Things a good redneck will never say

#1
[FONT=&quot]TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
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[FONT=&quot]>31. When I retire, I'm movin' north. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>28. Duct tape won't fix that. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>26. We don't keep firearms in this house. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>25. You can't feed that to the dog. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>23. Wrestling is fake. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>22. We're vegetarians. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>21. Do you think my gut is too big? [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>19. Honey, we don't need another dog. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>14. Trim the fat off that steak. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>12. The tires on that truck are too big. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>10. Unsweetened tea tastes better. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>7. Checkmate [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>4. I don't have a favorite college team. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>3. You Guys. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]>2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]>AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY: [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]>1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole bus load of us down [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]>to re-elect OBAMA [/FONT][/FONT]
 
#4
#94. Sweetness, mah banjo strings are plum gone and fucked. Am gonna become a harpist with the Mendelssohn Salon in Leipzig - some Kraut place. But the harp is my life.
 
#5
#34 Hell sis! Y'all love that Poindexter, y'all marry him; it'll be good to have somewhere in New York to visit family.
 
#7
Darlene, I am going to take the Christmas lights down from the porch.
 
#8
No we aint gonna rape ya'll
 
#9
#37 Sharing a bed with your sister?? Isn't that a bit..........well, you know............weird?
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#13
Its a pity there isnt a button for "I like the whole thread!"
 
#15
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
 
#16
It's time to sell the pick up Elly-May. We'll buy one of those Japanese hybrid thingys.
 
#17
"Them handgun's pissant toys fer city boy preverts. I's nut going nowhere without ma turkey gun." surely sir you misquote me?
 
#18
"Gee this remote cabin will make a lovely place to teach the children needle point and bushcraft and in no way will it be used to produce crystal meth."

"Sheryl-ann, I dont think I'll wear a wifebeater today, is my cravat and fes laundered?"
 
#19
#20
Hell, not the Talledega 500! Click to channel 51, they got a Formula One race on there
 

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