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Things that irritate me

The few times I've been tempted to use the C+P spaces, my response when challenged parking up is "My wife and kids are in the store, I'm picking them up, I'll better go and pay for the shopping". Or if challenged coming out "I've just dropped my wife and kids off. Cheers"
I find “Fuck Off!” works a treat.
 
Parking in C & P (or bitch & bastard spaces) is great. They’re close to the entrance, wonderfully wide & reduces the chances of getting your pride & joy scratched by some feckless knob in a chav wagon.
Win.
Parking in spacka spots is a no no mind. I’ve got some respect.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
I find “**** Off!” works a treat.
Normally that would be my response but I have just been put on full-on RoPs for getting round ARRSE swear filters so my response would be "Kindly step out of my road before I have one of my episodes".
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
Perfect timing, my other half got me the following book for my birthday.
My crack about "Bleating swivel eyed mad birds need not apply" clearly was not aimed at your lovely other half. It was aimed at other bleating swivel eyed mad birds.
 
Parking in spacka spots is a no no mind. I’ve got some respect.
Except that there really aren't the number of spackers and raspberries that warrant about 20% of the spaces that are reserved for them. With the further 30% that are reserved for parents with children, it's probably worthwhile leaving your car at home on the drive as it'll still be nearer the supermarket building.
 
I live in our town centre. We have a private car park but space is limited, so I have one vehicle. I have a camper van in which we visit the local supermarkets and I always park in the Child and Parent slots simply because they are a more reasonable size and most of them are usually empty. I have never had a problem with nutjobs saying you can`t park there.
 
Fucktard mangina pony-tailed quims who wear satchels (BACK packs) on their chests to look..... ? cool? Even more spasmoid? It's in the name, metrowanker.



And breathe.

*** just don't be the first twunt to tell me to get it off my chest. My blood pressure is high enough, thank you ***
 
Had th displeasure of visiting ASDA on Dunbar on the way home this afternoon.....when did children get so fucking screamy and bad tempered

suppose a decent slap wouldn't go amiss in a few cases....do I get arrested for thinking that
 
Had th displeasure of visiting ASDA on Dunbar on the way home this afternoon.....when did children get so ******* screamy and bad tempered

suppose a decent slap wouldn't go amiss in a few cases....do I get arrested for thinking that
@flieslikeabeagle. Some brats have always been brats,they are not a new thing and have been around forever. I wonder what Violet Elizabeth Botts great great grand children are like.
 
@flieslikeabeagle. Some brats have always been brats,they are not a new thing and have been around forever. I wonder what Violet Elizabeth Botts great great grand children are like.
Brats are not a new thing and, given the right circumstances in former times, could be dealt with accordingly.

However, nowadays they're no longer brats but sufferers of ADHD or somewhere up a dusty and obscure part of the autism spectrum and therefore victims.
 
suppose a decent slap wouldn't go amiss in a few cases....do I get arrested for thinking that
Confused?
Do you mean the 4 toothed oxygen thieving Coonshull-hairlift squint eyed tuna odoured dog breathed 44 B.M.I. trailer trash themselves or the repulsive, fatherless, future drug peddling Welfare sponsored fukkers that squelched out of their over-worked wizard sleeves?
 
Confused?
Do you mean the 4 toothed oxygen thieving Coonshull-hairlift squint eyed tuna odoured dog breathed 44 B.M.I. trailer trash themselves or the repulsive, fatherless, future drug peddling Welfare sponsored fukkers that squelched out of their over-worked wizard sleeves?
I do wish you'd say what you mean and stop beating about the bush!
 
All this vege/vegan/allergy* bollocks.

*fussy, look at me bastards.

Middle son's wedding earlier this year, there were veges, vegans and some bint with an allergy to mushrooms. Or was it onions? The fucking about with the caterers getting things sorted was unbelievable.

Daughters getting wed next year and a good 20% of the guests are fussy bastards. Lesson learned and it's a buffet for this bash, the twats can eat what they want or starve for all I care.

When we got wed back in '86 it was tomato soup for starters, roast beef, yorkshire pud, roast spuds (done in goose fat), 2 other veg, onion gravy and a choice of dessert. Unbelievably none of the guests died, were paralyzed, had some sort of seizure or complained about the FREE FOOD that was provided for them.
 
Customers. Also, front of house staff.

Now, I'm not happy doing breakfast splits at the best of times, but this morning, I had some cow wander in, who doesn't approve of what we have on the breakfast menu. So orders three hard boiled eggs, and wants a salad to go with it.

I wasn't pleased the duty manager took the order. The twat!
 
Customers. Also, front of house staff.

Now, I'm not happy doing breakfast splits at the best of times, but this morning, I had some cow wander in, who doesn't approve of what we have on the breakfast menu. So orders three hard boiled eggs, and wants a salad to go with it.

I wasn't pleased the duty manager took the order. The twat!
You are Marco Pierre White & I claim my £5.
 
All this vege/vegan/allergy* bollocks.


When we got wed back in '86 it was tomato soup for starters, roast beef, yorkshire pud, roast spuds (done in goose fat), 2 other veg, onion gravy and a choice of dessert. Unbelievably none of the guests died, were paralyzed, had some sort of seizure or complained about the FREE FOOD that was provided for them.
Bloody high-rolling Yuppie snob you were.
Ours in 1976 was:

Starters: Tap water with optional ice & a dash of PLJ to make it interesting .

Main:
Per table of 6...
One Vesta Beef curry.
(Between them)

Dessert:

Between the whole lot of 'em......
And sort out who gets which square but leave me the marzipan.
 
Now the problem with your goat stuff, you know the goats cheese, goats milk.
Your actual problem with all that type of stuff is, oh and goats meat.
Your problem is

IT TASTES OF ******* GOAT!!!

Which leads me onto MasterChef.

I quite like it, even though on the celeb version half the time I doubt even the 'Celebs' own mothers would know who they are.
Zippy in glasses can be amusing and the smug Aussie mostly keeps his mouth shut and just rolls his eyes.

What pisses me off is everyone likes everything.
No one ever turns round and says 'I don't like fish' or lamb and so on.

Where are the normal people who when faced with Simons 'Rotted badgers anus on bed of saffron rice served with a slug trail foam' go "You know I don't like rice."?
Its always tuck in and criticise how long the anus has been allowed to rot.

I don't like fish, my wife doesn't like fish, our daughter doesn't like fish. I heard Frank Skinners show at the weekend when it was suggested that no one likes fish and people just pretend they do, which I can well believe.
Why does everyone on cookery programmes like everything?
I remember the Keith Floyd programs where on location he would make his version of a local dish and then ask a local if it was any good. There was a fair chance the answer would be no it's shit. The likelihood of this happening increased as he got more and more pissed throughout the program.
They don't have cookery programs like that anymore.
 

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