Things for which there are no names

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by stoatman, Aug 16, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. English has a descriptive noun for most situations - but not all... This can cause confusion. How, for instance, could you concisely describe the following in one word? It just can't be done!

    * The barely-soiled piece of toilet paper which signifies the end of the bottom-wiping process
    * The feeling when you know there are still klingons and you will leave wheelspins in your grundies
    * The feeling of relief when you've just had a tactical wànk
    * The knowledge that the bird you've just gone out with and want to do unspeakable animal things with hates your guts but is too polite to say anything
    * The pleasant taste and aroma of a well-appointed vagina
    * The warm fuzzy feeling when you know you're about to get some
    * The look in a sheep's eye when a Welsh farmer approaches
    * The feeling of cool air around a pair of very sweaty nadgers
    * The gut-wrenching feeling when you know that you are really for it in a big way

    Bill Bryson tried to assign random place names to things such as these, but that was a crap idea... Could you call these things anything? What other things desperately need words?

    Yours philosophically,

    Confused of Stoat
  2. It wasn't Bill Bryson (Bearded Incomer!), but Douglas Adams and John Lloyd who assigned place names to things for which there were no names. They were mostly crap as I remember, but making your own up can be a handy diversion from work. Alternatively, next time your'e bored on an exercise, try looking up entertaining place names on the map. There's no shortage.

    Shavington-cum-Gresty (SJ 703516)
  3. Well-appointed????? 8O

    You make it sound like the Albert Hall... :D
  4. Wyre Piddle (Gloucestershire)
  5. End ex

    Cheeky shifty




  6. * The warm fuzzy feeling when you know you're about to get some* ~ wishful thinking!! :roll:

    and as for places with odd names~ Lickey End, Bell End and Feckingham....perhaps it's time i relocated! :D
  7. What about:

    * The feeling in your stomach when you've passed the vomiting point-of-no-return?
    * The feeling when you know that that last beer was ill-advised?
  8. How about the feeling when you know that a very smelly fart is moments away from escaping and your sitting on a train/bus next to a very attractive young lady
  9. The satisfying burn as vodka slides down your throat

    The relief of going for a well needed wee

    Snuggling under you duvet listening to the rain lashing at the windows

    The horrible feeling knowing that your lost
  10. I'd like to know a word for the feeling you have when, hungover as fcuk but having had a hot shower and a shave, you head off to the pub and have a chilly pint of Wifebeater and your hangover magically disappears, leaving you raring for another Leo Sayer!

    Unless it's only me that gets this.


    The feeling of utter well-being you only get in early middle-age when you have a massive dump. A "MFI" in fact ("Total Clearance, Everything Must Go).


    The bizarre, almost mystical mental link between men who are complete strangers when an extremely crumpety bird in revealing clothes gets on the Tube and you all know that you're thinking exactly the same thing and share a few moments of blokey solidarity.


    The sense of joy, satisfaction and cosmic justice you experience when your fcuking useless, good-for-nothing boss drops themselves, neck-high, in the sh1t.

  11. When you're in the great outdoors and have had to kak al fresco, it's been messy and you suddenly realise that you don't have enough Handy Andies to deal with the resulting crack devastation
  12. When you're dossing down in a strange pit, just about to take yourself in hand....and you find that the bed is suffering from "Wnaker's Doom".

  13. this is without shadow of a doubt a "check wipe"
  14. That is two words, and a "check wipe" is the action, not the resulting barely-soiled piece of paper.

    Semantics, semantics, semantics :D
  15. point taken, entirely correct!! its a nice feeling tho!!