Things that irritate me

Fat feckers who occupy window seats, and then insist on getting up every 14 minutes during a flight, and heading off to the karzi/to go beg for more nosh etc.
No consideration for fellow passengers they have to inconvenience.
Having a sweaty arse crack ground into your grid in the process. Mind you, some of the denizens of Arrse would pay extra for that....
 
Tell them "it's OK, I'll move some stuff into my cabin luggage".
They don't want the queue held up, so will almost invariably tell you not to bother, stick a "heavy item" label on your bag & send you on your way with no charge.
I'm 25kg lighter than I was a year ago but the buggers wont give me a discount. :-(
Good call but allied to this, the current practice of airline charging for any hold baggage boils my piss. We now have cretins struggling up the steps with dismantled gasometers in their cabin baggage who then proceed to spend 10 minutes at either end trying to jam / unjam their bag in / out of the overhead locker whilst every other mug stands about waiting.

The Uber Cock in this scenario is the clown sat in 1A who can’t find space for his crap, jams it in the locker at 18F and then proceeds to barge down the aisle against the flow to retrieve it on landing. Then there’s the idiot who tries to circumvent that by wandering down the aisle with the aircraft still taxiing in. It’s amazing how often you hear PAs from the Cabin Crew telling people to sit down only for the pilot to have to stop quickly for some reason.....

It’ll stop when someone does a heavy landing and 5cwt Of locker plus contents breaks free onto the heads of those below.
 
Airlines do use set weights measurememnts for mass & balance calculations - for centre of gravity etc.Based on male/female...winter/summer (more or less clothes). @Toastie can probably explain more.

I agree though - chubbers that require a seatbelt extension should pay more - to subsidise the fares of us that can control our hunger urges.
Yep, standard weights are pretty, er, standard. They’re also bollocks. The only one I can remember is adult females at 69 kg including hand baggage. Can’t think why.

BTW, the max bag weight is to save the loaders’ backs. Not so much humping them on and off carts, into and out of bag cans etc, but more when moving bags around inside the confined spaces in holds. I fully sympathise having done it once when the loaders went on strike in some shit hole leaving us the option of a fun filled night dealing with 300 pissed off pax in said hovel or getting it done and getting out.

ISTR the company acknowledging our efforts by doing bugger all so that ain’t happening again.
 
Good call but allied to this, the current practice of airline charging for any hold baggage boils my piss. We now have cretins struggling up the steps with dismantled gasometers in their cabin baggage who then proceed to spend 10 minutes at either end trying to jam / unjam their bag in / out of the overhead locker whilst every other mug stands about waiting.

The Uber Cock in this scenario is the clown sat in 1A who can’t find space for his crap, jams it in the locker at 18F and then proceeds to barge down the aisle against the flow to retrieve it on landing. Then there’s the idiot who tries to circumvent that by wandering down the aisle with the aircraft still taxiing in. It’s amazing how often you hear PAs from the Cabin Crew telling people to sit down only for the pilot to have to stop quickly for some reason.....

It’ll stop when someone does a heavy landing and 5cwt Of locker plus contents breaks free onto the heads of those below.
Of course this wouldn't be an issue if the bloody airlines applied the cabin luggage size rules as strictly as they do the weights for hold luggage.
Which is one of the things that boils my piss...
 
Araldite this to his forehead:

He's over 3.75 stone heavier than me! I would run the fat little bastard right into the ground! His mother fell pregnant when she was 33 stone. FFS 33 stone! some men have no fecking standards at all!
 
Putting women in charge of the office thermostat. It’s like the tropics in our office so much so that quite a number of us have to use desk fans all year round.
In summer it’s purgatory as in an air conditioned office they set the temp to 25C so it’s never on and with all the people and PCs the temp exceeds this by a large margin.
Recently during the cold weather we’ve even have had our internal servers power circuits trip on a regular basis which was a mystery until we found some women were using small electric heaters under their desks. Aarrghh!
 
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Putting women in charge of the office thermostat. It’s like the tropics in our office so much so that quite a number of us have to use desk fans all year round.
In summer it’s purgatory as in an air conditioned office they set the temp to 25C so it’s never on and with all the people and PCs the temp exceeds this by a large margin.
Recently during the cold weather we’ve even have had our internal servers power circuits trip on a regular basis which was a mystery until we found sone women were using small electric heaters under their desks. Aarrghh!
I thought I had this bad, er indoors is wandering around in thick trackies and fur lined boot slippers, it is 24 degrees in here and I am trying to unzip my skin.
However a mate's wife is often to be found wearing a puffer jacket with a fan heater blowing on her legs and the heating set to MAX. He seems to spend most of his time in his underwear or in the garden.
Why do they do it?
 
I thought I had this bad, er indoors is wandering around in thick trackies and fur lined boot slippers, it is 24 degrees in here and I am trying to unzip my skin.
However a mate's wife is often to be found wearing a puffer jacket with a fan heater blowing on her legs and the heating set to MAX. He seems to spend most of his time in his underwear or in the garden.
Why do they do it?
Wait until the menopause hits them. It'll be minus 5 outside but the current mrs_mush will have the windows wide open and be standing next to an open freezer in just her lingerie, the Dyson fan going full blast and her moaning about how hot she is.
 
I like to drive with the heat set about 15 degrees. My wife likes it cold, then hot, then cold again. So it goes like this: We set off with naturally cold air, she turns heater to maximum. It get very hot so she turns the heater off and opens the windows...Bloody freezing! after some minutes she turns the heater to Max again and closes the windows! boiling again! once more she again opens the bloody windows.
My new plan is to set heat to 15, then warm up engine for 5/10 minutes. She enters car with optimal heat of 15 degrees... So far it has worked!
 
Wait until the menopause hits them. It'll be minus 5 outside but the current mrs_mush will have the windows wide open and be standing next to an open freezer in just her lingerie, the Dyson fan going full blast and her moaning about how hot she is.
True up to a point, when they aren't roasting they are still freezing!
 
Wait until the menopause hits them. It'll be minus 5 outside but the current mrs_mush will have the windows wide open and be standing next to an open freezer in just her lingerie, the Dyson fan going full blast and her moaning about how hot she is.
Made the mistake of muttering ‘now you know how I feel’ Won’t do that again. It was like having Samual L Jackson in the room in righteous indignation mode.
 
I like to drive with the heat set about 15 degrees. My wife likes it cold, then hot, then cold again. So it goes like this: We set off with naturally cold air, she turns heater to maximum. It get very hot so she turns the heater off and opens the windows...Bloody freezing! after some minutes she turns the heater to Max again and closes the windows! boiling again! once more she again opens the bloody windows.
My new plan is to set heat to 15, then warm up engine for 5/10 minutes. She enters car with optimal heat of 15 degrees... So far it has worked!


PHOOOOOOOO........ it isn't just me then ?
 
I thought I had this bad, er indoors is wandering around in thick trackies and fur lined boot slippers, it is 24 degrees in here and I am trying to unzip my skin.
However a mate's wife is often to be found wearing a puffer jacket with a fan heater blowing on her legs and the heating set to MAX. He seems to spend most of his time in his underwear or in the garden.
Why do they do it?
Wait until the menopause hits them. It'll be minus 5 outside but the current mrs_mush will have the windows wide open and be standing next to an open freezer in just her lingerie, the Dyson fan going full blast and her moaning about how hot she is.
Sorry chaps, but both freezing and roasting are menopausal vasomotor issues. As irritating as it is for you, for your missus it's relentless, exhausting and bloody horrible.

HRT is the answer - magic lady drugs :nod:
 

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