Things that irritate me

Adults who speak like children and habitually mispronounce the double 'tt' sound. As in 'likkle'. If you behave like a child, expect to be treated like one.
You can tell a child is receiving a good nursery education when this exchange occurs.
Adult to child: "Look, it's a choo-choo".
Child: "No it's not, it's a feckin' train."
 
Why do people assume I bring my dogs to crap on their driveway?
Chap a couple of months back saw my dog sniffing towards his house. He dashed out and shouted"I hope you're not going to let it perform there! "
Now my dog is wonderful of course but crapping or urinating out of her nose would be some performance.
Tonight a young lady approached me to tell me that her father is disabled and so could I not let my dogs toilet on her driveway or outside her house .
We were on the pavement so I commiserated on the ill health of her father.
She then starts telling me that it is illegal to allow a dog to toilet in the street.
I thanked her for the information and went to walk away, oh no not good enough.
"Where are your bags" she demands, I pull out a roll of about 50.
"Why are you so defensive?" is her next question.
At this point I wished her and her poor father goodnight.
 
Why do people assume I bring my dogs to crap on their driveway?
Chap a couple of months back saw my dog sniffing towards his house. He dashed out and shouted"I hope you're not going to let it perform there! "
Now my dog is wonderful of course but crapping or urinating out of her nose would be some performance.
Tonight a young lady approached me to tell me that her father is disabled and so could I not let my dogs toilet on her driveway or outside her house .
We were on the pavement so I commiserated on the ill health of her father.
She then starts telling me that it is illegal to allow a dog to toilet in the street.
I thanked her for the information and went to walk away, oh no not good enough.
"Where are your bags" she demands, I pull out a roll of about 50.
"Why are you so defensive?" is her next question.
At this point I wished her and her poor father goodnight.
I'd have sneaked back after dark and crapped on her fathers drive
 
Why do people assume I bring my dogs to crap on their driveway?
Chap a couple of months back saw my dog sniffing towards his house. He dashed out and shouted"I hope you're not going to let it perform there! "
Now my dog is wonderful of course but crapping or urinating out of her nose would be some performance.
Tonight a young lady approached me to tell me that her father is disabled and so could I not let my dogs toilet on her driveway or outside her house .
We were on the pavement so I commiserated on the ill health of her father.
She then starts telling me that it is illegal to allow a dog to toilet in the street.
I thanked her for the information and went to walk away, oh no not good enough.
"Where are your bags" she demands, I pull out a roll of about 50.
"Why are you so defensive?" is her next question.
At this point I wished her and her poor father goodnight.
One of those atlatl thingies for chucking tennis balls does the trick. Should be able to hit her front door with a fresh steamer from across the road with a bit of practice.
 
The other one that grips my winkle are those ‘how clean and shiny is your arrse after using compo pack Jeyes paper? It isn't fucking toilet paper you cunts, it's a fucking floor buff
Changed for not-so-fond memories.
 
If we are going to be pedantic, such abbreviations should only be used in speech and not written unless as a direct quotation. I believe it is not that long ago that Hansard 'corrected' every MPs speech to remove all such abbreviations.
...thereby rendering such direct quotations mere approximations, and making the MPs undeservedly appear more intelligent.
 
I’ll see all of that siht and raise you “I’ll reach out”.

This was always heard when I’ve worked within Septic shores or companies (for that is where the bastardisation of our hallowed language seems to occur) and would be replied to with (depending on audience), “I’d rather you reached around”.

Interstellar cnuettery.
Obviously Berk you've never had a proper butcher's at the clown, wearing your syrup up your Khyber.

*London town.
 
Obviously Berk you've never had a proper butcher's at the clown, wearing your syrup up your Khyber.

*London town.
Cockney walt.

If you were a kosher user of such dialect you'd be aware that 'Berk' is seldom used without the personal pronoun (e.g. 'You berk') and London is more commonly referred to as 'the Smoke'.

You are Dick van Dyke and I claim my £5...
 
Cockney walt.

If you were a kosher user of such dialect you'd be aware that 'Berk' is seldom used without the personal pronoun (e.g. 'You berk') and London is more commonly referred to as 'the Smoke'.

You are Dick van Dyke and I claim my Lady Godiva...

Fixed . . .FOC
 
Cockney walt.

If you were a kosher user of such dialect you'd be aware that 'Berk' is seldom used without the personal pronoun (e.g. 'You berk') and London is more commonly referred to as 'the Smoke'.

You are Dick van Dyke and I claim my £5...
Preceding with 'You' while following with 'you're' felt a bit much. My invention of 'clown' was obviously a self-referencing reverse Cockney, illuminating the fact that it is simply clowns feeling themselves clever that truly bastardize the Language by engaging in the regular overuse of the rhyming game of 19th Century Eastender children.
 
Last edited:
Preceding with 'You' while following with 'you're' felt a bit much. My invention of 'clown' was obviously a self-referencing reverse Cockney, illuminating the fact that it is simply clowns feeling themselves clever that truly bastardize the Language by engaging in the regular overuse of the rhyming game of 19th Century Eastender children.
So, how was Mary Poppins?
 

Similar threads


Latest Threads

Top