Things they don't tell you about being a parent

#1
Being a parent is a beautiful thing. You know you're going to be run ragged and all your spare time eaten up by appointments, parties and clubs. But it's ok and you learn to adapt to your new life and new realities. You start to notice and appreciate new things about life and the world in general. This thread is to list the things that happen or notice once you became a parent.

I'll go first:

My TV remote got hidden on Tuesday and the more I try to convince my eldest they're not in trouble but can they please try and remember where they put it when playing 'wrapping presents', the more they enjoy the game. Ffs.
 
#2
Took me three days to find the remote once.

It was pointed out to me I had copious search experience. Kids are much better than drug dealers though.
 
#4
Took me three days to find the remote once.

It was pointed out to me I had copious search experience. Kids are much better than drug dealers though.
Especially as drug dealers don't think of the 'unorthodox' hiding places that seem to come naturally to children.

I still fondly remember all of the apples that I didn't want to eat for breakfast being carefully concealed in a rather nice vase and then emptied on Sunday morning when no one else was about. Rinse and repeat each week.
 
#5
Milk vanishes.
We use 3x more milk per day when No.1 comes home from Uni.

Money vanishes. the older they get, the faster it vanishes.
 
#7
#9
Being obliged to learn the names of every inane, brightly coloured, non threatening character from children's TV and being expected to sing the bloody songs.
Having said that, being able to say "I demand a fucking hoobledigga* for being accused of eating all the choccy bix" is recompense now they're older.

*©The Hoobs (which were good)
 
#14
You lot are really, really, really, breaking my piss pumping heart. 62 years old no kids, unless you count motorcycles.
Never ever wanted any. Too selfish. Plus I think the world is over populated anyway.
 
#16
You lot are really, really, really, breaking my piss pumping heart. 62 years old no kids,
Never ever wanted any. Too selfish. Plus I think the world is over populated anyway.
I've not got your years but same here. Plus I work with the vindictive little shits, that's enough to put me off dealing with them at home as well.
 
#20
I have two nieces and two nephews, whenever I was home on my time off, if it coincided with the school holidays they used to come and stay with me.
I had a lot of fun with them, they were good kids and I used to wind them up unmercifully and do things with them that my brother never did.
An example of this was to pack up a picnic lunch and head down to the swimming hole at the local river with them and the dogs.
When I mentioned going for a picnic, they never knew what a picnic was. Sad really.

Then eventually the hormones arrived and they turned from being nice easy going kids into absolute nightmares, the two girls particularly, so that was it, bugger off and don't come back was my verdict.
 

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