Have a word with the pool staff and get them to tell the slow bastard to swap lanes, they should be policing the swimmers to ensure social distancing is maintained, as it is really important in a chlorine laced pool not to get to close to some one for a few seconds.I have previously mentioned the Duty Slow Driver on here, I now have his aquatic equivalent.
The Duty Slow Swimmer.
After the Government saved us all and allowed pools to reopen I have been able to resume my daily chlorine therapy.
In order to protect us in what must be a pretty aseptic atmosphere the pool is now divided into 3 sets of lanes: Slow, Medium and Poseur each of which have a clockwise/anticlockwise circuit to follow.
Now I reckon I'm an OK swimmer and as I don't own a swimming cap, feel the need to place a water bottle at the side of the pool, do fancy turns at the end, unless its the second set when they have to stop and rest for 5 mins coz they're knackered from all the grunting and splashing they did, I go in the medium lane.
This for the most part works fine, I'm in the upper end of medium so can use to centre lane to pass and will wait at the end for half a length so I don't end up nipping at the heels of the person in front. But then duty slow swimmer arrives. He is an old bloke who drives a Rover 75, takes 10mins to get changed to get in the water and doesn't so much swim as flail his arms around weakly like a confused old person who's been strapped into one of those chairs Ambulances have. If you stuck a red blanket over his legs when he does his back stroke parody you'd be looking for the Paramedic, he doesn't move his legs at all doing breast stoke, they just trail in the water - I obviously have had a lot of time to study him.
He is slow, very slow and everyone has to go into the middle lane to pass him, on every ******* length. Why the old twat cant figure out that when even fat old men are zipping past he maybe should go over to the fat wheezy boys lane and let the rest of us swim without the bottleneck he creates.
And then he's got his party piece.
After creating a log jam when 3 of us have arrived at broadly the end at the same time, rather than wait and let the clearly faster swimmers set off before him, he waits until I arrive and then sets off.