Things that dont work on me Landy

TheIronDuke

On ROPS
On ROPs
Book Reviewer
#1
The handbrake. Obviously.

Heater

Rubber seals that stop the wind getting in.

Radio? Pah. Dont make me laugh.

Brakes in the wet.

Brakes in the dry.

Brakes.

The engine if there is a R in the month. And sometimes when there is not.

The transfer box when its been whelted.

The transfer box when it hasnt.

Jesus. Why do we bother.

The only thing that works is me Landy spiders. I have two. Mary and Torquil.
 
#2
TheIronDuke said:
The handbrake. Obviously.

Heater

Rubber seals that stop the wind getting in.

Radio? Pah. Dont make me laugh.

Brakes in the wet.

Brakes in the dry.

Brakes.

The engine if there is a R in the month. And sometimes when there is not.

The transfer box when its been whelted.

The transfer box when it hasnt.

Jesus. Why do we bother.

The only thing that works is me Landy spiders. I have two. Mary and Torquil.
You have strange names for them...

I just call mine "Left" and "Right".

It helps when trying to follow the satnav...

:D

Lits

Edited to add: The boy did notice that, on the way to school, Lefty was trying to repair its web at 45mph. Righty was well hidden in its lair at the bottom of the wing mirror.
 
#3
All those things will work if you love your landy and show it. A bouquet of oil, a surprise present or two - a negligee of waxoyl, perhaps a candlelit supper of leadfree.

I suspect you're having an affair with a Lada Niva and have been neglecting the old thing.

...My brakes are fucked, too. :cry:
 
#4
Sounds a fine characterful machine and just in its prime. Good for at least another 30 years.

:D

Just had a galvanised chassis put on mine.....
 
#5
SRS warning light keeps winking at me but apart from it marking its territory everything is cool (fingers, arms, legs crossed) :)
 
#6
Had to change the rear diff in mine recently but then drove to Cornwall and back (800 miles)with only one significant snag - exhaust popped apart and I had to weld it back up. Good for 70 on the motorway with the windscreen down to reduce drag :)

Mine's 54 years old.....
 
#7
Any one else get a bad back from driving miles and miles in a Mk2 jobby?
 
#8
eodmatt said:
Any one else get a bad back from driving mines and miles in a Mk2 jobby?
No - mine's a S1 (107) - no back problems, cramped legs etc. Very comfy.
 
#9
Lucky bugger! I used to get terrific back pains after driving from Hamshire to Scotlandshire in ours.
 
#10
I've loved a '91 127, it never let me down always sounded sexy and did i say never let me down
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
I have a Freelander
If you shut either of the front doors the rear window (electric) will wind itself down
Somedays it just cuts out somedays it's fine

It's why I will always defend that we should keep the guys who built them in jobs
You can't teach any monkey the skills required to take a perfectly fitting door and still manage to get it to shut with a one inch gap at the top
It takes years of practise :D
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#13
Land Rovers are like women; they leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and peers, and consume more money than you ever anticipated once you've commited yourself to one.
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#14
You do know why LR never bothered with labelling switches, don't you?

Complete waste of effort, since none of them worked.
 
#15
cloudbuster said:
You do know why LR never bothered with labelling switches, don't you?

Complete waste of effort, since none of them worked.
That's because the electrics were made by Lucas, the true Prince of Darkness :wink:
 
#16
roadster280 said:
cloudbuster said:
Land Rovers are like women; they leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and peers, and consume more money than you ever anticipated once you've commited yourself to one.
...but inexplicably, you love them.

My (literally) charges of black and green convertibles were my pride and joy. I've looked after my share of Solihull's finest, on behalf of HM. From (showing my age, (or lack of it), I know) 17GN82 on, I have known and loved many of them. I got to be something of an FFR surgeon. There wasn't anything about the radio fit I didn't know. 12V, 24V, all the same to me. Breadboards, 12V-24V series/parallel, J-bolts, bowler hats, HF Pots, VHF pots, 250W groundplanes, I've loved 'em all.
feck me I'm glad to hear that! I thought I was the only one and just mental!

Ive got a civvy defender and not having a battery box, breadboard and racking between the front and the back just feels a bit wrong. not to mention the fact there's no dirty great TUAAM boxes sat on each corner of the bonnet!

92KE29 was ours. apparently it got dropped from a heli, and rather than do the paperwork that requires doing when you drop a land rover a few hundred feet, they just rebuilt it. it still doesn't drive straight or do above 40.

Then I got a Disco, 2.5TD. Was Ok, but no guts, so onwards to the V8. Mit manual transmission. Now that was the mutt's nuts. So much torque, it rocked on the springs when revved in idle. 10mpg? No biggie, Benzinscheinen!
same as. must be a trend forming. except I had a 300Tdi. got JESystems to modify the engine so its got the beef of a Td5 and left it there. still got it, still runs nicely.


69HG83 can stay as a memory. Hopefully it is coke cans and landfill these days.
being honest with you it's probably in the TA.

All TA Clansman FFRs are fecked Defenders from the 80s.
 
#17
I've had-
16 Range Rovers
6 Series
2 Defenders
and I'm on my 5th Discovery

I really. really should have learnt my lesson long before now. Somehow I still seem to be stuck averaging a £100 worth of repairs a month and this is the most expesnive motor I've ever had. Almost as soul destroying as running an old Jaguar every day.
 
#18
Three SIII's taught me all I ever needed to know about repair and maintenance as I was growing up. V8 Safari damn near bankrupted me.

Couple of dull as ditchwater Discos. When I lost the last one (auto with all the whistles and bells) I somehow managed to persuade the Mrs to come and have a look at a Defender. "All changed now love. Coil springs, disc brakes, heater, comfy chairs. Nothing like they used to be...." She only fell for it!

Rattly back door; drivers' door pops open whenever you hit fifty; badgers living in the accumulated mud in every fold and crevice; leaky roof.

Our spiders are called Itsy and Bitsy.

The smell is oil, tea, bacon sarnies, The Sun, Union meetings and Brummie accents!

Worryingly enjoy the Defender naturally aspirated non power assisted sh1tboxes that we have at the Sqn. The kids hate them and whine more than the transfer box whenever we have to travel more than three miles.
No fcuking sense of tradition.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
I'll stick with my soulless Ford Galaxy which is comfortable, quiet and reliable. Everything works as it should - it and can carry more in the back than any Disco.
 
#20
roadster280 said:
jagman said:
I've had-
16 Range Rovers
6 Series
2 Defenders
and I'm on my 5th Discovery
I make that 29 of Solihull's efforts (not all their finest!). Jesus Christ, man!
Yeh. I've had over two dozen Jaguars/Daimlers too.
For a lot of years I simply bought a cheap old Range Rover and replaced it when the repair got expensive. Sometimes that worked out 2 or 3 months use :oops:
I abuse them quite badly.

Nothing else quite like them though :D
 

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