram/car seat, pack a vast array of bottles, nappies and other baby essentials, get yourself ready, leave house, go back in house because in your fatigued state you've forgotten something then crack on with whatever you had set out to do.
Repeat for two years.

That bit where you and your partner are left alone with your new-born baby for the first time in your house (either getting back from hospital or if a home birth when the nurses finally leave) and you look at each other and go 'Now what?'.
Whilst you may have read all the books on babies, gone to classes and asked advice, nothing will ever prepare you for when you are on your own with a tiny human who is totally dependent on you.
And your life as you know it, is over.

Mine are now in their teens at high school and I just have to put up with all the irrelevant trivial guff which to them is so important.
Mrs Rocket 111 read this, oh! How true! She says "When my ex hubby and l got home from hospital, we made a cup of Tea sat down, looked at each other" Now what? ""
Oh! And babies don't care of that designer shirt you are wearing cost £100. It will be puked on.
Mrs Rocket111 says "That's compulsory"!!!!!
 
#48
You lot are really, really, really, breaking my piss pumping heart. 62 years old no kids, unless you count motorcycles.
Never ever wanted any. Too selfish. Plus I think the world is over populated anyway.
Cheers for that mucker.

Sounds like we all dodged a bullet on that aspect then.
 
#49
Whilst the matter of having children was endlessly discussed (well I got talked at) I have no recollection of ever saying anything along the lines of "By all the Gods what a splendid idea!"

Yet here I am with two oafs who used to be children. One is 6' 2", the other 6'4", both doing good impressions of brick outbuildings and both training.

It's like feeding bears. Always hungry.
 
#50
The first time you realise how much the little beggars are going to cost you in food alone.
The oldest Master T. was born a month prematurely at BMH Rinteln. Consequently not all was ready at home. From the outset he wasn’t able to breastfeed.
On the appointed day I went to pick up Mother and babe to take them home.
‘Oh,’ says Mrs T, ‘you’d better pop down to the NAAFI here and pick up some milk powder.’
‘How much do I have to get?’
‘For God’s sake, it’s like compo, a day’s rations in a tin!’
In the NAAFI, I took one look at the required tin and damn near fainted; then checked the contents of my wallet: this was before the days of bancomats and cash cards, and NAAFI didn’t take credit cards.
Back at her bedside, with carrier bag, I pointed out this babe was going to cost us a bloody fortune in milk alone.
‘Have you seen the price of these bloody tins. Jesus, they cost a fortune.
‘Anyway, needs must, and I’ve bought as many as I had cash for - a week’s worth: 7 tins.’
Her face was a picture. ‘Seven tins? That will see him through for a couple of months. What the hell were you thinking of?’
‘But you said it was like compo. A day’s rations in a tin. Seven tins, seven days’ rations. Right?’
It seems the answer was ‘Seriously Wrong’.
All Dad’s who’ve dealt with formula milk will, no doubt, be laughing their socks off right now, and Mothers will be saying ‘What a stupid prat’.
 
#51
The first 4 years are the worst IMO, sleep deprivation, getting used to losing your social life and constant noise dotted about with rare moments of absolute joy.
Then they start to grow into something just amazing. I am incredibly lucky to be a father of a terrific 13yr old girl who is doing great at school and who is turning into one of my best friends in life.
I taught her to ski last year in Kaprun, and today is the last day of our 2nd ski trip together and I have now realised that she has a more fluid and natural skiing style than I do.
She just needs a bit more confidence to go faster now and then. But I had to do a double take yesterday when I looked back over my shoulder on a red run at good pace because I heard someone carving behind me, it was her.
The feeling of pride when I realised and also when she asked to do the black run (same as today) was bloody excellent.

I’m very lucky.
 
#52
The first 4 years are the worst IMO, sleep deprivation, getting used to losing your social life and constant noise dotted about with rare moments of absolute joy.
Then they start to grow into something just amazing. I am incredibly lucky to be a father of a terrific 13yr old girl who is doing great at school and who is turning into one of my best friends in life.
I taught her to ski last year in Kaprun, and today is the last day of our 2nd ski trip together and I have now realised that she has a more fluid and natural skiing style than I do.
She just needs a bit more confidence to go faster now and then. But I had to do a double take yesterday when I looked back over my shoulder on a red run at good pace because I heard someone carving behind me, it was her.
The feeling of pride when I realised and also when she asked to do the black run (same as today) was bloody excellent.

I’m very lucky.
We introduced our two to every sport possible, all those we in our younger days before parenthood had enjoyed and all those we had not but thought we should, they of course immensely enjoyed all that were v expensive.

Now with them at 26 and 21, there is only one sport I can still beat them at, that is swimming, they can ski better, sail better, shoot better just about anything better but I can still beat them in the pool. The realisation that this was the case made me a very proud father.
 
#53
My kids are long grown up and my grand kids are all overseas, so we have taken on
nephews and nieces, two boys age 9and 7, two girls age 5 and one just two,
we take them out individually as they each like to go different places, but this week
they all came over for an Easter egg hunt and play games, [mum tags along too]
They are all very well-behaved and look after each other.
It's the little ones 2nd birthday so SWMBO made a cake ,
It won't last long


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#54
Cheers for that mucker.

Sounds like we all dodged a bullet on that aspect then.
I must admit, I could have framed that a lot better. I really don't hate kids, in fact l love my Grand kid's, who have all adopted me. It's just I've never wanted to produce any.
I do stand by my statement about the world being over populated though.
 
#55
Things they don't tell you about being a parent?
The true bloody cost to your wallet. Genuinely, I believe that if people knew the real cost of raising children they wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.
 
#56
Remember when your sky digital box required a sky subscription card stuck in a slot at the front? The Emperor M himself told my daughter to remove it, then insert it into a gas combustion vent in the living room floor. She was 2 at the time. It took a while to find.
She's a teenager now, and I think she still listens to his advice on occasion. She seldom listens to mine...
 
#57
The toddler stage where, after you've FINALLY got them to bed for the night, you then spend half an hour tidying all the toys away so that you can move around downstairs without standing on the things. Safe in the knowledge that within 30 minutes of them getting up the next morning, the floor will look like an explosion in a toy shop. And further safe in the knowledge that after the second one is born and they move on to Lego, you'd better remember to wear carpet slippers to protect the soles of your feet.

We've 3 kids, at one stage all under 5. How the fuck did we cope?
 
#58
Have I logged on to mumsnet by mistake?
 
#59
Have I logged on to mumsnet by mistake?
Mumsnet will do the cuddly, sweet tales of childhood.
Arrse does the horror stories.

Speaking of which...

When we'd only got one - about 18 months old - SWMBO was upstairs running his bath and I was downstairs with him tidying toys away. There I was on my hands and knees and without a shirt on, it was a warm summers evening. Junior decides it'd be great fun to stand on dad's ankles and lean forward with his hands on my waist, so he could have a ride around as daddy moved around the floor.

Which was fine. Until he threw up in the small of my back. Copiously, as only a toddler can do. This surprised both of us. Laddo then take a step backwards off my ankles and proceeds to howl. I start to straighten up, yelling for SWMBO to, "GET DOWN HERE NOW!". As I straighten up, the vomit starts to run into my trousers and down the crack of my arse. Ahhhhfuuuucckkkkkk.

All the while, I'm trying to calm laddo down. SWMBO walks in, takes one look at the situation and hoicks laddo off upstairs to the bathroom.

Me? I'm stood there in the middle of a ring of vomit, with a wet feeling around my arse and running down my legs.

Lovely.
 
#60
Me? I'm stood there in the middle of a ring of vomit, with a wet feeling around my arse and running down my legs.
Normal Saturday night then?
 

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