Things a good redneck will never say

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by jumpinjarhead, May 23, 2012.

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  1. [FONT=&quot]TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
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    [FONT=&quot]>[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    [FONT=&quot]>31. When I retire, I'm movin' north. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>28. Duct tape won't fix that. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken [/FONT]
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    [FONT=&quot]>26. We don't keep firearms in this house. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>25. You can't feed that to the dog. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. [/FONT]
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    [FONT=&quot]>23. Wrestling is fake. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>22. We're vegetarians. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>21. Do you think my gut is too big? [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.. [/FONT]
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    [FONT=&quot]>19. Honey, we don't need another dog. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. [/FONT]
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    [FONT=&quot]>16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>14. Trim the fat off that steak. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>12. The tires on that truck are too big. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>10. Unsweetened tea tastes better. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>7. Checkmate [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>4. I don't have a favorite college team. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>3. You Guys. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY: [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]> [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole bus load of us down [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]>to re-elect OBAMA [/FONT][/FONT]
     
    • Like Like x 7
  2. #32. Hell no! I'd never do a cut and paste job!
     
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  3. #33 Sis, put those panties back on....
     
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  4. #94. Sweetness, mah banjo strings are plum gone and fucked. Am gonna become a harpist with the Mendelssohn Salon in Leipzig - some Kraut place. But the harp is my life.
     
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  5. #34 Hell sis! Y'all love that Poindexter, y'all marry him; it'll be good to have somewhere in New York to visit family.
     
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  6. Elvis who?.
     
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  7. Darlene, I am going to take the Christmas lights down from the porch.
     
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  8. No we aint gonna rape ya'll
     
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  9. #37 Sharing a bed with your sister?? Isn't that a bit..........well, you know............weird?
     
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  10. No, you don't have a purty mouth boy. Now pull your tweeds back up.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Andy_S

    Andy_S LE Book Reviewer

    Pork 'n beans ain't no fit food for no man, no sir. Don't ya'll got no muesli?
     
  12. "a good redneck" an oxymoron surely?
     
  13. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Its a pity there isnt a button for "I like the whole thread!"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Why would I want you to 'squeal like a pig'? Would you like a cup of tea instead?
     
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  15. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.