Things not to do in a public toilet

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Old Timer, Oct 12, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I came across a guide on a joke site that laid down some rules of things not to get caught doing in public lavies. The one that had me rolling on the floor was:

    "Never put your copy of Cross Dressers Weekly on the floor of the stall before pulling a strip of the bog roll".

    The mental image does it every time.

    Lets see what you Arrsers can add.
     
  2. Just never, ever go in a public toilet in Japan, chances are you'll end up mocked by the nation. These are ****ing gold!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Feckin' lunatics.
     
  4. Go in with George Michael
     
  5. Grunt, pant and gasp for about 10 minutes before dropping a Cantaloupe melon into the bowl from 6 feet.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  6. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    say, "Hey, Mate, can you give me a hand with this?"
     
  7. Say , "can someone lend me their pocket knife to cut this off?"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. God forbid you'd dare do something as bazaar as simply having a shite.
     
  9. A few Sundays ago I was in the gents of a local that had started doing very nice food, as I was standing there I read the advert for the pub in front of me, it showed the phone number and I thought I'll make a note of that for booking, better still, I'll take a picture with my iPhone, so I did, with my left hand as the right hand was busy holding the old chap. Sure enough, just as the flash went off a bloke came through the door of the Gents, well what would you have said?
     
    • Like Like x 4
  10. "hope you had the zoom app on fella!"
     
    • Like Like x 3
  11. Yeah, for those moments when a regulation 'sleepy' hand w@nk just won't do.
     
  12. Absolutely, although 'abseiling' may be too specialist for some!!!
     
  13. If you come across a hole carved out of the cubical wall,don't ask if anyone is on the other side.
     
    • Like Like x 1