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Things that irritate me

Teg61

Old-Salt
Lying in bed at night, you're in the sweet spot of comfort, perfect temperature, perfect level of darkness, pillow nice and soft, you're just on the edge of falling asleep and, bollox, you need a fuckin piss, by the time you get back you're wide awake and have to get comfortable over again


Or if you don’t like the “nappy” option, there is always this:

A1E832DD-2273-44E0-B481-7A430605107C.png
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
Lying in bed at night, you're in the sweet spot of comfort, perfect temperature, perfect level of darkness, pillow nice and soft, you're just on the edge of falling asleep and, bollox, you need a fuckin piss, by the time you get back you're wide awake and have to get comfortable over again
Just wait till it happens three or four times a night:(
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
Twats in hats.

We will have all come across the 'twat in a hat' even the 'twat in a hat' will have, although ironically they don't realise that they are a 'twat in a hat'.

I am of course referring to any driver wearing a head covering.

The Peugeot doing 40 in a twisty 60 road that you cant quite see far enough past to overtake will be peering myopically from under the brim of his flat cap.

The clapped out Micra with after market gold alloys (a Micra for christs sake) hammering it past in the 30 zone will look like he's raided Jay Kays hat box.

Any driver wearing a hat will automatically qualify for 'Peugeot Driver status' and for those of you who are thinking 'I wear a hat while driving and I'm not a twat', I'm afraid the news is you are!

If you also looked at the assorted variety of cars you could have bought (even Vauxhalls) and thought 'No I think Peugeot is the car for me'.
Cut your license in half and return it to Swansea before setting fire to the offending car while you're inside which will go someway towards an apology to the rest of us.
I take it you are referring to the “white rats”? They were the only coppers that wore their fecking hats in the car, why? Didn’t they think that driving a fecking big jam sandwich doing an impressive impression of a hedgehog with blue lights was enough?
The hats not the cars, unless, no surely not, the police haven’t sunk that low, have they?
 

Teg61

Old-Salt
Don‘t you find it a tad uncomfortable though:???:

:grin::grin: I haven’t used one personally:-D:-D

I was only offering another option to @don‘t tell him pike And his nocturnal problems.
perhaps if he chooses to invest in said equipment, he can give us a full rundown on the pro’s and con’s.
 
Authentic , and other words used by wankers to describe things. As in I looked at Facebook marketplace and saw that someone was selling some old tea chests described as ' authentic tea chests '.
As opposed to fake tea chests ? I saw somebody else selling a little old trailer as well , apparently that was 'very authentic ' as well ?!?! .

Literally doesn't mean anything .
 
Authentic , and other words used by ******* to describe things. As in I looked at Facebook marketplace and saw that someone was selling some old tea chests described as ' authentic tea chests '.
As opposed to fake tea chests ? I saw somebody else selling a little old trailer as well , apparently that was 'very authentic ' as well ?!?! .

Literally doesn't mean anything .
Likewise 'executive'.
Sounds good.
But labelling anything and everything 'executive'?
ie 'Executive baby car seat'
 
During the oil firefighting in Kuwait we heard a deep Texan drawl come over the safety net:

“We’ve had a fatality at well number xxx”

Up comes the very proper English voice of the chief health and safety Bod:

“You can’t say that, only the doctor can pronounce someone dead”

“Well OK, he’s been run over by a D9 [BFO dozer] and he’s about a hundred yards long now, but
That was the signal that the new YOs course had started at Larkhill. Monday morning of their first week one of them would set the bloody fire alarm off by jamming the toaster in the dining room, much to the annoyance of any LE who might be sleeping off the traditional Sunday night 'arrival back' wine fest in the bar.
Sorry.


Guilty as charged.


In my defence, could I say that it was normally my Mum who made the toast?
 
During the oil firefighting in Kuwait we heard a deep Texan drawl come over the safety net:

“We’ve had a fatality at well number xxx”

Up comes the very proper English voice of the chief health and safety Bod:

“You can’t say that, only the doctor can pronounce someone dead”

“Well OK, he’s been run over by a D9 [BFO dozer] and he’s about a hundred yards long now, but your call...”
This reminds me of a dit I've heard.

Seemingly in septicland, a bloke phones the emergency services, and he tells them his mate has been badly mauled by a bear, and he thinks he's dead.
"First thing is to make sure he's dead" says the responder on the phone"
"OK" says the bloke.
*sounds of walking away . . . BANG of a gunshot*
*sounds of walking back*
"Yep, he's really dead"
 
This reminds me of a dit I've heard.

Seemingly in septicland, a bloke phones the emergency services, and he tells them his mate has been badly mauled by a bear, and he thinks he's dead.
"First thing is to make sure he's dead" says the responder on the phone"
"OK" says the bloke.
*sounds of walking away . . . BANG of a gunshot*
*sounds of walking back*
"Yep, he's really dead"

Bootneck walt.


What? Too soon?
 
Yup. Even I, a mere lassie, know that's a load of cobblers.

The fact that hubby, with engineering letters after his name, was being told this by the 'technician' was quite amusing, if only for the look on his face!

We have been reassured for over a year that there's nothing wrong with the scored disc. Last September we were told it was in good condition, today it needs to be replaced. (Our lockdown mileage has been infinitesimal).

And the pads, with 2mm of material left, have passed the MOT apparently. Mr. Service Manager avoided answering the question 'Would you drive your car if it were like this?'.

So, they are putting it back together and we will use the competent automotive engineer we use for all our other vehicles to sort it out.

Cheeky feckers actually rang while they were cobbling their report together and asked if they should do the service that is due!!!
Have a look at

Threaten them with a report from one of the above suggesting that if anything untoward is found, the garage will rectify it and pay the cost of the inspection.

Failing that, see if you can get it into a council run MOT centre MOT and vehicle care services for them to check it out.
 
Twats in hats.

We will have all come across the 'twat in a hat' even the 'twat in a hat' will have, although ironically they don't realise that they are a 'twat in a hat'.

I am of course referring to any driver wearing a head covering.

The Peugeot doing 40 in a twisty 60 road that you cant quite see far enough past to overtake will be peering myopically from under the brim of his flat cap.

The clapped out Micra with after market gold alloys (a Micra for christs sake) hammering it past in the 30 zone will look like he's raided Jay Kays hat box.

Any driver wearing a hat will automatically qualify for 'Peugeot Driver status' and for those of you who are thinking 'I wear a hat while driving and I'm not a twat', I'm afraid the news is you are!

If you also looked at the assorted variety of cars you could have bought (even Vauxhalls) and thought 'No I think Peugeot is the car for me'.
Cut your license in half and return it to Swansea before setting fire to the offending car while you're inside which will go someway towards an apology to the rest of us.
Don't forget the bowls club white hat on the rear parcel shelf, guaranteed combat indicator for a truly awful driver.
 
I hate pre programme warnings

Contains flashing lights which may cause epilepsy

Contains images the viewer may find disturbing

Contains historical racism which some viewers may find distressing.

Contains scenes of a sexual nature

Don't forget the post programme whine "If you have been affected by........"
Twats.
 

NSP

LE
I believe @NSP utilises a good solution to this, in order to avoid having to get up and wander to another compartment onboard for a piss. Simply get yourself a pack of Pampers premium disposable nappies and wrap one of those round your knob of a night. He once did come a cropper though when he forgot he was wearing his crotch less panties and it wasn’t held in position.
Cabins are en suite these days so Tena for Men are no longer required.

It's only the ancient old buckets operated by a certain cut-price outfit based in south-east England that you still have to bimble down the passage for a piss - and I don't work for them if I can avoid it.
 

RABC

LE
People walking along the street with their heads down, tapping away on their phones. I'm probably just jealous that I cant do texts with more than one finger.
 
Don't forget the bowls club white hat on the rear parcel shelf, guaranteed combat indicator for a truly awful driver.
And tartan travel rug.
Though I suppose they could be off dogging?
 

Endoscope

War Hero
The fact that 32mm and 40mm plumbing waste pipe and the associated joint works dont actually fit if bought from different hardware places. Surely to fuck 32mm and 40mm isn't hard to get right- it's a precise measurement :x
 

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