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Things that irritate me

I have previously mentioned the Duty Slow Driver on here, I now have his aquatic equivalent.
The Duty Slow Swimmer.
After the Government saved us all and allowed pools to reopen I have been able to resume my daily chlorine therapy.
In order to protect us in what must be a pretty aseptic atmosphere the pool is now divided into 3 sets of lanes: Slow, Medium and Poseur each of which have a clockwise/anticlockwise circuit to follow.

Now I reckon I'm an OK swimmer and as I don't own a swimming cap, feel the need to place a water bottle at the side of the pool, do fancy turns at the end, unless its the second set when they have to stop and rest for 5 mins coz they're knackered from all the grunting and splashing they did, I go in the medium lane.

This for the most part works fine, I'm in the upper end of medium so can use to centre lane to pass and will wait at the end for half a length so I don't end up nipping at the heels of the person in front. But then duty slow swimmer arrives. He is an old bloke who drives a Rover 75, takes 10mins to get changed to get in the water and doesn't so much swim as flail his arms around weakly like a confused old person who's been strapped into one of those chairs Ambulances have. If you stuck a red blanket over his legs when he does his back stroke parody you'd be looking for the Paramedic, he doesn't move his legs at all doing breast stoke, they just trail in the water - I obviously have had a lot of time to study him.

He is slow, very slow and everyone has to go into the middle lane to pass him, on every ******* length. Why the old twat cant figure out that when even fat old men are zipping past he maybe should go over to the fat wheezy boys lane and let the rest of us swim without the bottleneck he creates.
And then he's got his party piece.
After creating a log jam when 3 of us have arrived at broadly the end at the same time, rather than wait and let the clearly faster swimmers set off before him, he waits until I arrive and then sets off.
******.
Have a word with the pool staff and get them to tell the slow bastard to swap lanes, they should be policing the swimmers to ensure social distancing is maintained, as it is really important in a chlorine laced pool not to get to close to some one for a few seconds.
 
OI!!!! got a problem with my swimming , tell me to my face ....... young whippersnapper
 
Starting to hear more and more the horrible rising voice pitch at the end of sentence, making every sentence sound like a question.
A Southern Hemisphere import I believe, though starting to hear Yanks do this now.

I get truly annoyed by this erroneous use of the questioning intonation (largely imported from the Oz bunch)
I recently had to quiz a pharmacist as to whether he was telling me or asking that my medication was not in stock.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 
OI!!!! got a problem with my swimming , tell me to my face ....... young whippersnapper
Certainly.
Bugger off to the slow lane!
The mere fact that every single person passes you (often twice) should give you a hint you don't belong. Surely there's a supermarket you can Prince Philliping around.
:)
 
When you apply for a copy of your army records and the application is kicked back because it doesn't have a copy of your passport of your driving licence.

The email application consisted of a 6 page pdf, 4 pages being their form, 1 page with a copy of your passport and the last page was a copy of your driving licence.

Nice to see that almost 30 years later that Glasgow is still fecking incompetent.

Sent from my SM-T510 using Tapatalk
 
I may have like mentioned this like already.

"Kind of like" is a particular hate of mine. Why say that somthing is similar to being similar to something?
I could say that a pigeon is kind of like a car.
A pigeon is similar to an aircraft as they both fly. An aircraft is similar to a car as they can both transport passengers from A to B.
Nonsensical gibberish.
Also, "could potentially" ie. truly, truly unlikely or possibly possible.
Aggh, I have started! 'Tragic death'!! What other sort of death is there?? Fatal death anyone (this one arose out of the ridiculous and too frequent hyperbolic use of the word)?
'Such person has sadly died'! FFS! Who dies happily? A stupid, lazy mis-contraction of 'Sadly I have to report etc.' or similar.
Lazy, stupid, very well paid idiots with the privilige of broadcasting to the world who cannot qualify correctly a singular or a plural or how to refer to a mass noun. One has a fifty-fifty chance of being correct. I spent a happy day noting every use ofplural/singular and the erroneous won at nearly 80% and in the case of mass nouns, 98%.
The use of a verb instead of an adverb (marketing industry, hang your collective head in shame)... Aaaghh, rant, steam, shut up shut up, you'll have another one of your turns...


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 
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Certainly.
Bugger off to the slow lane!
The mere fact that every single person passes you (often twice) should give you a hint you don't belong. Surely there's a supermarket you can Prince Philliping around.
:)
"MISS! MISS!...... Stanleys bullying me again .... he's being ageist , and it's not my fault I have heavy bones

He's also moaning about my shopping habits"
 
I used to watch Mr Kyle's freak show on and off. One victim was saying:

'It was was Christmas Eve, literally the day before Christmas'

And they say the younger generations are ignorant.

That is a correct but somewhat moronic use of the word. 'My head literally exploded', however, is not.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 
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Certainly.
Bugger off to the slow lane!
The mere fact that every single person passes you (often twice) should give you a hint you don't belong. Surely there's a supermarket you can Prince Philliping around.
:)

Precisely! When you're undertaken for the nth time there should be some kind of clue that you may be in the wrong lane. Major problem in these parts where the keep left, pass right rule is completely ignored, and you'll get trucks and others driven by those who have difficulty chewing gum and breathing at the same time doing 40kmh in the fast lane. Need to be welded into their vehicles and fed into a crusher.
 
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The weekly Opinion Poll ‘news’. Apparently Labour are now a few points ahead of the Tories, thanks mainly to the combination of a hostile MSM, a pretty shambolic performance tackling Covid and the ‘Leadership’ being shown by Keir Starmer.
Hello! We only had an election 10 months ago and the Tories secured an 80 seat majority, so you can ram your Opinion Polls where the sun doesn’t shine (for now at least).
 
BBC Scotland news this evening , at the Kelpies asking a couple about Brexit

( not verbatim, but close enough)
one says we'll just have to see , could be good
other one says rubbish , we're going to have to use our passports , and change our currency


where the fuck do hey get these people from , obviously asking someone who probably has never travelled abroad, everyt time I went over to Europe , had my passport checked, and changed my pounds to Euros or got a euro card loaded up instead of cash

FFS
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
BBC Scotland news this evening , at the Kelpies asking a couple about Brexit

( not verbatim, but close enough)
one says we'll just have to see , could be good
other one says rubbish , we're going to have to use our passports , and change our currency


where the **** do hey get these people from , obviously asking someone who probably has never travelled abroad, everyt time I went over to Europe , had my passport checked, and changed my pounds to Euros or got a euro card loaded up instead of cash

FFS

Perhaps they were thinking of travelling across the border to England.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Applying online for a UK passport . Lots of examples of how pictures should or should not look.

Of 7 individuals pictured, TWO are white. Are whites a minority in the UK?
 
Applying online for a UK passport . Lots of examples of how pictures should or should not look.

Of 7 individuals pictured, TWO are white. Are whites a minority in the UK?
They are in the metropolises.
 
Ah but not in the rest of the country. Ya have to remember that in the country as a whole the vast number couldn’t give a toss, you see the occasional BAME including local shop keepers. They don’t give a sh*t either.
But the people who create these websites and run the media and advertisers exist in metropolitan bubbles, and thus they think that their particular bubble of diversity equates to what the country, as a whole, looks and acts like.
 
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