Things kids say

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by discodan, Mar 11, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I have 3 ikkle girls ages 8,4 and 3.

    now my eldest is allergic to just about everything.. nuts blah blah blah and latex (rubberised items basically).

    Being red nose day my four year old entered the room with her shiney new rubber nose and informed Hollie (my eight year old) that she couldnt wear the red nose coz its got "SEMTEX in it".

    I've never laughed so much in my life... poor kid

    Add your funnies kids say.....
  2. As a matter of interest, how did you find out that your daughter was allergic to latex? :wink:

    When she's 18 you'll no doubt tell her that she's allergic to:

    Debt Collectors
    Getting out of bed vefore 12 o'clock.
    Paying for her own drinks
  3. har fookin har har har.... nahh she has bad skin problems matey... realy bad... her skin splits open and bleads it's like an advanced form of eczema.

    After 8 years they did an allergies test on her blood... the list of stuff she cannot touch is endless.
  4. 8O when picking my 3 and half yr old son from nursery they asked mum if she or dad was prone to extreem expression.... as they had particulary liked the way he chucked the jugsaw puzzle away and said "bollox, binn it" and moved on to the next thing. I blame the parents!! :? Ouch :roll:
  5. Long may your child retain the ability to speak plainly! I'll take talking bollox over talking jargon any day... :wink:
  6. one grandson, who may or may not reach 3 next month :wink:

    as i was helping daughter dispose of some rubbish, little one, drops packet (lets try and distract him while we do this) of crisps and they spill all over the floor..." bollox" is heard from his angelic mouth 8O " mum will shout now"

    I think i need to have a word with said daughter!!!

    edited on advice of cutaway, still not much sense made tho
  7. ohhh c_c ya big stud you!!
    we all know it's you teaching him to swear and defame his mum...don't try and deny it or deflect attention

  8. while shopping in the px at jhq our 4 yr old daughter notices this american shop assistant , at the top of her voice she shouts " mum , look at that mans big fat belly" . needless to say the trolley full of cakes , hersheybars were abandoned !
  9. Picture the scene: a beautiful sunny summer's day and a proud grandparent get's ready to lower his first born grandchild into a paddling pool. Cute blonde child looks up to grandfather with angelic blue eyes and say's "It's f**kin cold grandad." Exit parent stage right :oops:
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. Many years ago, whilst travelling in the family car through Cockfosters :p , my sister who was about 7 at the time was reading jokes from a college ragmag.

    "Why are camels called the ships of the desert?" Pause, 8O no-one replied.

    "'Cos they're full of arab semen!" she concluded :lol:

    The silence was deafening :oops: ....
  11. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Kit Reviewer

    CC, have you been getting a bit too close to Anya or are we working from different BATCO sheets ?
  12. That is the funniest thing I have heard in ages. :D I am sitting here p1ssing myself and the family think I have lost it. Too late, I lost it years ago. :D

    I'll get my coat.
  13. I had a casual job in a day care centre for a while when younger - not a job I recommend by the way.

    Pick up time and all the mums/nannies and kids are milling around. Extremely snobby boer mother has her nanny with her to pick up her "darling little angel" (read little shoite that would punch carers and other kids for fun as mummy was a rich cnut who donated a lot to the centre :evil: ). The cow is giving me an ear full about how we are making him associate with undesirables and how it is warping his little mind etc etc. I am standing there doing the polite smile and nod as she froths. She then turns to the kid in the nannies arms saying to him "Hurry darling we need to get home I have visitors soon." Little shoite pipes up "Oh mummy are you having Uncle Chris and Uncle Fred round again to play fireman rescue with you upstairs like last week?" 8O

    The entire group heard it and the silence was deafening.

    Laugh! I fair wet myself. I was asked to finish up end of the week was worth it to see her goldfishing and :oops:
  14. err even after i have now edited it, you could still be right cuts!!
    i think i may written it in russian with chinese subtitles 8O
  15. Picture the scene: two parents & two young un's on a train fat bloke trying to be nice and play with the kids.
    Fat Bloke: Coochie coochie coo(or word to that effect)
    Kid 1: YOU'RE FAT!!!!
    Kid2: Leave him alone he might be pregnant!!!!
    Parents: :oops:
    Me circa 1981 (oh and yes I know my age0